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Phone Sex: Believing in Love
April 5, 2008 - 9:50am — Grace Moon
[In response to Ilene's Phone Sex question]
I believe in sex and I believe in love. Yet, we often confuse the two by using one to access the other.
Ilene, let me tell you a story.
The founder of Aikido was a man named Morihei Ueshiba who died at the age of 85 in 1969. Although Ueshiba was the grandson of a great Samurai warrior, as a young boy he was described as a day-dreaming pacifist. He loved to hear stories about the great ninth century Japanese saint of Buddhism, Kobo Daishi. It is believed that Kobo Daishi never died, but one day sat to meditate and went into a profound state of Samadhi from which he never arose. A shrine was built above his seated body on Mount Koya (the place he performed his spiritual practices) and is still visited by monks and seekers today who experience a deep state of inner absorption there.
Morihei Ueshiba’s tranquil childhood was abruptly broken when his father was beaten up by a couple of thugs. Ueshiba then decided to study martial arts. He became accomplished in sumo wrestling, Jujutsu and swordsmanship. In 1903, Japan entered into the Russo-Japanese War followed by the World Wars. During these decades, Ueshiba was enlisted in the army. Ueshiba had become a fearsome warrior navigating the world using his might and skill.
One day, after a fight defeating a naval officer during which Ueshiba broke the officer’s wooden staff with his bare hands, Ueshiba took a walk in a garden. Suddenly, the ground began to shake and he was enveloped by a golden light. In Ueshiba’s own words he described: “All at once I understood the meaning of creation; the Way of a Warrior is to manifest Divine Love, a spirit that embraces and protects all things.”
At the end of Ueshiba’s life he contracted stomach cancer, yet he was as devoted to his practice as his students were devoted to him that he visited his Aikido Dojo everyday. His illness had made him so frail that he had to be carried to the Dojo. But once inside, when Ueshiba hit the mat, he became full of vigor and conducted class with the energy of his youth.
I believe that sex is an art, like a martial art. It is an activity that our bodies perform that lead us to a state of oneness. Sex performed with skill and acuity is a path to our heart. That little warm death we call an orgasm is a brief moment of nothingness, a deep and profound experience of our own pure self.
I believe we confuse commitment with devotion. Commitment is fueled by the fear of loss. Devotion is fueled by love. I believe that love is not a possession; it is the quality of our very heart that we cultivate throughout our lifetime. Love is something we bring to everything we do and hopefully everyone we meet.
So Ilene, I have not really answered your question at all because I think the question you were really asking is “Can ‘true love’ or the desire for ‘true love’ stop the wandering of the sexually promiscuous?”
I’m going to pass this question on to a woman who I know makes all the girls swoon, rock star Melissa Ferrick. Melissa, I see you as a true musician heartthrob with many zealous and adoring fans, and wonder how you have navigated the path between love and desire. So Melissa, I’m reframing Ilene’s question to you: Do you think that we lesbians can have many true loves (as torturous as they sometimes are) throughout our lifetime, or do you think we are always only ever seeking the One?
We await your words of wisdom and rock star know how,
xo G Moon
[Read Melissa's answer here. ]
I believe in sex and I believe in love. Yet, we often confuse the two by using one to access the other.
Ilene, let me tell you a story.
The founder of Aikido was a man named Morihei Ueshiba who died at the age of 85 in 1969. Although Ueshiba was the grandson of a great Samurai warrior, as a young boy he was described as a day-dreaming pacifist. He loved to hear stories about the great ninth century Japanese saint of Buddhism, Kobo Daishi. It is believed that Kobo Daishi never died, but one day sat to meditate and went into a profound state of Samadhi from which he never arose. A shrine was built above his seated body on Mount Koya (the place he performed his spiritual practices) and is still visited by monks and seekers today who experience a deep state of inner absorption there.
Morihei Ueshiba’s tranquil childhood was abruptly broken when his father was beaten up by a couple of thugs. Ueshiba then decided to study martial arts. He became accomplished in sumo wrestling, Jujutsu and swordsmanship. In 1903, Japan entered into the Russo-Japanese War followed by the World Wars. During these decades, Ueshiba was enlisted in the army. Ueshiba had become a fearsome warrior navigating the world using his might and skill.
One day, after a fight defeating a naval officer during which Ueshiba broke the officer’s wooden staff with his bare hands, Ueshiba took a walk in a garden. Suddenly, the ground began to shake and he was enveloped by a golden light. In Ueshiba’s own words he described: “All at once I understood the meaning of creation; the Way of a Warrior is to manifest Divine Love, a spirit that embraces and protects all things.”
At the end of Ueshiba’s life he contracted stomach cancer, yet he was as devoted to his practice as his students were devoted to him that he visited his Aikido Dojo everyday. His illness had made him so frail that he had to be carried to the Dojo. But once inside, when Ueshiba hit the mat, he became full of vigor and conducted class with the energy of his youth.
I believe that sex is an art, like a martial art. It is an activity that our bodies perform that lead us to a state of oneness. Sex performed with skill and acuity is a path to our heart. That little warm death we call an orgasm is a brief moment of nothingness, a deep and profound experience of our own pure self.
I believe we confuse commitment with devotion. Commitment is fueled by the fear of loss. Devotion is fueled by love. I believe that love is not a possession; it is the quality of our very heart that we cultivate throughout our lifetime. Love is something we bring to everything we do and hopefully everyone we meet.
So Ilene, I have not really answered your question at all because I think the question you were really asking is “Can ‘true love’ or the desire for ‘true love’ stop the wandering of the sexually promiscuous?”
I’m going to pass this question on to a woman who I know makes all the girls swoon, rock star Melissa Ferrick. Melissa, I see you as a true musician heartthrob with many zealous and adoring fans, and wonder how you have navigated the path between love and desire. So Melissa, I’m reframing Ilene’s question to you: Do you think that we lesbians can have many true loves (as torturous as they sometimes are) throughout our lifetime, or do you think we are always only ever seeking the One?
We await your words of wisdom and rock star know how,
xo G Moon
[Read Melissa's answer here. ]
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52 Comments
Food for thought
This is one of the most interesting blogs I've read so far. I've never thought of things in that light:
'I believe that sex is an art, like a martial art. It is an activity that our bodies perform that lead us to a state of oneness. Sex performed with skill and acuity is a path to our heart. That little warm death we call an orgasm is a brief moment of nothingness, a deep and profound experience of our own pure self.'
In honesty from what little I know of it, your belief runs parallel in ways to the tantra...could you verify that?
As stated before, trying to discern between commitment and devotion was truly profound. Food for thought indeed.
feeling!!!!No art....
Women do not have sex women make love....
Speak for yourself! Some of
Speak for yourself! Some of us like our fucking every bit as much as we like our love-making. In other words, what Meffle said.
Well, that may have been your experience
But personally (if I may pull the curtain back for just a moment here), I've run the gamut from f-ing, being f-ed, having sex (from ho-hum or Oh sh*t!) to making love... and that's just with my wife
Making love is sweet... I mean SUWEET! But there's a time a place for everything. Sometimes you want it raw and earthy, sometimes candle lit and gentle. And if you're lucky (and smart, in my opinion) you get into that full duplex sex when you both send and receive. (Sorry, I'm a telecommunicator by trade.)
Bette & Candace were not making love.
Bette & Tina, end of season 1 were not making love.
Shane & Cherie Jaffe
Shane & anyone other than Carmen
Alice & Lisa the LIM
Jenny & that French chick
Marina & the French chick
Helena and the prison chick
Tina & Henry
Bette & the intern
Dana & Tonya
No love making in any of that.
Oh yeah, women have sex. Hell, women f*ck! And thank God for that!
There's a thin line...
our first encounter
We met in a crowed room, you joined my table, talked to me, and left with the promise of a dance. Later I saw you cross the floor, I approached you for that dance.
We danced and you pressed yourself against me, gently testing me with questions of previous commitments and relationships.
We arranged to meet a few weeks later at an Island party. The hotel room we shared had one bed. The feelings were tangible, the air electric.
We dined, went to the party late and our first “date” became the beginning of a lifetime of commitment. You are my "One".
*bows to Grace*
Wow, I have never read the other blogs around here other than Ilene's L Word stuff, but I was scanning across the front page and saw something about Phone Sex. Sounded like a fun read before I logged out for the night. I skim Ilene's post first, which you linked....then yours.....then...
BAM!
I believe we confuse commitment with devotion. Commitment is fueled by the fear of loss. Devotion is fueled by love. I believe that love is not a possession; it is the quality of our very heart that we cultivate throughout our lifetime. Love is something we bring to everything we do and hopefully everyone we meet.
And to tie it all in with Onsensei?! Brilliant.
And beautiful Truth.
I would have never guessed that I was going to read something so profound here. Thank you for proving me wrong.
************************
Om Santih Santih Santih!
************************
chantgirl
... when I can woo a die hard L word fan into our other blogs I know something is going right.
You've just given me a great new column idea... thanks for your prayer wheel avatar--it spoke to me. xo
holy crap!
moon, that ueshiba video is so fukin rad...
thanks so much for posting that! i can't stop watching it!!!
by the way, you totally didn't even respond to ilene's question. but that ueshiba vid gets you off the hook. a little.
i love how you define an orgasm as a little warm death. that gets you off a little, too xx
but seriously, answer ilene's questions, wuddya please?
Seriously, Grace... posting
Seriously, Grace... posting a journalistic blog full of intimations of personal promiscuity, then answering my direct sex question with a high-minded allegory about wisdom gleaned from the sensei. Is this a koan? Dish, girl.
right?!??
c'mon, grace. spit it. : ) or, okay... fine. it's not a koan ~ but you still have to answer ilene's questions!
That's what I say!! :)
That's what I say!!
:)
Koans are short pithy
Koans are short pithy statements which are designed to make the mind stop.
this was not, it was a contemplation in an unending dialogue which you began...
;)
Koans?
koan- a Zen Buddhist riddle used to focus the mind during meditation and to develop intuitive thinking
Me thinks you digress too much
"The One"
Grace you put it beautifully. Thinking about "The One", sometimes people put too much into looking for that right person, soul mate, instead of letting that person come to them. We meet a woman, have common interests, enjoy each other's company, have great sex, etc. We think "oh, she's it. she's who i've been looking for". We soon realize, however, that she was not, once the facade is removed. I was one of those women. When I finally did meet my soul mate, it was like a whole new world opened up, and, after 16 years, we're still together. We are very much in love with each other. One thing that people sometimes confuse is loving someone and being in love with someone. To me it is the same committment (loving someone) and devotion (being in love with someone).
Sex as an art? Hmmmmm, I like that thought.
Outandproud's comment on "The One"
Interesting take. But,were you really being truthful of just postulating?
Thanks for sharing that
Thanks for sharing that story with the line from the poem- Here is the poem for those who dont know it and wanted to know what the hell I am talking bout!!!!.
"People come into your Life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON. . .
It is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are!
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part,
or at an inconvenient time, this person will say
or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered.
And now it is time to move on.
Then people come into your life for a SEASON....
Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons:
things you must build upon in order to have
a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all
other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant."
Cool
Thanks a lot !
Did not know this one (well i over looked it for i have a link of a site that that is on ) ough
really like it
thanks 4 sharing !
ok i googled and as i said i did have some links i just did not read correct?
now for those who where wondering who wrote it?
if this is it :
http://www.wholisticresearch.com/info/artshow.php3?artid=238
Brian A. “Drew” Chalker
Thanks KIT for the link-
Thanks KIT for the link- yeah every time i searched for who wrote it i would find Anonymous or author unknown -and it seems like alot of people have tried to take credit for it - so thanks for the investigation.
Thanks Alicat
Those a reassuring words for a reasonable, seasonable lover.
Lezbeth
yr welcome- yeah they are
yr welcome- yeah they are def reassuring words for the reasonably seasonable lover in all of us :)
Love Swami...
Well said, beautiful and true. Here's to the arts!
Thanks Grace.
xx
Hey, Grace. Want to practice
Hey, Grace. Want to practice some martial arts with me? ;=)
Seriously, I think some people will find many with whom to be devoted, some will find a few, and some will find one.
Minnie, you demonstrate
Minnie, you demonstrate here, once again, that you are a goddess of wisdom. Was great to meet you at the Dinah. It seemed, at once, like meeting an elusive celebrity and reconnecting with an old friend. Until soon... Ilene
Hee-Yah
:)
Ok it is science fiction:
Ok it is science fiction and true open question : but lets imagine we don't have any physical pleasure in practicing sex, do you thing we still do ?
(i precise that i don't mean the case of excision por rigidity, i mean a case were all humanity were born with no pleasure ability in doing sex !)
mm now your asuming that ...
having sex is only about physical pleasure?
and yes there is a difference between having sex and making love.
yet ...
even though that is true it is still possible to have sex and feel it on a emotional spiritual psychological etc. level.
mm hard to explain?
but the answer to your question to me then would be : yes we would still do.
lol
I'm not assuming anything
I'm not assuming anything ;-)
I take a (fictional situation i admit) and after it must be the beginning point for a kind of dream and logical thinking. Maybe this is not going to bring anything interesting but maybe yes !
I would like to discuss and invent un-anserws with OC members, so i just throw on the "paper" some idea i went trough :
What is sure is that human species need to bee touched and been taken into arms by others to grow with a secure confident feeling, it's a need.
I remember a Physiotherapists saying to one of my friend the better way to relax and push away her anxiety is to make good sex lol On a strict narow physiological point of view good sex (it can be with yourself or with a partner) bring agreement hormonal release.
There is also the species evolution theory wich assume that if there was not the plesaure reward, not any animals (and so human ?) would reproduct themselves.
I interesting and curious about the "asexual" community and their speech
If in our situation thre wouldn't have pohysical plesure interering in sex intercourse, what about the pleasure to give pleasure ?
when i ws young, i often wonder if i would have found by myself what sex is if i didn't have the culture representation (trough film, add, books, pornography why not, graiti in the WC etc..) and the living example o people kissing in the street ? I can remember the time where "sexx" was only a kind of specific word in a dictionnary, a word that made efffect on the other when pronounced (so it was a kind of mute word) and quite strange because o the "x". And as sometime the connection beetween word, meanings and reality is like kaleidoscope, if you breath then the image is totally another, sexcould be bound with a galaxy of things that are not related what the (impossible) usaul définition of sex is...
(i'm a speeking sleeper ;-)
My assumption was the eradication of the phycical pleasure, but i'm aware at this moment, that there is something consubstantial with orgasm in having sex with partenr(s) : it's the paradoxal stand climax where you have if you really want to reach orgasm, wher you have to cut within the inter-course, and that 's maybe why sex has something to do in its name with the section., this kind of dicontinuity in continuum, of closure in the opening...
well i shut my mouth now, even i i would like to discuss also the kind of oppsition you stress beetween "make love" and "have sex
, i think "make sex" is also true...)
darn darn darn just typed hole thing and pfoof gone ?
ok lets try again
and i was not trying to attack
or anything like it and yes these topics are interesting etc.
and don't shut your mouth lol
i love to hear what you think etc.
winks
i can only speak for my self so i can say i can have sex with out loving some one.
as well as i can say i can make love without having physical sex.
both topics have a lot to it.
when it comes to sex...
then yes there can be a physical part but again i don't think that that is all to it.
see how explain ? mmm ok imagine some one that has been raped.
the body it self can respond with out a person wanting it nor feeling pleasure by it . right (often the reason why some one then feels a shame or confused etc)
same goes for people who's body's do the opposite who don't respond
there can be different reasons for that . but let me take a simple example and say that person is paralyzed or what ever you type it. now even although the body might not respond that person might feel pleasure etc. because of other factors then its about the mental psychological state etc.
Puff
o and about the climax / orgasm ?
i believe there two types of that to
again you have the physical one
but you also have the spiritual one
different levels one might say
lol like i said these topics have a lot of angles
I'm shutting my mouth for now to
winks
because I'm drifting and getting of topic or away from your q i think? :)
Essence or exactitude?
Well, I think most knew that Ms. Moon's answer would be met with MORE questions, some disappointment in not getting exactly the answer we expected or wanted. I think Graces answer in the way it was phrased embraces one approach or style beautifully. In that the way the answer is delivered parallels the answer itself. Sex as an art...is an idea I find beautiful, but difficult to practice.(I have been told I am good tho) Too hard to extricate myself from the love affair component. How does one practice that Grace? Will you be my mentor? ;)
I believe we can have many
I believe we can have many true loves during the course of our lives. But yeah each person we enter a relationship with (committed or casual) teaches us something new about ourselves- sometimes we don’t learn the lesson the first time so we keep attracting the same kind of person until the lesson is learnt- ha ha ha isn’t that funny when we see that happen in our lives- Its all about the answers we are looking for in this journey of life.
so if you have found that true love and really feel they are "the one" and they in turn feel you are their "one" well you have evolved in a really great way where there is no need to search for certain lessons through different lovers.
"...people come into our lives for a reason a season or a life time..." (I love that poem -no clue of the author- anyone knows?)
well i only know the line from this : by Julie A. Manhan
People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
Cupcakes and Root Beer There once was a little boy who wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with cupcakes, several cans of root beer and started on his journey. When he had gone about three blocks, he saw an elderly woman. She was sitting on a park bench watching the pigeons. The boy sat down next to her and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed the lady looked hungry so he offered her a cupcake. She gratefully accepted and smiled at him. Her smile was so wonderful that he wanted to see it again, so he offered a root beer as well. Once again she smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling without saying a word. As it began to grow dark, the boy realized how tired he was and wanted to go home. He got up to leave but before he had gone no more than a few steps, he turned around and ran back to the old woman, g iving her a big hug. She gave him her biggest smile ever. When the boy arrived home his Mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked, "What has made you so happy today?" He replied, "I had lunch with God." Before his mother could respond he added, "You know what? She's got the most beautiful smile in the whole world!" Meanwhile, the old woman, also radiant with joy, returned to her home. Her son was stunned by the look of peace on her face. He asked, "Mother, what has made you so happy today?" She replied, "I ate cupcakes in the park with God." And before her son could reply, she added, "You know, he is much younger than I expected." Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring; all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Take no one for granted and embrace all equally with joy! By Julie A. Manhan
nice
and apt poem, i've actaually never heard it before.
The One
I've been called "My One." It turned out not to be true. We were devoted to our commitment--there's another spin on that idea. We truly loved each other. The relationship ended after five years of not always torturous devotion. It seems some lesbians can have their one, but some of us just aren't cut out for it.
I have to hand it to you, Grace. Who else could tie together phone sex, aikido, the Russo-Japanese war and lesbian love versus promiscuity in one little blog?
Lezbeth
thanks and
... here's to the One or the many...
Well Said Grace
"Commitment is fueled by the fear of loss. Devotion is fueled by love." That was well said. I am discovering there is beauty in loving and letting go. I'm no longer sure about seeking out "The One." Sometimes it almost seems like too much pressure to put on one person to meet all the needs of another in a lifetime. Hmmm...awaiting some rock star wisdom...
Tiffany
me too...
xo
"the One" : what is it ?
All women I met wanted to meet "the one", I was wondering what was "their one".
I asked... no answer, just a glance at me, shy, perhaps wanting me to be the one.
But... time after time I felt in their look that I was not "their One" (of course, but I couldn't tell them at first, quite nobody can hear "I am another one").
And I finally guessed : they only wanted themselves or what they dreamed about themselves to be "the One"!
I couldn't be "the One" because they finally didn't face anything different from their own vision of "the One".
Absolutely beautiful
I believe we confuse commitment with devotion. Commitment is fueled by the fear of loss. Devotion is fueled by love. I believe that love is not a possession; it is the quality of our very heart that we cultivate throughout our lifetime. Love is something we bring to everything we do and hopefully everyone we meet.
Beautiful, absolutely beautiful.
Nothing but love
Tex
mmm thats ... deep
or should i say : smart?
or maybe you just smoked one when you wrote it?
winks
what ever the answer is ?
i liked this post of yours
THANKS!
hmm..
I enjoyed this one.. Enough information to impact, yet leaves it to us to interpret and figure out for ourselves.
Cop-out.
I'm disappointed.
There's so much more you didn't get to the bottom of Gmoon!!! You gave me a slight taste and ran away. I wanted to know if, non-monogamy ever seriously scares the shit out of you because our world is built on small units of two that completely disregards the larger concept of love as a unifying emotion. I wanted to know how you deal with the subject of marriage especially in the climate of this election. I wanted to know what, if any, conflict shakes your conviction and what you do to return to your evolving truth.
I was certain it would be so good!
little bunny,
i think you know all the answers already... what do you need me for?
p.s. I don't think truth evolves, but my understanding of it does...
I think she answered it,
I think she answered it, just in a round-about-way. How does she deal with marriage? She doesn't, she avoids it like a plague. Moon is devoted to art and love in it's self...(yes, I'm deconstructing you, Grace)...and people are a part of the whole experience that magnifies that devotion to expression in art and love and connection...and more importantly, the experience of women are what truly magnify it.
I say this with utmost respect and love, Grace...and might I add, you totally turned me on doing that whole history symbolism!:)
rovermom :)
Life is a 3D puzzle and everyone has a piece!
NEW! OurChart Photo Assignment and My Blog
sometimes
you are turly insightful...
***gets out the dictionary
***gets out the dictionary and looks up "turly"***
1. turly -- another name for curly pubic hair
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=turly
ooooooookay, were drinking on that flight, Grace? ;)
Am I really a curly pube hair with insight...
rovermom :)
Life is a 3D puzzle and everyone has a piece!
NEW! OurChart Photo Assignment and My Blog
give me a break
it was late and i can't spell!!!!
Rovermom, you seriously cracked me up.
You are the funniest curly pube hair with insight I've ever seen! :)
Smooches to puggs...rover
Smooches to puggs...rover misses ya...
rovermom :)
Life is a 3D puzzle and everyone has a piece!
NEW! OurChart Photo Assignment and My Blog
meh
I wanted the profound nitty gritty :)
a HAH! You wanted the late
a HAH! You wanted the late night dirt...more then just a kiss an tell...
fer shame fer shame fer shame...
(not Shane, shame ;)
rovermom :)
Life is a 3D puzzle and everyone has a piece!
NEW! OurChart Photo Assignment and My Blog