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First Date Fashion Rescue!
March 14, 2008 - 8:39am — PARISA-Designer t...
Dating, in the traditional sense of the word, often does
not apply to the lesbian/queer girls’ ways of mating. We tend to skip the whole “let’s go out on a bunch of dates, get to know each other and then decide if we like each other enough to sleep with each other” method. Not us. We meet her at a house party, a karaoke bar, on MySpace, at an S/M dungeon in Brooklyn and, two minutes after small talk, we are heading back to her place for a hook-up that ends up with her hooks in us for two years, until we realize we have nothing in common.
But let’s say, for the sake of argument, you are one of those rarities who is actually about to embark on a good old-fashioned date this weekend.You haven’t slept with this girl yet, not even made out. You’re excited and full of anticipation, but also stressed out because you want to make a great first impression and seduce her, but don’t know what to wear on the first date.
As your queer fashion fairy god-lesbo, I have taken the time to do some very scientific research and am going to help you out with your “What should I wear on my first date?” anxiety.
What I’ve realized is that there are way more style genres of lesbians and queer women out there than I can cover in one blog post, so I will continue exploring this subject in future posts.
T-SHIRT AND JEANS TOMBOY
High Femme: Chances are, you are going on a date with an old-school butch, boi or some other form of masculine or genderqueer person who is really into the butch-femme dynamic. You are the epitome of luscious, over-the-top femininity. Getting you to dress up for a first date is not a problem — but getting you to hold back a little mystery for the second date can be. Your goal on the first date is to entice your stud with promises of more to come, without giving away the farm. Stay away from tops, skirts and dresses that leave absolutely nothing to the imagination, where your boobies are practically falling out or you re-enact that Sharon Stone-Basic Instinct moment every time you cross and re-cross your legs. Your date wants to get a good idea of what delicious package your clothing holds, but still feel the challenge and promise of getting to strip the layers off herself. Try something hot and retro from Stop Staring! that will show off all the right curves and cleavage without taking away from your feminine mystique. Your message is: “I’m a smoldering sex kitten that is gonna make you work a little harder to get to the good stuff, 'cause I’m worth it.”
LIPSTICK LESBIAN
Lipstick Lesbian: Lipstick Lesbians and High Femmes often get grouped into the same category. As a former lipstick lesbian-turned-high femme, I am well aware of the distinctions between these two categories. High femmes tend to be attracted to other women/genderqueers who are performing masculinity in their appearance and mannerisms. Lipstick lesbians, on the other hand, are generally attracted to other incredibly feminine, put-together, sophisticated women. Think Bette and Tina or the ladies who you might encounter while having a cocktail at Chateau Marmont in L.A.. Your date is expecting you to knock her socks off with your stylish, elegant femininity and glamour. Make sure to get a manicure before your date — a sophisticated, short-length nail with either a buff/light pink polish or a daring red. Go for sexy. Put elegant strappy camisoles with a hint of cleave, a feminine, tailored cropped jacket, a high-waisted pencil skirt, luxurious stockings and a classic pair of patent leather pumps, like the notorious red-soled Christian Louboutin style, if you really want to make her wet her panties. Speaking of panties, your choice of lingerie is going to make or break the chances of a second date with this equally tantalizing temptress. Go for super-sexy European lingerie from Agent Provocateur that will make her wonder if she is lusting after your lacey underwear more or what lies waiting for her underneath it. Your message: “I am going to make you lust after me and covet my wardrobe all at the same time. If you get me, you get access to my boudoir of designer threads. You are one lucky lady.”
Parisa Parnian is the designer of queer fashion label, RIGGED OUT/FITTERS.
But let’s say, for the sake of argument, you are one of those rarities who is actually about to embark on a good old-fashioned date this weekend.You haven’t slept with this girl yet, not even made out. You’re excited and full of anticipation, but also stressed out because you want to make a great first impression and seduce her, but don’t know what to wear on the first date.
As your queer fashion fairy god-lesbo, I have taken the time to do some very scientific research and am going to help you out with your “What should I wear on my first date?” anxiety.
What I’ve realized is that there are way more style genres of lesbians and queer women out there than I can cover in one blog post, so I will continue exploring this subject in future posts.
T-SHIRT AND JEANS TOMBOY
T-Shirt and Jeans Tomboy: You look great in your basics and you know it. Your charming smile and the way your jeans fit ever so slightly below your hips are all you need to seduce the girl. My suggestion for you is to keep true to your casual style, but pump up the wow factor in your choice of denim and t-shirts. Avoid the t-shirt with the frat boy humor that might indicate you are horny and hard up (even if you are). Go instead for your prized band t-shirt (and score points for your great musical taste) or super-soft basic t-shirt that fits you just right. Smell fresh. Wear a quality pair of denims, an investment piece that makes you feel like a million bucks — like a pair from Swedish label Cheap Monday. Pull out those cool sneakers or Vans you have in your closet. Take a minute to style your hair, even if that means running your fingers through it. Make sure your socks don’t have giant holes in them in case you end up stripping by the end of the night. Your message is “I’m casual and like to keep it simple, which leaves my creative mind ready to take over in the bedroom, rawr!”
SKATER/PUNK ROCK GIRL/BOI
SKATER/PUNK ROCK GIRL/BOI
Skater/Punk Rock
Girl/Boi: The girl who agreed to go on a date with you is attracted to
your edge, your bad girl/bad boi attitude.
She expects you to be a little cocky and a little dangerous. Don’t disappoint her. Show up in your black beater or Ed Hardy t-shirt, ripped jeans and that vintage denim jacket that you’ve appliquéd with your own mysterious “artwork”. Worn-out accessories are really important to
your look, so make sure you are rocking the bandana around the forehead, the leather cuff on the wrist and the vintage Converse on your feet look. Avoid wearing a strong scent if you can help it, as it takes away from the sense that you’ve been hanging out in some back alley all day, illegally spraying graffiti on a wall. Your date is certain you are going to want to have sex with her on the first date, so be prepared. Pack your knife, dildo, rope or whatever
other play toys you enjoy using in the bedroom and plan on going back to her place. And, most importantly, if you want
to get the girl: wear a pair of really funny/cute/cartoony boy undies or boxers. Something like adult superhero
underwear or anything from H&M’s men’s underwear selection. That will disarm her and make her believe that underneath your
tattooed, faux-hawked exterior lies a romantic and funny love-bunny. Your message is “I’m a tough, lonely alley cat waiting for a nice pussy like you to take me in and give me some serious lovin’.”
HIGH FEMME
LIPSTICK LESBIAN
From left: High-waisted looks by Nanette Lepore, Victoria’s Secret, Bebe
For those of you I was able to cover in this blog, let me know how your first date goes this weekend! Everyone else, tell me about your personal style and what your first date fashion dilemma is.
Parisa Parnian is the designer of queer fashion label, RIGGED OUT/FITTERS.
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57 Comments
Hmm.. So I would have to say
Hmm..
So I would have to say that I am a lipstick lesbian, Over here in the good ol' land of Aus lipstick lesbians are girls who kiss girls for attention but aren't really gay... Haha but I fit your new definition of the lable and I quite like it, along with other very femme, high fashion females ;)!
I adore dresses, skirts, skinny legs with boots and flowy tops. My prize possessions at the moment are my great grandmothers engagement ring, my D&G wristband and my chanel compact for make up emergencies.
Though I must say, I love wearing a nice pair of faded out jeans with a T shirt and my DC's from time to time.
Dressing for a date is still always so stressful though!! Or even dressing for a party where probably future hook-ups await!
So I would have to say that
So I would have to say that I am a lipstick lesbian, Over here in the good ol' land of Aus lipstick lesbians are girls who kiss girls for attention but aren't really gay...
Seriously? I'm an Aussie chick myself and I have never heard that definition of Lipstick Lesbian. Maybe it's a regional vernacular.
Must be :) Back in the days
Must be :)
Back in the days of highschool when a girl got drunk and kissed another girl in order to vye for a males attention, or for the general attention of the rest of the drunken crowd, they were referred to as "Lipstick lesbians"
Okay....
I wanna know what happened to the good ole simple days of dyke dress up. Jeans, a white button down dress shirt from the GAP....and maybe a belt....only if it was a "special date."
I now need a new wardrobe every other week, although that works out good for you Parisa because I am in love with your clothes!!!!
Keep sending them out, I''l keep buying.
N!k
Didn't we all look like this?
Definitely pulled off a
Definitely pulled off a t-shirt and jeans look for my date last Wednesday. A navy colored AE t-shirt, Diesel jeans, black vans, and threw on a white sweater from Divided and my leather coat. Not only casual, comfortable, but sophisticated for the chilly night out. ;]
My friend purchased a black pinstriped fedora. Can't wait to show that off.
:P
I think that fedora will look hot with that Ladykiller Blazer, Parisa - Can't wait to purchase it!
~M
THIS IS GREAT!!!!
This is so AWESOME!!!! when i read this it gave me all these ideas so when i take my honey out on dates. Yes i still dress up for my girl friend when we go out on dates. Even though we live together I still ask her out on dates as if it was for the first time.. well all i got to say is that this blog is awesome! now i can mix/match and try new things every time we go out on date and surprise her... thank you!!! :)
V/R
Torres
Cartoon pants.
Are great.
Really they are.
c'est chic.
I love this! I suppose I'm a lipstick lesbian, although I hate to be dumped into a category. I love fashion, in a non-trendy sort of way. I stick with my 'classics' of jeans, leather jacket, trench coat etc, and if I'm going out on a Saturday night then I'll tend to pop some lipstick on too, but I like playing with the 'mood' aspect of fashion. eg. girly skirt and flip-flops when it starts to feel like summer, or sweater, jeans, hoodie, brown leather bomber and boots when I'm all 'don't mess'.
I'm really looking forward to the "powerdyke" post, and hope that you'll also examine their portrayal in that one episode of Sex & the City where Charlotte hangs out with the power lesbians of the New York art world.
What episode?
Not sure how I missed the episode you are talking about--what season/episode of Sex in the City was that? I'm curious to see their portrayal of power lesbians in NYC!
Season 2, episode 6 - The
Season 2, episode 6 - The Cheating Curve.
Lipstick or just an ordinary girl!
Parisa,
Great article. It always amazes me why we feel the need to fall into some category, butch, femme, lipstick etc
Fashion has always played such a part in our community helping some define who they are.
Perhaps I will buy another pair of your sexy undies for my next hot date....
Keep up the good work, you need your own show..................
When is Dirty Phoenix on tour again :-)
J x
Just Butch
I think it would take me a week to decide what to wear on a first date. Where am I taking her? What time of year is it? Is it typical dinner/movie or bar/club or some kind of daytime outing or what? So much to factor in.
My style has a lot of range but for a first date, it's typically GQ. Pinstripe suit/solid shirt/striped tie/pocket square. If its a more casual date, I'll go with some classic dark rinse button-fly low-rise jeans, crisp oxford (or poplin), full zip hooded sweatshirt, corduroy blazer, and worn in square toed shoes. If it's not chilly enough for that ensemble, then I do a lighter pair of jeans with a short sleeved v-neck, cotton blazer (or chambray shirt unbuttoned with the sleeves rolled up) and leather flip-flops. And cologne...always cologne. I have a favorite for every season. Winter- Burberry London, Spring- Kenneth Cole Reaction, Summer- Azzaro Chrome, and Fall- Givenchy Pi.
Lucky me, I no longer have to worry about first dates. Now I can focus on the continuing evolution of partnered bliss....and deciding what to wear on all our future dates...got any "keep the flame burning" fashion tips?
And don't you hate to pack
And don't you hate to pack to go somewhere,because it seems you need more luggage then everyone else.(lol)For all those what if the weather changes? What if where you go changes? Just what if I don't want to wear that.Suppose,suppose!
packin big
Ha! Don't get me started on luggage. It takes me days and days to pack. Trying to put together several different outfit options for each possible event/weather/location/etc. Although I did manage to keep it down to just one large duffle bag when I went away for the weekend last time. Just jeans and t-shirts!...okay, and my favorite madras shirt...and a couple shoe options...but still, just one bag!
i think i'm high femme MOST
i think i'm high femme MOST of the time, but i can also wear a t-shirt with my jeans and my converse , maybe its a lesbian thing to switch completly different styles like that , i dont know ...
I really like to wear different type of clothes , i can put on dark make up and wear all black , and the next day i would put on a gloss with glitter and a pink shirt with a cartoon on it , and then i could wear a business suit with a tie and stuff.
omg , i have different personalities ! HELP !
Sa ki la pou'w dlo pa ka chayé'y
I'm actually dating!
I think I want to make love to the Stop Staring! website.
I'm a femme who just met someone and is actually do the whole dating thing with a fantastic androgynous girl. She's definitely a "jeans and tshirts tomboy" by your definition. On our first date (a few weeks ago) I wore a mid-thigh length strappy green dress with cute black shoes, my hair and makeup perfectly done and my best perfume. She wore nice dark wash jeans, a really soft (I don't know why, but the soft texture was kinda...sexy almost) black tshirt with a button up over it, Vans, and some black eyeliner. We made good first impressions on each other lol. :) She occasionally gets "sir," but mostly people can tell that she's female, they just know she's a lesbian the minute they see her. Unlike me. :/
By the way, I have the "Femme Fatale" dress in red from your website. I love showing off my femme pride in it lol
Go Femme Pride!
Glad you are enjoying your "femme fatale" dress--I just sold out of that style in the red color! Have you worn that dress for your current date?
No, I've worn it, but not in
No, I've worn it, but not in front of her. We're going out tonight though, so it's a possibility. :)
I'm a little bit punk, I
I'm a little bit punk, I love vintage and I'm a little bit artsy. I like to refer to my style as "kitschy punk". I usually look like Kristin Hersh and Sonic Youth got together and dressed me.
Straight girls tell me I'm "not very girly," yet many dykes tell me that I am. *shrugs*
namaste
I don't know where I fit in
I don't know where I fit in any of those categories. I am a jeans and shirt lesbian but I'm most comfortable in shirts that accentuate my boobs and hugs my body. Kinda like Bette when she was working at CAC, but with not so frilly tops. Like Joyce Wischnia but more feminine. I like people to think "is she a girl or is she not" :D
PS to Chapstick Lezzie...
That was brilliant. You should know. I'd cry if someone took all my chapstick (Aveeno, Kiehl's, Rosebud Salve...) away from me. CRY.
Like, whoa.
Well done, Parisa. I learn something new every day. I feel like I need a category that is something like a butch-loving lipstick-cum-high femme lesbian who loves roughing it (I mean camping, you filthies!) and keeps a pair of emergency flats in her giant Betsey Johnson Union Johnson bag, but feels guilty and sell-out-y about it.
Also: The dapper-faggy-butch. Am I allowed to say faggy? My GF is a self-proclaimed dapper-faggy-butch, which means she's a lesbian, but gives product-loving gay boys a run for their money, wardrobe-wise, not to mention footwear, styling products, etc. Which also means, of course, that all the gay boys squeal at her and want to put her in their pocket.
Being a fancy, well-dressed lesbian is hard. But so fucking worth it. (God, am I allowed to curse here? I don't know. I feel like someone is going to scold me.)
Lipstick and Camping
are not mutually exclusive, my fellow high femme. A girl can enjoy her stilettos but still be a clever and practical lady who brings flats (or flip-flops in hotter climates) to change into when the 5-inchers get to be a bit much. I, too, absolutely LOVE camping. I'm sure a lot of other femme readers will agree that you are not alone in your girly-girl who likes roughing it personality. And carrying emergency flats in your Betsey Johnson bag is brilliant, not a sell-out. Wish I'd had an emergency pair when the black-out happened in New York a few years ago. Not fun walking across the Brooklyn Bridge in heels.
Creating queer style, one homo at a time,
Parisa
www.riggedoutfit.com
Chap-stic Lesbian
So i always get really annoyed when people call me butch...which, perhaps is why under my large sunglasses i always rock the eyeliner. Okay..so I'll admit that I can arm wrestle and get called' sir 'more than 'mam'. But I like some make up and a bra once in a while too. Chap-stick lesbian. Why not kick ass,look cute, and confuse?
Hmm...
I called the girl I'm seeing right now "soft butch" and she got really frustrated with me. :/ She insists on the label androgynous, but chapstick lesbian sounds like it'd fit too (or futch, if you watched Tila Tequila). She can fix my car, opens my doors for me (including the car door), insists on paying for me, and has a million tattoos but she wears eyeliner and secretly loves romantic comedies. So I dunno, she seems butch-lite to me but she says she's not butch. I didn't understand it till I realized I HATE being called a lipstick lesbian. I'm too into my own femininity and my masculine girls; I'm definitely femme. And so I guess what I'm saying is I know now that it's not all how you appear, it's also how you feel and orient yourself.
Maybe androgynous/chapstick lesbian is the new butch (for the new millenium)?
Noted.
As much as I personally LOVE the idea of there being more butches out in the world, I do see your point. I like that you confuse folks a little with your tough, boyish stance AND eyeliner. Mixing it up and not conforming to any pre-conceived notion of who you are is what individual style is all about!
Creating queer style, one homo at a time,
Parisa
www.riggedoutfit.com
GIVE US MORE!
We need to see and hear more...
Parisa, you need your own show!!!
ohhh..
can't wait for the lipstick tomboy lesbian blog. Your blogs are very cool reading.
Ciao Parisa
Can't wait for your next blog...
That was a really good description of lipstick lesbian! I especially liked the hints about manicure and panties. Spot-on!
I'm probably more lipstick lesbian than any of the other types you've listed, but I do have my "T-shirt and jeans" days. Even then, though, I'd never forget my heels or my mascara :)
-------------
-----------------------
Hmmm
I think I'll have to agree with the majority here. I tend towards tomboy styles most days, but sometimes opt for a more feminine style, particularly for dates (yes, there are lesbians who still go out on real dates) because that's when I tend to feel most girly.
oh my dear.
I evidently have no fashion sense what-so-ever. I started wearing all black in high school because I thought it would make me less noticeable until I realized that normal people usually reserve black for funerals. I get a lot of weird stares.
Black is always in style...
..maybe the town you grew up in just didn't understand your timeless fashion sensibilities.
looking like a stereotype tshirt and jeans kid right now...
this is hilarious...let me give you a run down of what i'm wearing RIGHT NOW after coming back from an outing downtown:
1. American Eagle Outfitters jeans - not really high end, but i like them.
2. Jimmy'z Surf Co. t-shirt - LOVE Jimmy'z and Urban Outfitters tees
3. Vans slip ons - white with grey stars...perfect for black lights!
4. Free People hooded jacket - grey, very destressed, long-ass cuffs
too bad i wasn't on a date...just chilling with a straight girl-friend. such a waste...i look super-cute ;) at least straighty told me i looked great. always good to hear from anyone!
--the world is a vampire...
Yup, you fit the bill.
Take your cute self out and ask a girl on a date, wontcha?
She's rockin' it
Such a good writer, Parisa. You are our pioneer.
Oh man. I am such the
Oh man. I am such the lipstick lesbian. And I adore that outfit from Bebe. I want it now.
i never really considered myself tomboy
but i guess i am, well for the most part: jeans, t-shirt, sneakers, and a cardigan. i suppose the cardigan is kind of femme-y and i'll wear a skirt and heels on the very rare occasion. so i guess i'm and tomboy with lipstick tendencies.
as far as who gets me "hot under the hood." i guess i tend to like other tomboys. what would that be called?
t-shirt and jeans tomboy
that's me to a T. I do the black chuck taylors instead of the vans or wear boots and keep the shirt simple without any printing, a little john varvatos cologne, and i'm good to go. i like simple on me - don't like drawing a lot of attention - i'd rather the attention go to my girlfriend.
High femme question for Parisa...
"Do you tend to get hot under the hood for a dapper butch/boi/boyish/andro-type who is going view you as that mysterious, femine, nice-smelling, heel wearing creature of pleasure that is so different than herself"
Why yes, yes I do! :D
hmmm, maybe I should change to thathighfemmegirl... (hee-hee!)
Hi Parisa, I recently ordered an "Outlaw" shirt from Rigged and was wondering if I could get some advise on how to make it more "femme."
A little "fashion background" if you will: I sometime wear tomboy skinny jeans, and I usually pair them with cute ballet flats. But I sometimes pair them with tennis shoes ( well-worn (Black-spotted) Converse) but my long hair and other accessories "balance out" the tomboy stuff...so I guess I mix it up at times, but still remain "femme."
So, any suggestions for that cute little "Outlaw" shirt?
:)
How to Femme Up A Tshirt
Hey thanks for pickin' up some threads from my clothing line. You must be talking about the light blue OUTLAW shirt that only comes in a unisex cut.
Here's how I femmed mine up:
(CREATE A LOW-CUT V-NECK)
1- With the shirt flat on a table, take a pencil and draw a point dead center on your chest, right above the word OUTLAW. Use a ruler and draw a line from that point to where your neck binding meets your shoulder (both left and right). You have now created a "V" shape that is going to become you new, sexier neckline.
2- Start by cutting around the back of the neck binding, right along, but below where the stitching is. When you get to the part of the neckline near the shoulders, start following the pencil line you drew until you get to the center point of your chest. Repeat with the other side of the neckline.
(CREATE GIRLY SLEEVES)
You can cut the boyish sleeves to look more like a cap-sleeve, which tends for a more feminine effect.
1- Lay t-shirt flat on table. Take a pencil and draw a point on each sleeve about 1/2" from the armpit. On the upper part of the sleeve, draw a point that is about 3-4" from the shoulder point. Connect the two dots with a ruler.
2- Cut along that line to create a cap-sleeve effect on your sleeves.
thanks!
I will put my scissors to good use this weekend!
:)
Hmm
I think when I'm casual, I'm a mixture of medium femme and slight tomboy. When I dress it up though, I'm aiming for the Bette look- not that I could look as good as Jennifer Beals in those clothes (has Bette moment, lol), but I like the PowerDyke Femme look, it's hott! ;-) So I'm in the first stages of mastering it. I liked this post, I didn't really think about all of these different styles and which ones I should be wearing on dates! Thanks Parisa-Designer. --Britt
little bit of both!
I think I can be both tom boyish and a little girly. I would consider myself a lipstick tomboy Lesbian. Dead sexy both ways. I love lots of styles
We'll have to...
...cover the lipstick tomboy lesbian in an upcoming blog. I just had a fashion designer friend text me from NYC to say she would be a lipstick lezzie with tomboy tendies if she was a lezzie. I think this is a big style category that we shall adresse!
mmhmm.
i, too, fall into the lipstick/tomboy category. looking forward to "hearing" your thoughts on that in the future! :)
Good post Tiffany
Parisa, I think she nailed it for me too. This is a cool thread. :) Peace, Jodie
One more thing... (from the skater girl/ rock/punk/ BOI)
I couldn't have said it any better myself Parisa you are a beacon of style! And I feel obligated to mention that one must rock the oversized larger than life sunglasses with the bandana and chuck T combo. It's really a three step process. ;) Muah!
I always assumed High Femme meant "High Maintenance"
But, if it really means a feminine lesbian who likes the butch type, then I'll make sure not to use that label. Put me under the lipstick umbrella.
Lady Moor
What do you call Bette's style, Parisa?
I really like the way she dresses the best, for me anyway. A few things the character has worn are a bit over the top for me, but the bulk of her wardrobe I really like/can relate to, and would wear. Thanks. :) Peace, Jodie