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thehookup@ourchart.comshe has a girlfriend :(
September 13, 2008 - 6:23pm — ima.geekSo I met this girl years ago, and developed a big crush on her the first instant I saw her. I was married at the time, and "straight" (or so everyone thought), so I didn't give it TOO much thought. But still, everytime I saw her (which, admittedly, wasn't that often), I swooned... *sigh*.
When I finally decided to come out, I thought a lot about her. I hadn't seen her in a while, but I was hoping that maybe she was single, and maybe we could hang out... I mentioned to a mutual friend (who used to date her) that I had a little thing for her, and a little while later she jokingly said that "she should break up with her girlfriend and date you."
And there's my problem... the girlfriend. I would never EVER think about coming between a couple. (not that i even think i COULD come between them). I've always had a lot of issues with people cheating, and I would never want to hurt someone else for my own gain. So of course there's really nothing I can do. The problem I guess is that I'm just really hung up on this unavailable girl. It's really difficult to deal with. And I know I should just forget about it, but that's easier said than done. So I find myself sitting around wondering how serious they are, wondering if they'll ever break up... then I feel horrible for even thinking that. I mean, I don't want her to get hurt, and that's what would happen if they broke up. I can honestly say that I've never been so infatuated with someone who was already taken. It's really a depressing situation! I don't even really talk to her much, because that just makes it harder.
I don't guess I'm really asking for advice... there's nothing I can do really but forget about it (which i can't seem to do! i've tried). I just wanted to vent, i suppose... have any of you been in this sort of situation?
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15 Posts
Lol, it is ironic that
Lol, it is ironic that you're saying that you don't want to hurt her and that you know that a break-up between her current girlfriend will result in her unhappiness... yet you are or were debating breaking up their relationship, or hoping for it anyways.
I have been in that sort of situation, I think being friends is better than anything so far.. so if they do in fact break up, you will be that person she comes to for support... and who knows what may come of it. But if she does not break up, at least she will not be out of your life.
Yup. Drunken hookup with
Yup. Drunken hookup with both of us aware of the fact that she had a boyfriend. Found a girlfriend, all but forgetting the first girl.
something to consider
the "what if..." mentality is a dangerous one. i find that times when i'm living with the various "what if" situations in the back of my head, i'm not TRULY living. as amazing as this girl may be, your crush on her is stifling you. you can't live your life thinking about what might happen if she breaks up with her girlfriend, or if you happen to be seeing someone... being hung up on somebody who's unavailable- for whatever reasons- can really fuck with your head.
and i agree with you about not breaking up/coming between a couple; that kind of relationship karma will eventually come back to nip you in the ass. and if you care about her, you don't want to start a relationship that stems from a bad breakup, or even worse, with you ending up a rebound.
so stay friends with her, if you can. otherwise, try focusing on the here and now of your life, because that's what counts :)
Well,i think it depends on
Well,i think it depends on how you define CHEATING. In my opinion,cheating is when you have these acts more than jus friend with some1 else other than your girlfriend. But if she breaks up with her gf then be with you,its not cheating at all,its just that she finds a better match. Ppl have the right to choose and it just means that you guys are meant to be together. Go for it and Gud Luck !!!
as much as i would LOVE to
as much as i would LOVE to be with her (and believe me, i would love it soooo much), I'd never forgive myself if i tried to break them up. I mean, if they do break up, I certainly hope to be there for her :) But I don't want to be the cause of it. She doesn't have a clue that I like her (at least i don't think she does), and I hope to keep it that way until she's available. for all i know, they could be totally in love and won't break up for years (or ever). At some point I'm going to have to move on and forget about her, because this is just too hard, and I have no idea how long it might go on. I should also add that she and I aren't close by any means. We are more like acquaintances, so it's not like I know her well enough to know that she's perfect for me or anything. I just know that I'm so completely attracted to her that it drives me crazy, and from what i do know about her, she's a really cool girl. Although we've known each other for four years or so, and we have lots of mutual friends (one in particular who is really close with both of us), we live far apart so I don't see her often enough to really know her well. man, her girlfriend is so lucky...
ahhh, at least sumone know
ahhh, at least sumone know what this is like!!!!... well lemme tell u im going thru nearly the exact situation at the moment, and its been this way for so long that im going crazy!!!....
u typed sum key words like "infatuated", "theres nothing i can do, really" and "ive tried but i cant"....gosh i swear the ripped me in the inside!!!! thats exactly how i feel, and im desperate!!!! i need to get rid of this crush, lol.
The shrink said i should think in mathematics.... where + and - always turn out to be - .... and i agree, this is easier said than done.... but arghhh if not us, who else will stop us?????
ive been hurt by infidelities as well, and its not like im planning to play the role of the evil ppl who've made me feel like crap.
arghhh, hard thing u girl... i wish both of us luck on this! lol
*peace!!!
oh, i just wanna add
oh, i just wanna add sumthing else... its a phrase that sorta gave me an answer.... lemme share it with u:
"sometimes we should try to shed the damage we dont need...."
ok. im done here! lol =)
Good phrase
Thats a good phrase and I will remember it. That actually very oddly fits my life right now.
thanks
anytime!! =) im a phrase
anytime!! =)
im a phrase lover.... books and songs, oh and movies as well... they always have answers!!! lol... well talking with the right ppl is part of the basics as well! hahaha...
that really is a great
that really is a great phrase! i'm sorry to hear that you're going through this too... i know how hard it is. it's like torture. i feel like i just like to make myself miserable. maybe there are other girls out there, but i'm so hung up on this one that I can't seem to move past it. i keep thinking, 'what if i date someone else, and then they break up and I'm the one who's not available?'
but i think what i need to keep in mind is that if it's meant to be, it'll happen someday. And if not, it won't. (it's easy to say that, but not so easy to let go, unfortunately)
And...
..as far as meeting/dating someone else, you might be surprised at how well that works. It won't make you forget her but it will help to get your mind off her. Just don't put your life on hold waiting for her because some really good opportunities might pass you up. I guess that all comes back to "if it's meant to happen, it will happen"
my situation
Yeah it's tough but my situation is really similar to yours but also alot different for a lot of reasons....I would love to tell you about it but it really is too long and detailed to write here.
But you're right, if it's meant to be then it will happen and i'm a strong believer in that logic. It doesn't make any of this easier but it's kinda comforting to think that if things aren't happening how you want them to now then maybe it's all a part of some bigger, better thing for you.
wow...maybe i'm getting to philosophical..lol
Well, no, I don't have such
Well, no, I don't have such moral restrictions... Relationships are as fragile as a thin layer of ice beneath a skater's blade... So meant to break...
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And if my present deeds are foolish in thy sight, it may be that a foolish judge arraigns my folly.
Yes
I have been in your situation...I feel like I kinda still am but its way too long to write about here. I can absolutely relate to this though.
I don't think I've been in
I don't think I've been in your shoes. I've had some romances and when we end things and they get someone else, I do wonder how much are they going to last. But since all that really matters in a relationship is affection and communication, then I'm alright without the "physical" upgraded status of being a girlfriend.
If you can just talk to her and be a friend to her, then you'll be part of her life anyway.
But yeah, this thing is going to eat at you. "/