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thehookup@ourchart.comHow much is too much?
August 2, 2008 - 7:11pm — AnonymousMy girlfriend and I have been dating collectively for a year now, we had about at 5 month break up and realized that it was regretted on both ends and got back together. This woman is my life, the person I would do anything for, and the one I want to spend my life with.
We're not any perfect couple and that's why I am here. So desperately asking for help because I am at the last of my strength. My girlfriend has always had anxiety issues that she has a hard time dealing with, but most of the time she gets through. We haven't been at the same school for the last year and this year will be the same, except she tells me that she doesn't think she will be able to have a relationship this year. There is being "too much stuff being thrown at me" in her words. She asked me to take things slower and have it more on her terms so she can deal with things. As much as it sucks and hurts like hell I agreed on one condition: that she has to try her hardest to get over anxieties so she can be happy, and then so can I.
I worry about her all day long, she never leaves my mind. I barely get to see her now because of all the stuff she is going through and it hurts. But what's breaking my heart is that I don't think she is trying, at all. When she says she loves me, i'm not convinced. I 'm trying so hard to hold on because she is my everything, but the emotional pain i feel is so much.
I don't know how much longer i can keep doing this, even if it is for her.
How much is too much?
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4 Posts
Well
I have no idea what you should do. Personally i think that kinda sucks :(. One thing i do wanna tell you though, is that you should possibly be feeling unconvinced. I really hate to tell people this but she could be using her anxiety as an excuse. OK that sounds terrible, lemme explain. I also suffer from anxiety and a few social problems. When i was a lil younger, ok well only a few years back if im honest, i used to do the same. When people know u have anxiety its an easy way to get out of painful situations, or to not hurt someone. If i got bored of people, or if say my friends were pissing me off id just say nah im ok im just having a moment. I havent done that for a long time, i learned it fixes things only for a while before they explode in your face.
If she is doing that, dont let it explode ok? I see a lot of good advice on here and im sorry that mine wasnt so inspiring, but i just offer my experience.
Also, Marki is very right. Finding urself as a person with anxiety is very very hard. If thats what shes going through right now then be by her side, dont slip PLEASE. With anxiety you never really find urself, but we go through phases of needing to know. We feel lost an aweful lot, but no matter how much we push away, how much she pushes u away, the only ONE person who can fix her problem is you. I think we push because were sick of people not understanding us. Wed rather push than pull ppl close and have them break us. So get close, get personal, and break her open, BUT only if ur gonna stay there to fix her, dont ever leave her wide open and broken. Once u started this, u have to stay until she feels safe and happy. Could be a long trip.
Either way, i really hope it turns out well.
My two cents...
I've kind of been on the other side of this situation, I've been dealing with an anxiety disorder and panic attacks for a couple of years now, and it cost me a lot in my two previous relationships. It started in the middle of a three year relationship, and I pulled away a great deal, I did love her, and I was trying to be myself again but it was impossible. For me, knowing that it bothered her so much made it a lot worse, because not only was I anxious, I was then anxious about my anxiety affecting her, it was a vicious circle.
The important thing to understand is that I felt like I wasn't in control of anything, not even myself, and perhaps asking you to slow things down is simply her attempt at gaining control of -something-.
Please don't think that she is not trying, it is a very lengthy process that is not easy to go through, it is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. Keep in mind that you may think you're losing her, but she thinks she's losing herself, and that is far scarier.
I'm not sure if this is any help at all, I may be way off but this is the best advice I can give knowing what I know, just try to hang in there and don't hold it against her, because she is probably doing enough of that to herself.
I feel you. Im in a pretty
I feel you. Im in a pretty similar situation. Holding on to someone i love with my very soul. She asked me for time, so she can work things on "her own", focus on herself.
I agreed. I sometimes wonder about the same. When am i going to stop holding on to? Am i the only one trying? Do i need to start letting go?
Personally, i dont think its a matter of capacity; i believe its a matter of time.
Time will keep on going, and in the end, either youll fall apart and move on with you heart broken or she will come to you and your relationship will be stronger.
The funny thing is no matter how much you can be hurt, how much the pain you are being inflicted, you wont stop loving her. Its important for you to keep yourself busy, cause if your mind stays put on her, then theres no way for you to pass this phase in good health.
So i hope you can get through this and that in the end she goes back to your arms, and still find them open.
Best of luck, take care
Too much is too much.
You have to confront the issue. If you don't than you will be harvesting the feeling of neglect and doubt until it is impossible to forgive her for hurting you. At least in my personal experience.