Two weeks ago I was reading Diana Cage’s blog about Obama’s pandering and, as I moved my little curser thing down, I accidentally moved it to the right corner and as I went all the way to the right — I couldn’t believe my eyes: A pig flying, Hell Freezing Over... John McCain and Joe Lieberman on a Lesbian Website.

Thinking that it was a mistake. I went back up to the top of the page and scrolled down again and then scrolled to the right and there it was. It was like a reoccurring nightmare or a return of an unwanted ex. I got really close to the screen, to make sure it wasn’t some kind of political mirage and that’s when I saw it: “Paid for by John McCain 2008.” I winced and shuddered and exited the site ‘cause hell freezing over can have that effect on you, ya know.

I came back this week to visit the site of the my political nightmare and I scrolled to far to the right again and that is when I had to duck to avoid another flying pig. It was a different flying pig, but a flying pig nonetheless: “One man has experience, One man had courage, One man has our trust.” Confused as to who this man might be, I clicked on the face of a young-looking guy on the ad.

I clicked myself onto a page where I can donate to the campaign of John McCain to become a supporter. Because I wasn’t quite ready to do that, being low on cash and all, I decided to investigate the website to see if I should forego a couple of soy carmel machiato’s this week so that I can donate to his campaign. I considered that maybe some things had changed in his campaign 'cause why else would he buying an ad on a site for lady lovers.

The clicking continued and my deliberate mouse action took me to the page where I can sign up to be a “member of the team.” I’m not too into sports, but would consider joining a team if the right one came along. I clicked again — maybe this was a team that I could play for.

In front of me were a host of different options to tell me all about the campaign. I didn’t see anything overtly gay or even inadvertently gay, so I went to the place that said issues, 'cause I have issues, so it seemed like the right place for me. I was struck by the heading: "Human Dignity and Life." Dignity, reminded me of the lack of dignity that I feel sometimes, with not having all of my rights and all.

My three clicks led me to overturning Roe v. Wade and Protecting Marriage. "Oh no," I thought. Where did I go wrong? I must have clicked too far to the right. Dissatisfied with this website, I went on a quest to make sense of his buying space on this site of dykery.

Employment Non-Discrimination:
John McCain does not support a federal non-discrimination law that would outlaw job discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

Hate Crimes:
John McCain did not support the Local Law Enforcement Act of 2005.

Same-Sex Marriage:
John McCain does not support same-sex marriage.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell:
John McCain does not support gays and lesbians serving in the military. According to Earth Times, in an April 16 letter to Service Members Legal Defense Network (SLDN), McCain says that Don't Ask, Don't Tell "unambiguously maintains that open homosexuality within the military services presents an intolerable risk to morale, cohesion and discipline."

He also stated on Meet the Press in November 2007, "I do believe the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy has been very effective. We've got the best military we've ever had... I think it's logical to leave this issue alone."

Upset as I was by this whole thing, I mounted my soap box and called Grace Moon for an explanation of the madness.

“Ms. Moon, I can’t believe I’m writing for a place that... blah, blah, blah... John McCain and furthermore, blah, blah, blah... John McCain, and pigs fly, and hell freezing, and how do I explain this to my daughter?!"

Grace: "You don’t have a daughter, Bigelow.”

“Yeah, but one day I might and what do I tell her then?”

Grace, clearing her voice, “Google. Tell her Google.”

“Gurgle? I don’t believe in baby talk, Grace. I want my kids to grow up with the facts.”

Grace: “Not Gurgle, Bigelow. Google! John McCain did NOT take out an ad on our site. Many of our ads are fed by Google's Adsense network. Any and every advertiser that ever lived has set up an account through Google adsense. So, whenever one of our bloggers writes about anything, Google Adsense automatically scans the text for keywords and then feeds an ad with that keyword (ie. John McCain, Barack Obama, sex) into the website. This is the nature of Internet advertising. It is built on searchable keywords. We can't control those particular ads that appear.”

Jeez, Grace. My soap box is now the size of a matchbox. I thought that I was cutting-edge, breaking up the man, doin’ serious work here. I think it’s logical for me to leave this issue alone... But, I do I say this as a cautionary tale: Avoid flying pigs; hell freezing over is not a good thing. And I’m drinking my lattes this week.