Or hey, to put on and in someone else, right? Sharing is, after all, caring.

I kept on riding last week’s we’re-all-going-to-die-from-shampoo-poisoning bummer all the way into the Cosmetics Database. When I worked at LUSH, my co-workers and I took it as a point of pride that nothing from the company had made it on there except its name. After my SLS chemistry studies geek-out, I remain unconvinced that this is a good thing.

The CD weighs product ingredients against 50+ toxicity and regulatory databases from government agencies, industry panels and academic institutions. They rate products according to available data (and lack thereof), FDA review, industry review and known hazard. The methodology on their website starts out “We categorize the studies and data into 17 general hazard categories: cancer, reproductive/developmental toxicity, neurotoxicity, endocrine disruption potential, allergies/immunotoxicity, violations/restrictions/warnings, organ system toxicity, persistence/bioaccumulation, multiple/additive exposure, mutations, cellular/biochemical changes, ecotoxicity, occupational hazards, irritation, absorption, impurities and miscellaneous,” and gets scarier from there. Search on OPI I’m Not Really A Waitress, MAC Pro Longwear and hell, even the supposedly natural and fair-tradey Body Shop Mango Body Butter, if you really want to feel some mortality.

Since I am so not into ditching the I’m Not Really A Waitress et al, I’m starting to think about chemical exposure as risk management. Like doing needle exchange or getting condoms at the bar. Like putting on sunblock — oh. Right. Anyway.

A few products with ingredients that won’t confound the non-chemists:

Trader Joe’s Tangerine Sugar Scrub: sugar, sweet almond oil, sunflower oil, soybean oil, grapeseed oil, blend of natural and essential oils (Who knows what this could be, but for the sake of optimism let’s momentarily suspend cynicism.), tocopherol acetate (aka Vitamin E), ascorbic acid (aka Vitamin C). Super-scrubby and moisturizing. Rub it all over at the end of your bath or shower, rinse and skip the lotion. You’ll feel very proud of yourself for multi-tasking, if you’re into that sort of thing.

Oyin Handmade Whipped Pudding: purified water, unrefined shea butter, organic aloe vera gel, cocoa butter, castor oil, coconut oil, sweet almond and olive oils, vegetable emulsifier (see above re: suspending cynicism), beeswax, palm stearic acid (hydrogenated vegetable fat), vegetable glycerine, honey, optiphen (paraben-free/formaldehyde-free preservative... more suspension of cynicism), and fragrance (la la mystery ingredient). The scented cocoa butter/vanilla version will make everyone near you want to eat you right up. I seriously can’t say enough great things about this product or this small, family-owned company.

This is Oyin Whipped Pudding.


This is what it smells like.


The mama pal I mentioned last week — she prefers to be called Circus Handler as she deals with the shenanigans of an extra shenanigan-prone 10-month-old all day — would like to offer you her soap-tweaking tips. She starts with Dr. Bronner’s castile soap. Ingredients: water, saponified organic coconut (Saponification is the process of adding lye to a fat to create soap.), organic palm and organic olive oils, organic hemp oil, organic jojoba oil, essential oils, citric acid (preservative and cleaning agent, usually fruit-derived), Vitamin E. I am guessing that the citric acid is organically sourced considering that Dr. Bronner’s is suing a whole bunch of other companies for claiming their products are organic when they aren’t.

From there, Circus Handler adds a tablespoon of either coconut or jojoba oil per half cup of unscented Dr. B’s to create a baby wash that doesn’t dry out mini munchkin skin. She also recommends this ratio if you are switching from shampoo to castile for hair washing. She adds that coconut oil has munchkin delectability quotient-upping properties and also makes a good lube if you aren’t using latex, "from what I heard on the hippie mom forums."

Stay beautiful,
--Chaia