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If I Ever Fall in Love Again…
June 27, 2008 - 8:39am — Staceyann Chin
Amidst the funk of all this talk of lube and tongues and fingers and fucks without boundaries, is there room for love and cuddling and evenings without orgasms?
In case no one has told you, or you haven’t read the captions you click on, this little section is titled "SEX UP!" All the talk here is about fucking, consummation, bagging, getting to first base, etc. Everybody on this bottom rung of your scroller (there goes that cheap pun again) is thinking about, or jonesing for, or trying to get, or complaining about, or aching for some pussy.
But just so we don’t collapse the sex bloggers into the one-dimensional, one-track-minded, bitter sex fiends that we are assumed to be, let me tell you what love looks like for me, without the details of our genitalia.
Let’s begin with the woman I might fall for. She’s fierce, and funny, and smart, and so easy in her skin that she makes me forget that I am sometimes awkward, and insecure, and needy, and prone to shutting down when I am scared. She has her own life, but she cares about what happens in mine. She is able to say no to me without making me feel bad for having asked. She thinks I am amazing, even when I am in my jammies. She reads all my blogs and tells me when she thinks I am bullshitting.
In the wake of this Amazon Goddess of practicality and compassion, I am reduced to creating cliché nicknames that make us a pair. She’s is the Thelma to my Louise, the Mutt to my Jeff, the Tom to my Jerry, etc. There are walks in the park, road trips to the Grand Canyon and risky visits to my home in Jamaica. She holds me when I am missing my dead grandmother, or Montego Bay, so much I cannot sleep. She picks me up from the bathroom floor when I am reeling from my mother’s unkind comments or from the racism that renders me invisible in America. She is present, and supportive, even when I cannot see anything in myself to admire.
In turn, she allows me to gather her old wounds and dress them when they flare up. She is not afraid to fall apart in my arms. If she needs me, she is able to articulate it. And if for some reason she cannot, her eyes will tell me that I need to drop whatever the fuck I am doing and go get my girl. She likes sushi. And fresh-squeezed orange juice. She likes showering with me. She loves babies. And old women. And books. She adores a well-told story.
And she loves a good tumble in the proverbial hay as much as me. She is not afraid of dirty words and risqué misadventures in the boudoir. She fucks like a Mack truck when it is called for, and she can whisper words in a language only she and I understand. We can do it anywhere. She’s game. On a plane, in the backseat of my car, in the elevator, in our parents’ bed — laughter is the staple of our romance. And a close second is good sex. We both know that nothing is promised, but we promise each other the world anyway. We are willing to risk being wrong on forever.
These are the things that I do not say when I choose to write about the details of my exploratory humping. But, just like every dyke in the book, what you see is only a small sliver of the tale. And I have to admit that, yes, all the escapades are true — a few specifics are tweaked to protect the innocent, but don’t mistake what you see here as the whole of all our truths. Don’t be fooled by the pen. We are much, much more than these racy accounts designed to help you survive the mind-numbingly corporate afternoons.
In case no one has told you, or you haven’t read the captions you click on, this little section is titled "SEX UP!" All the talk here is about fucking, consummation, bagging, getting to first base, etc. Everybody on this bottom rung of your scroller (there goes that cheap pun again) is thinking about, or jonesing for, or trying to get, or complaining about, or aching for some pussy.
But just so we don’t collapse the sex bloggers into the one-dimensional, one-track-minded, bitter sex fiends that we are assumed to be, let me tell you what love looks like for me, without the details of our genitalia.
Let’s begin with the woman I might fall for. She’s fierce, and funny, and smart, and so easy in her skin that she makes me forget that I am sometimes awkward, and insecure, and needy, and prone to shutting down when I am scared. She has her own life, but she cares about what happens in mine. She is able to say no to me without making me feel bad for having asked. She thinks I am amazing, even when I am in my jammies. She reads all my blogs and tells me when she thinks I am bullshitting.
In the wake of this Amazon Goddess of practicality and compassion, I am reduced to creating cliché nicknames that make us a pair. She’s is the Thelma to my Louise, the Mutt to my Jeff, the Tom to my Jerry, etc. There are walks in the park, road trips to the Grand Canyon and risky visits to my home in Jamaica. She holds me when I am missing my dead grandmother, or Montego Bay, so much I cannot sleep. She picks me up from the bathroom floor when I am reeling from my mother’s unkind comments or from the racism that renders me invisible in America. She is present, and supportive, even when I cannot see anything in myself to admire.
In turn, she allows me to gather her old wounds and dress them when they flare up. She is not afraid to fall apart in my arms. If she needs me, she is able to articulate it. And if for some reason she cannot, her eyes will tell me that I need to drop whatever the fuck I am doing and go get my girl. She likes sushi. And fresh-squeezed orange juice. She likes showering with me. She loves babies. And old women. And books. She adores a well-told story.
And she loves a good tumble in the proverbial hay as much as me. She is not afraid of dirty words and risqué misadventures in the boudoir. She fucks like a Mack truck when it is called for, and she can whisper words in a language only she and I understand. We can do it anywhere. She’s game. On a plane, in the backseat of my car, in the elevator, in our parents’ bed — laughter is the staple of our romance. And a close second is good sex. We both know that nothing is promised, but we promise each other the world anyway. We are willing to risk being wrong on forever.
These are the things that I do not say when I choose to write about the details of my exploratory humping. But, just like every dyke in the book, what you see is only a small sliver of the tale. And I have to admit that, yes, all the escapades are true — a few specifics are tweaked to protect the innocent, but don’t mistake what you see here as the whole of all our truths. Don’t be fooled by the pen. We are much, much more than these racy accounts designed to help you survive the mind-numbingly corporate afternoons.
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51 Comments
I've Come to this late...
but had I seen it at the end of June, I would have been the amen corner but only because this is what I was wanting and lacking.
Today, I can cosign this with a hand wave and a hallelujah and the thought that maybe my musings on your blogs has helped shape my reality.
LOVE this one.
i'm seriously teary-eyed right now. i'm often amazed and how much we are alike yet so different. it's endearing though.
Yummie
One of the very few blogs that made me want to read the whole thing.
Not a Nice Girl
Mind-numbing, brilliant
Great writing Stacey. Its so true that we reveal just certain sides of ourselves... its a nice change to read stuff like this. As for your incredibly accurate comment - I can only agree & say thanks for helping me survive my mind-numbingly corporate afternoon (:
"I stopped practising homosexuality years ago when I became really good at it."
Why yes, Staceyann...
....."is there room for love and cuddling and evenings without orgasms?"
there certainly is...plenty of room, gurl...just gotta fill up that room...that space with all that you said...her laugh, her touch, her smile, the softness in her eyes, her whispers in your ear, her need for you, the way only she says your name, the smell and warmth of her, her being there for you...all that and more...and you..., there for her too.
...'a house is not a home, when there's no one there to hold you tight and no one there you can kiss goodnight....
...you're not meant to live alone... turn your house into a home....
now... go climb the stairs.. turn the key... she'll be there...
go cuddle.
Roger that
And loves opera. Other than that, you said it all.
hey wait
That's MY baby!! :D
*heaves a deep and satisfied
*heaves a deep and satisfied sigh*
A beautiful way to end a beautiful day. Thank you.
Peace, love, and all that jive.
Beautiful:)
I abhor plagiarism-but I just might have to steal a line or two. That was beautiful
I hope the woman I fall in love with
I hope the woman I fall in love with loves sushi too. And pandas.
this chrystos poem
Your blog reminded me of it:
Dream Lesbian Lover
by Chrystos
Is there when i get home from work but allows me silence
to unravel or better yet isn't there
but has left a note & a little surprise
She rubs my feet for hours
She wants to love me till i can't stand no more
& she rolls over to me so sweet
Dream lover cooks me hot meals & washes up after
Never arrives without flowers & only brings my favorites
Dream lover has long fingers a patient playful tongue
& thrives on 5 hours sleep a night
She could play the harmonica weave pine needle baskets
bead me a wedding sash write me lust poems
& love poems
Dreams lover has eyes deep as the sky
feels herself in others
feels our connecting bones Rises early in the morning
to make the best rich coffee
Aaah She could bring you to your knees with a look
& does
Dreamy woman has a bed of lace & roses & home
She could build a fire in the rain
Could always fix my car for free
Knows how to make chocolate mousse chocolate silk pie
black bottom cupcakes molasses cookies
sour cream coffee cake lemon pound cake
& fresh mango ice cream
O such a creamy dreamy one
She's showing up tonight with a butch pout
& a femme slink
a tough stance & a long knowing
Dream lover
she won't have any other girlfriends
but won't mind
if i do
swoons
this was brilliant, and a lovely start to my day.
a girl can dream..
can't she?
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it." Oscar Wilde
I need a woman who isn't full of games
Why is it so damn hard to find a partner who isn't full of mind games and jealousy? Relationships should be laid back and easy. Am I wrong?> Do I ask for too much?
Great blog!
.......from the hopeless romantic......
Nothing but love
Tex
Brilliant Blog!
I can tell you that when you have a woman that really makes love to you....there is nothing on Earth better. She gets you for you and that is a gift!!
BUBBA LOVE
"She irons her jeans. She's evil." BTVS
"So Willow's not driving stick anymore?" BTVS
oopsie
oopsie - deleted.
That's because you have to look
THE KEYBOARD not my black top silly hahahahaha
------------
"I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One. "
lol
distracting... shit...!
The woman of my dreams....
- Has a kleenex always available just in case i decide to see for a gazillion time "The English Patient"
- Loves coffe like me, but understand that i can't drink it cause im Hyperactive and makes me Hyper in another ways too.... Ok maybe that's a plus ;D
- She Is an Orphan.
-Her ex gf has an overweight problem and doesnt shaves her legs.
- She Let me cook for her. And then wash the dishes for me hehe
- Loves to wear parfum ... in all nice places....YAY!
-Understand and loves my creepy twisted sense of humour... and maybe thinks that i'm smart. Note to side, do not confuse smart as a synonym of homely girl ;)
Atte.
Moi
------------
"I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One. "
negative nancy
i used to think that i had all this, the "perfect relationship"; then i found out she was fucking the girlfriend of a close friend.
it was then i realized that after a year and a half of wasted life, all i had in rememberance was the sad realization that women are almost as bad as men.
Men, Women
doesn't really matter - it's about personality not gender... both men and women can be pricks. Sad but true.
Wow!!!
PASSIONATE38 After reading that!!!! I want a refund!! Somethings not right! I have alot of thinking to do. So u tell me it's suppose to be like that? Lmao just kidding, but Dang!!! REALTLK I'M SPEECHLESS
Wow
lovely, I just saw myself there.... I'm the lucky one who has all this... It's awsome the way you write....
Take a Deep Breath.......
It sounds like you know what you want and need. And you know, there is a girl out there who's looking for exactly what you have to give. If you look too hard, she'll run....... just let it happen, naturally. If a relationship is meant to grow into something beautiful, it will. If your heart is ready to let that special girl in, it will. If your soul is hungry for a deep and passionate commitment..... let her know. When SHE walks into your life, take a deep breath, and let yourself fall in love.
**sigh**
I love a girl who is self assured, independent and confident.... but still carries a hint of her "small town" innocence. Someone who's drive to succeed in her career doesn't take precedence over her own personal happiness. A girl who loves what she does, and does what she loves. A girl who will fuck my brains out.... repeatedly, and loves to cuddle and laugh afterwards.A girl who will let me pamper her and treat her like a goddess.A girl who will let me share,with her, my gentleness , tenderness and steaming passion, unchecked.A girl who understands that simply because I'm a femme,doesn't mean I'm weak. A girl who loves watching the sunset and the sunrise, in my arms. A girl who lets me bring her breakfast in bed, and can spend all day Saturday watching cartoons and making love in bed till the sun sets. A girl who loves fucking in the shower. A girl who's dreams are for her own happiness, and knows that if she's happy....I'll be happy. A simple girl....... a real, natural girl, a girl with a huge appetite for the good things life has to offer... and allows me to share them with her. A girl who's pussy tastes like the sweet juice from a honeysuckle vine............. Ummm...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KyqF5H0MUaM
4LLP............
Oh My LBDL...
Did somebody turn the HEAT up in here???
The object of your love and affections...
she is one damn LUCKY girl!!!
Itty....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmMNUiBCyRk
;)
oh my God
yes. i loved this blog.
ditto
and that is all.
Woah
wow, when I read the title of this blog, I was expecting something completely different from what I got. I know this is repeating what a few others have said, but I feel the need to say it (er.. type it) again... that was moving and eloquent. Thank you for the inspiration.
i thought i responded to this yesterday
but i seem to be missing here.
anyway, i applauded the blog. isn't it funny how sometimes it seems easier to write the bold and edgy than is it to open up in more introspective ways?
"We are willing to risk being wrong on forever." a great line. it takes a special kind of courage to be lover, doesn't it?
V
"S" words
That sounds great. For me, I'd just add that I hope she likes salsa as well as sushi.
And...
She's a very lucky woman... :)
Comfort zones...
Pure gorgeous wrapped in a pita.
I adore the dirty talk. The insides of you, what makes you love and what you love, are parts that I love to imagine. With blogs and books, I like that bit of mystery.
I like my blogger to have parts I can't quite put my finger on.
Your dream girl sounds like the word goddess, blended in with the word beauty.
I always wanted a girl who was weird, untraditional, looked down upon in modern society. A girl like me. A girl with no boundaries and no qualms about being herself.
Someone with insecurities, not because of what others think but because she feels she is doing herself injustice.
Someone who listens, talks, shouts, screams, scratches, bites...
And I agree with you about being able to talk about sex. I don't like the squeamish ones.
I adore your blogs.
the power of words and the law of attraction
Careful now! The last time I wrote a blog extolling the virtues of the woman of my dreams, she appeared just a few months later, right here.
Our Chart = good romantic ju ju.
Just beautiful
What a way with words! I hope you find that love you seek.
Hopefully someday I will too and be able to describe it just as eloquently.
amazing..
**laughter is the staple of our romance. And a close second is good sex. We both know that nothing is promised, but we promise each other the world anyway. We are willing to risk being wrong on forever.**
that is perfect.
well done.
this piece has literally made me ache with longing for this closeness you are describing. sometimes i feel like the epitome of loneliness.
Insert Shameless Self-Promotion Here
You lost me at sushi.
You lost me at sushi. Otherwise...
fuck...
You too?
I don't eat sushi. And as hot as Stacyann is....I still wont - but she can. I'll just eat the veggie sushi.
rovermom :)
Life is a 3D puzzle and everyone has a piece!
NEW! OurChart Photo Assignment and My Blog
nice
if i'm ever inclined to write an ad for one of those dating sites, i might just have to ask you for a hand... that was lovely and quite eloquent... also makes me thirsty somehow :)
refreshing this...
hoping...wishing...u find what u seek.
beautifully written piece.
think i found mine
ok, so not the books, but definitely the rest...truly amazing...i'm walking around with a big fucking smile all the time...
lol, i think you might have
lol, i think you might have already fallen.
Woman of many layers
A woman with many layers is GOOD as long she doesn't actually turn out to be Cybil, with 19 personalities and all.
~~~~~~~~~~~
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Don't drink the Koolaid!
I concur
I concur
that was a really good blog.
i am impressed. and i thought you were just a hornball.
i'm looking for the bobby sue to my billy joe - but she has to be educated and impress me with her wit and style first - but hilarity, disregard for social norms, a willingness to embarrass oneself in public are required - and a high sex drive - hours and hours of sex, sex, sex...
someone i can open the door for and be somewhat chivalrous with also required...
and nice tits. :)
34C
in a black top :P
------------
"I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One. "
hmmmm
bring those and the brownies!
LOL PARTY BROWNIES!
YAY! hmmm a very veryyyyy nice evening ahhhhh.....lol
Ok what's the deal with my black top? i think it's a hit....hmmmmm hahahaha
------------
"I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One. "