Now that the horror of Tila is over and I have developed a taste for this recapping business, I cast my eyes across the summer TV landscape and found one show more worthy than all others: Weeds. And what a week to begin anew…

First, in case you’re not up on this season, allow me to briefly bring you up to speed. Finding themselves homeless after Nancy torched their house last season, the Botwin clan has fled south to San Diego and “Bubbie’s” house. Nancy is trafficking drugs across the border for Guillermo. Doug has joined the Botwins in exile. Celia is recently sprung from prison by an FBI dude who wants Nancy to help him bring Guillermo down. And last week Celia got caught snooping outside Guillermo’s warehouse while Nancy was there. Which brings us to this week’s episode…

Guillermo holds a gun to Celia’s head, interrogating her about her presence and the heat she is packing: a camera. Things get physical. “She’s with me,” Nancy improvises. “She’s my back-up. Fucking bitch was supposed to stay in the car!” Thinking on your feet. Not bad, Nance! And way to stand by your oft-put-upon, if cunty, former best friend. Nancy is in it to win it and makes it look real by snatching up the gun and whacking Celia ACROSS THE FACE with the gun, knocking out one of her teeth. Holy molars!

“Nobody hits my crew!” Nancy snarls at one of Guillermo’s minions. “That’s my job!” Miraculously, Nancy manages to spirit away both Celia and her deposed tooth. “This is some sloppy shit,” Guillermo chastises as a parting shot. Nancy: “Agreed.” She promises to deal with the situation.

Back in the desert where Nancy was forced to leave him, Andy is traveling with a group of illegal, would-be immigrants and their despotic, rat bastard coyote. Andy makes nice with the lone woman in the group, who offers him a marzipan pig she fashioned herself. The coyote struts over and casually threatens her with rape in Spanish. She curses the guy out, describing in detail how she would love to kill him and send parts of his mutilated body back to his mother. Endearingly oblivious, Andy asks warmly: “Did you just say you missed your mother?” He hugs her. Their ride arrives and the coyote grants Andy passage for $6 and his limited edition “Fall Guys” belt buckle.

Back in the car, Nancy desperately tries to reach Andy, still trying to come to grips with Celia’s presence and mouthing off most impressively about it. “So there might be a dead body in the car when I get there,” she concludes. “And your outgoing message is creepy. Please change it.”

“I want my tooth back.” Celia’s demand comes out cowed and, well, toothless. “You don’t get your tooth back,” Nancy announces. “I drill a tiny hole in it and wear it around my neck. I become your god.” Bwahahaha!

Back at the house, the young Botwins are attempting to bring Silas’s mobile grow house (recently towed) indoors. While cutting a ventilation hole in the wall they disturb a nest of bees and a swarm chases them through the kitchen. Visiting Doug is allergic. Oops.

At the border fence, Nancy kicks Celia out of the car for a minute and tries to call Andy again, breaking down on his creepy voice mail, overwhelmed. Leaning her bloodied face in through the driver side window of the car, Celia seizes her moment. “Nancy? I forgive you.” Nancy’s shell-shocked expression stays perfectly in place as she rolls up her window, trapping Celia’s head in the car. The car eases forward, turning doughnuts as Celia scrambles to keep up. The two of them make their peace. Kinda.

Nancy meets Guillermo at an empty retail store at the outlet mall. He has figured it out! “Lesbiana! That’s your girl outside isn’t it?” He indicates Celia. The pictures on the camera are all of Nancy, so he assumes that they are lovers, that Celia thinks Nancy is “fucking around on her.” It is the perfect story, and Nancy is quick to agree. Guillermo shows her around her new drug front operation: Maternity World?

The coyote “comes calling” on Marzipan Chick and Andy jumps to her defense. When the coyote pulls a knife on him, Andy whips Nancy’s gun out of the back of his jeans and caps the guy in the knee. “Who’s the fall guy now, Coyote Ugly? I just said that!” he crows. “Did you hear me say that?” Andy takes Marzipan and another guy home with him.

Nancy has found new purpose and insight, a second wind if you will. She addresses her family, taking charge as benevolent dictator once more. Doug is told to find a new place to live and Celia is invited to stay on. But one loose end remains… Captain Till, the guy who sent Celia to San Diego.

Nancy meets him at his hang out, the karaoke bar. (Ha ha! He used to be on Buffy.) She tells him he’s going to back off of Celia, off of her, and why? Because she knows something about the departmental scandal her late husband the DEA agent was involved in. Ha! Blackmail looks good on Nancy. In a voice over, she actually thanks him for “backing me into a corner” and getting her to give up her drug-dealing ways, describing a boring day at her new job in retail to seal the deal. And we watch her at it, as she watches the clock. But is all really well?

A pounding noise sounds from the store’s stock room, boxes bouncing as Nancy approaches. She clears them away and a trapdoor in the floor opens up to a guy in miner’s attire. There’s a tunnel, and we see that the tunnel stretches on until it reaches a room decked out like a Prohibition-era speakeasy. And in the room, there is a man in a suit. A boss man. Guillermo’s boss, we can only assume.

Next week: Nancy, like Alice, wanders down the rabbit hole. Surprise, surprise. Boss man’s hot for her!

TV Week in Review
No More Sugar! This week the girls opened their club event, and were too busy making out with hot chicks, drinking and partying to promote the evening while it was going on. Will they make their bar guarantee money? Survey says: “Don’t hold your beer breath!”

From TexasChart:
Saving Grace: I have never watched a television program with more sex, drinking, smoking and questionable police tactics with religious overtones at its core. I recommend it highly. If nothing else, watch it to see Holly Hunter in her tight-fitting, wide-belted jeans and cowboy boots!

To Watch For Next Week

Sunday! Boys vs. girls: Chef Gabrielle Hamilton squares off against Bobby Flay on a new episode of Iron Chef America.

Monday! The season premiere of Paranormal State, following the adventures of paranormal research students at Penn State. And on Weeds, Silas ventures into Cougar Country. Woohoo!

Tuesday! Pat and Gina get a taste of BBQ, Minnesota-style, on Road Tasted with the Neelys. Gillian Anderson on Leno.

Wednesday! Holy Charlie’s Angels, Batman! Kate Jackson joins Jaclyn on Shear Genius. CNN’s special Black in America focuses in on the struggles of black women, airing at 9 p.m.

Friday! Gaying up the joint, the cast of Rent performs on Good Morning America. Nathan Lane on Letterman.