When I was young and dumb and broke, I once tried to self-Brazilian my ladyflower with an at-home waxing kit. Due to my shaky hands and lack of an aesthetician’s license, the results were predictably disastrous. It took a full hour. There was pain. There were tears. There was uncontrollable sweating; there was cursing, praying and bargaining with Ceiling Cat. There was blue wax all over my bathroom and in every possible crevice of my body.

Okay, I lied. I wasn’t young — it was about two years ago. But I remember it better than what I had for breakfast this morning. And I have to say, the Bliss Poetic Wax kit really did the job. It left my junk as fresh and bare as a brand new day. The $45 kit includes a super-effective, soothing, post-waxing oil and a nice-smelling mild cleanser, both of which I have since used many times. Four weeks after The Incident, I scraped together the cash for a salon job, where #1 Fave Aesthetician graciously refrained from laughing her head off at my tale of woe during the brief 10 minutes it took her to epilate me.

Because of this, I have extreme respect for the Guinea Pigs I asked to test at-home waxing kits for the next few blogs. I am hoping they still want to be my friends. Please extend to them a hearty yasher koach.

Here are the findings of brave, brave soul #1.

Name: Furless Fifi

Product reviewed: Parissa Mini Wax Strips - Eyebrow Design

Other products used with it: I must use lotion on my skin regularly and after hair removal, or major excema nightmare occurs. I use Cetaphil (basic).

Body hair situation: Eyebrows are spare and thin, dark hair on light skin. Other places I have primarily shaved rather than waxed — like underarms and legs — boast some pretty coarse groves these days.

First impression: A fairly clean design, pretty but natural-looking woman on front. Basically I was suckered into thinking because it was French it was a superior product because I’m quite impressionable!

Objects in mirror may be larger than they appear.

Rating:
--Packaging - B
--Texture - F. Too sticky.
--Scent – A. Unscented.
--Ease of use – B. Directions are simple.
--Effectiveness – FFF. Didn’t do shit. Seriously, with multiple strips I still got about three hairs out — and I tried it on eyebrows as well as underarms and bikini line just to be sure.
--Overall je ne sais quoi - F

Would you recommend this product to anyone? If so, to whom?
Hell no. It’s a waste of money and a pointless product.

What should potential users of this product know? Waxing hurts, but is worth it for results. This product gives you pain, but only about three hairs come out per strip, and even with multiple strips, no improvement. Go to a professional!

One of my favorite expressions is Il faut souffrir pour etre belle: It is necessary to suffer to be beautiful. It’s up to you to figure out your own limits and safe words, though.

Until next week, cupcakes!

Stay beautiful,

--Chaia