Nancy gazes down the hole under her new store like Alice contemplating the way to Wonderland. The decision made, she starts down… into the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland! Just kidding. Finally, she reaches a door. It’s the men’s room at Krusty D. Klown’s place! I mean… a secret, underground watering hole for drug lords in finely tailored suits! The suited up alpha male himself looks her up and down before walking away. Nancy is forcibly escorted back to her store and told to forget what she has seen. How very Matrix-y.


Back at Bubbie’s house, Celia and Doug are vulturing about, sizing up the goods as Shane and Andy prepare for the estate sale. While the adults bicker, Shane finds a hidden collection of “vintage murdered dog collars.” “Oh Jesus, Bubbie,” Andy sighs.

Celia and Nancy arrive at the shop for a dishonest day’s work where Nancy announces, via the cryptic, that last night she “saw no one attractive in a place I wasn’t.” She wants the boss man. Oh my god. She’s going to end up marrying into the cartel. Being the BIG boss mama. I can see it now!

Charitably, Nancy offers to get coffee for the machine gun-toting guardsman keeping watch over The Pit of DOOM. Celia is advised to “stay away from the hole.” So much for lesbianas. Damn.

At the beach, Andy and Doug ogle women and contemplate their career options and the possibility of becoming “the Jet Blue” of coyotes. Ay carumba!

Bored with her retail gig, Nancy peeks into the stock room to find Guillermo supervising the loading of a new “shipment.” She asks about the man in the suit. “You didn’t see a man in a suit,” he warns. Ooh. Isabel the baby dyke is at the store. Yay! Whaa?! She is begging to live with Celia, who she still despises, because it’s better than moving to Michigan with her father. Celia bitches like a, well, Celia, but looks halfway caved already.

Later at the house, Celia traipses through the living room, guzzling cheap wine directly from the cube as Doug watches her hopefully. “Hey, you got your tooth fixed. Wanna do it?” Despite his winsome pitch, he gets shot down.

At the estate sale, “Yoga Ass” from the beach turns out to be none other than Rad’s mom. (Rad is the oblivious neighbor kid with the skateboard.) Also oblivious, Nancy fails to notice the two guys sneaking up on her outside the house and she is ABDUCTED (!!!), thrown kicking and screaming into the trunk of a car.

On the beach, Shane gives Doug and Andy the grand total they all made from the estate sale, and Andy finally asks where Nancy is. Shane goes to hide the money just as illegal immigrants start Navy S.E.A.L.-ing it up on the beach with their belongings. The border patrol chases them down and snatches up a beautiful woman. Doug falls in love at first sight with her as they haul her off. “We could bring her back if we were coyotes,” Andy says. Doug: “I’m in.” Oh boy…

Yoga Ass/Rad’s Mom, whose name is Lisa, shows up at the house and hits on Silas. Oh yeah, baby. Do you hear that? That’s the sound of a cougar getting her roar. Celia shows up at the hotel to tell Isabel that she has decided to take pity upon her and play Mommy Dearest once more. Explaining this to her heart-broken father, Isabel says, “I really need a mom right now… and Celia said she’d find me one.” The baby dyke returns, triumphant!

Yeah, that’s great. But what about… Nancy, hair awry on her recently de-bagged head, finds herself in a room with Boss Man, who seems to know everything about her life, down to the tattoo on her left butt cheek. He chides her for going into the tunnel and for asking questions about his identity. “You must be punished,” he says, circling her in a most predatorial fashion. “It will be… painful.” He says he’s going to spank her?! Okay. That’s hot. But dammit! He’s interrupted by two of his goons, the guys who abducted Nancy. My Spanish is iffy, but I’m pretty sure they tell him he has more important things to do than have his fun with his little shopkeeper. But he likes her!

So much that he lets her go, even saying that she can use the tunnel to get back home, just this once. He will even call ahead so that the guardsman doesn’t shoot her. Aww. So chivalrous.

A shell-shocked Nancy is dropped off outside the Mexican chop shop she visited on her first trip south of the border. Presumably, the tunnel starts somewhere inside. But as she waits for someone to open the door, she turns. There behind her, pasted to a garbage can is a smiling, thumbs up picture of Big Boss Man. It’s a damn campaign poster. His name is Estaban Reyes. And he is… wait for it… oh, yes… the flipping MAYOR!

Next week: Nancy weasels her way back into Estaban’s highly secretive presence and gets that spanking. Doug and Andy go about researching their new venture as coyotes… all wrong!

TV Week in Review

The New Golden Girls! Okay a bunch of us were JUST talking about how there was hole in our hearts, and the nice folks at Logo have begun to fill it in the form of Sordid Lives. Set in a small Texas town, it follows the delightfully unseemly adventures of a family ruled by loud, trashy, middle-aged Southern women… plus it is chock full of the gays and stars Olivia Newton John, Bonnie Bedelia and Rue McClanahan who played Blanche on Golden Girls. Do not, I repeat, do not miss this one!

Top Three Reasons Why I Love The Middleman: #3 Wonderfully crafted, snappy dialogue. #2 Liberal use of sci-fi geekdom terminology like “comic book evil” and “frak.” #1 Since the main character's name is Wendy Watson, the show is peppered with references to "Special Agent Watson." Hee. Seriously, I haven’t heard much buzz about this show, but it’s great! Most underrated show of the summer, iff’n ya ask me.

The Couch Potato Brigade Speaks!

From minniesota54:

This Just In! This news was apparently lost in the excitement of hearing that an L Word spin-off is in the works. Showtime has announced that Edie Falco of The Sopranos fame will join the cast of Nurse Jackie (working title), a half-hour dark comedy. This makes me tingle with excitement as I've been a fan of Edie Falco ever since I first watched her in the HBO series OZ. Woo-hoo!

Boob Tube News

A Shot at Love With Dani Campbell? Dani Campbell from A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila season 1 has just signed with LOGO to do a TV show. No word yet on what kind of show, but one hopes we'll get to see all manner of wanton women throwing themselves at her. Any takers?

To Watch for Next Week

Sunday! The season finale of The Next Food Network Star! I never thought I’d say this, but I’m totally rooting for Lisa! (What is it with Lisas abounding this year in TV?)

Monday! Amy Madigan guest stars on Saving Grace. Gillian Anderson on Letterman.

Tuesday! The American Chopper folks on Celebrity Family Feud. Dirty Jobs takes on Shark Week.

Wednesday! Sordid Lives on Logo at 10 p.m.! Lewis Black’s Root of All Evil returns to Comedy Central at 10 p.m.

Thursday! The series finale of Hopkins goes out with a bang via a three-way organ swap. (Gutterbrains!) Kathy Griffin ships out to bolster the troops at the Walter Reed Army Medical Center on My Life on the D-List. Rainn Wilson on Jimmy Kimmel.

Friday! The season finale of Dr. Who.

And finally, don’t forget to send in your blurbs about the best and worst of your TV week for next week’s The Couch Potato Brigade Speaks section!