Dear Gentle Reader:
In an age overrun with communication — burdened with childish emoticons and no-touch technologies though it is — I often find myself suffering from pen envy. Despite the monogrammed fountain pens on prominent display in my office and a brand new long distance relationship calling out for passionate expressions of yearning, I rarely have time to sit down and pound out an old-fashioned letter.
Readers, I’ve pounded out this old-fashioned letter because, together, we must find our inner lesbian pen pals! Fortunately for us, our mutual lesbian heritage offers a rich epistolary tradition that closes the gap between our busied, Bluetooth selves and the leisurely, long-winded lesbians of letters within.
Come into my Victorian-era boudoir and to you I’ll whisper the secrets of passionate friendship and long-distance desire…
Victorian society was gender-segregated, with men and women living primarily in homosocial spaces.* Indeed, it seems strange to imagine this as a bad thing, but prior to the modern age, men and women did not interact outside of domestic arrangements. In such a polarized climate, it was not unusual for two women, or two men, to write impassioned letters proclaiming the intense emotional feelings and testifying to a same-sex bond later described by historians as “romantic friendship.”
Much of what is known about romantic friendships of the 19th century is derived from the perspective of the middle-class white world from which most history is written. However, scholar Karen V. Hansen has brought to light the experience of female friendship in an African-American context through her publication of letters written over the course of 14 years (1854-1868) between two free-born women named Addie Brown and Rebecca Primus. Despite differences of class (Brown was a domestic servant/seamstress, Primus an educator.) and the fact that they lived in different towns and rarely saw one another, Brown and Primus maintained a long distance romantic friendship buttressed by ardent written correspondence. While their letters do not reveal the exact nature of their relationship, they explicitly refer to a shared erotic, physical bond.
With Hansen’s book as our own Cyrano de Bergerac, we may unabashedly begin to bootleg Brown and Primus’s melodramatic language as the voice of our own inner lesbian pen pals. We simply must employ an extravagant verbosity for our sentimental declarations that will, in turn, remind us that love has not always been reduced to a 160-character text message. That’s right: your self-involved long distance relationship (or fantasy thereof) is now to be rendered in language usually reserved for Jane Austen’s lovelorn heroines and on the finest quality vellum available at your local office supply store.
Let’s get real. When’s the last time that you, gazing across the soft, rolling hills of your friend’s bosom New England, greeted a friend, lover or one-night stand with: “Methink my Dearest Sister, I am near the[e], breathing the same air with your arm gently drawn around me, my head reclining on your noble breast in perfect confidence and love?”**
I thought so.
Your inner lesbian pen pal is admonishing you in a barely legible scripted font that it’s nigh time to get Victorian about your love affairs. Remember that the miles and years that separated Addie Brown and Rebecca Primus didn’t stop them! Pull up your petticoat (It’s about to go out of fashion anyway.) and put down your iPhone (It’s about to go out of fashion anyway.) — the next three to four hours are for the indulgent practice of romantic letter-writing!
In the throes of poetic expression and long distance anguish,
I remain, as always,
Your trusted friend,
Professor Crandall
* What’s the big deal?
** Addie to Rebecca, 30 March 1862. Emphasis in the original, brackets by yours truly. See Hansen.
For Further Reading:
Faderman, Lillian. Surpassing the Love of Men: Romantic Friendship and Love Between Women from the Renaissance to the Present. New York: Quill William Morrow, 1981.
Hansen, Karen V.
Beloved Sisters and Loving Friends: Letters from Rebecca Primus of Royal Oak, Maryland, and Addie Brown of Hartford, Connecticut, 1854-1868. New York: Knopf, 1999.
-----. “No Kisses Is Like Yours’: An Erotic Friendship Between Two African-American Women during the Mid-Nineteenth Century" in Martha Vicinus,
Lesbian Subjects: A Feminist Studies Reader. Bloomington and Indianapolis: Indiana University Press, 1996.
Smith-Rosenberg, Carroll. “The Female World of Love and Ritual: Relations between Women in Nineteenth-Century America,” in
The Signs Reader: Women, Gender, and Scholarship, ed. Elizabeth Abel and Emily K. Abel. Chicago and London: University of Chicago Press, 1983.
40 Comments
awesome!
this is awesome!!! I love it!
I'm all for a Love Letter....however....
I have done some of my finest work Texting....;)
BUBBA LOVE
LAKE
I have recently rediscovered
the sacred legacy of lesbian discourse through written communication.
Such discourse need not be confined to pen and paper as long as one's thoughts, feelings, love, and vulnerability are contemplatively and thoughtfully written. It is the content of the written communication that is critical, not the medium through which it is communicated. Thus, a message from a loved one, lover or friend even on this site honors our sacred legacy in the same meaningful way as the use of pen and paper did in another time.
"親愛的無論您是誰,
I love you and I will always think you are beautiful and I do believe you are an old soul and I do believe that we can have a sacred relationship even if we can't see or touch each other. I would love to hold hands with you and look into your eyes and see your soul and hear your laughter and hold you when you are sad but the fact that we can't do those things just means that we can write what's in our hearts. that our thoughts can meet in a way they can't meet otherwise. that our spirits can meet somewhere beyond the words of this page, beyond the hand i can't hold, beyond the beautiful eyes i can't see, beyond the love that i can't show you through my eyes and my touch. We can have something more than that....
感謝你的愛和友誼
Bronnie"
Though I could not find the words to be more specific
I meant to be. "Who" is of whom I speak. If that is her name. And it doesn't matter whether I've ever gazed upon her face, she is beautiful even when she says she's not. She asks if she can be that person...she will always be.
I'll consider this carefully
Your friend,
Rusty
Check out my Obama / Biden 2008 Blog.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“People deserve the government they get, and they deserve to get it good and hard.” ~ H.L. Mencken
Don't worry my friend...
you are not "who" or whomever. Nobody is except her and she knows who she is.
where i can i get my free
where i can i get my free lesbian pen pal? i've got this coupon you see..
i'm alllll about letters.
especially love letters. i recently moved to fiji as a peace corps volunteer and i began writing as soon as i stepped off the plane. i had very little access to computers during our three month training so writing was my only option. ive written about 50 letters in four months and i love it though i've recently fallen off. mostly because it began to be too emotional. especially since people rarely wrote back. added to my loneliness.
however, the 15 or so love letters i wrote are among the best pieces of art i've ever created. the lovely woman only wrote me once, but knowing that my words made her smile and feel closer to me was more than enough to make up for the carpal tunnel.
keondra.
A modern day love letter.....
Dearest Miss Someone:
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Tuesday, the 02nd of January 2008. With reference to the meeting held between us on the 31st of December 2007 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on-the-relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us . Later, based on your attitude, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account. I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer .
Thanking you in anticipation.
Yours sincerely
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Nothing we achieve in this world is achieved alone. It is always achieved with others teaching us along the way."
OMG
Bwaaaahaaaaaaahaaaaaaaa, right on! :) Jodie
love as work
omg a business love letter! way to experiment with genre. i bet you could write an impressive letter of recommendation as well!
My dearest friend...
I awakened to a quarter moon sitting in the still dark skies of predawn with you in my thoughts.
Wondering if you too, were gazing upon this sliver of light and thinking of me as well. Wishing to
feel your breath caress my neck as we embrace to greet a new day. To look into the blue of your eyes,
knowing as the sun rises, the sky will borrow their beauty.
Yeah, I am not very good at this.
Peace and love!
A+
As we might say in the south, you have all the fixin's here: dramatic attention to time of day ("predawn"-expert choice), longing gazes (toward nature, no less!), and eye metaphor. Way to do your homework!!
me neither
I never really had the chance to write to a lover - well wait, I did write to my ex. In fact, upon reading it, she ended it.
In the sleepless dog filled bed night, I got out my pen and paper and wrote till my heart bled and the tears stopped. The feeling of pull away, as she had done so too many times before, through her break-ups of uncertainty, had me reeling of wanting to prevent the unevitable. While my heart was warm, I poured it through a strainer, and served it with a hint of sweet lemon, to drink in with the morning cigarette.
I think I'm better at drawing my love...
or write to someone who gives a fuck...
maybe both :)
rovermom :)
Life is a 3D puzzle and everyone has a piece!
NEW! OurChart Photo Assignment and My Blog
Pussy Pen Pals
I wrote a heartfelt and passionate letter to the most beautiful lesbian there ever was in the history of ever.
Ever.
But, alas, she didn't write me back.
I figured this could have meant one of two things.
-She wasn't interested.
-She didn't have any hands.
I decided it would be better for my self-esteem to believe the latter. I mean who wants a lesbian with no hands?
Exactly.
I got over her quicker than you can say eightfingersandtwothumbsrule.
And that's fast.
Loveshtoned's Blog...For The Ladies!
Hand some
Lovey, Imma give you a hand for your eightfinger-twothumb rule.
Support Carolyn's 3-Day Breast Cancer Walk
That will come in handy!
I bet you will Mins...I bet you will!
Haha!
Loveshtoned's Blog...For The Ladies!
profile pic means mystery solved?
can i dream that the recipient of your letter was the Queen herself? How romantic!!
Queen Of M Heart
You may dream, yet so may she.
Loveshtoned's Blog...For The Ladies!
Old song
This reminds me of that old song:
I'm gonna sit right down and write myself a letter
And make believe it came from you.
I'm gonna write words oh so sweet
They're gonna knock me off my feet
A lotta kisses on the bottom
I'll be glad I got 'em.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qoeT9gmwl7Q
Support Carolyn's 3-Day Breast Cancer Walk
oooo
good one! i also love johnny cash's "tear stained letter" but i'm not sure if that was a cover or not. i always wanted to teach a class on love letters and do a section with love letter songs so i'll have to remember this one. thanks!
Letter writing is not dead!
My Dear Professor Crandall
I wish to inform you that the art of letter writing is not dead despite the ever increasing invasion of technology. I have been writing letters to friends and family for many years and I love nothing more than pouring out my thoughts, feelings and general news to whosoever wishes to read them.
I think writing letters whether by hand or e-mail, offers us the unique opportunity to talk about and say things in a way that may not always be possible by phone or in person. You can pour out heartfelt feelings so much more eloquently by writing than you may be able to do verbally. I don't think it matters what method you choose to use or what language either as long as you are communicating in a way that enables both writer and the reader to gain pleasure. Sometimes it is the implied that affects the reader far more than the obvious. A little titillation can be extremely thrilling especially if the wordplay includes hidden meaning or suggestion or something more. If it is printed or printable all the better.
I began writing thank you letters as a child, moved on to writing weekly letters when I was at school and I have continued doing so ever since. In fact, I maintain a friendship with a Canadian friend I have known for 15 years pretty much by letter and more recently by e-mail. I have only met her three times in our friendship. We wanted to continue in the tradition of the likes of Elizabeth Gaskell and The Bronte sisters and although our language and letter content is not the same, it suits us well enough.
As to letter writing for Lesbian pen pals, well you can conjure up such great images on paper or via e-mail/internet sites that you may not be able to verbally for fear of being overheard or misconstrued. I am not a lesbian but I have made a great many friends writing on lesbian websites. So much so that I get complaints when I stop my scribbles (maybe I should admit to typing instead).
Reading the comments already made to this post, I presume I am taking this article a little too seriously but I feel that writing is something that should be encouraged as a means of personal expression far more than it seems to be in this world of visual saturation and media overload.
I trust in the power of the pen (and keyboard), I thrill at the thought of mail, and I relish communication in any format. From one who lives in a literary county where the likes of Thomas Hardy waxed lyrical, where Mary Shelley created monsters, and Enid Blyton conjured up Noddy/Big Ears and her famous five went everywhere on jolly japes, I hope my missive encourages further writing.
Best wishes and a long and prosperous life to you all.
A rolling stone gathers no moss, but you don't 'arf get dizzy!
I love how you wrote this.
I love how you wrote this.
I have written many a love letter to women confessing my feelings and in essence..wooing them. It's funny how natural it is for me and how it wasn't until recently that I realized their true energy. I thoroughly enjoyed the process and later met a woman with whom I was able to receive poetic love messages in similar fashion.
I LOVE to write and thanks for the reminder.....
...it's been a while since I've written my passions.
For someone other than myself that is. *laughs*
thanks a lot! and get back
thanks a lot! and get back to the pen!
Deep thougths, deep
Deep thougths, deep feelings, what can I say? just I like the way you can touch your love with letters, poems, whisperings, silence Whatever you heart is available to feel up.
BeaVolk
Dear Professor Crandall,
What beautiful letter you have quilled. Although it has always been my inner desire to be fully sensually Victorian in my letter-writing, indeed, no soul, far or near, shares that passion to indulge or be indulgent.
Methink those rolling hills shall heave its impassioned sigh of sisterly love as near as only in my dream.
Yours truly,
CM
I wrote a diary underneath the tree
I was so in love with my best friend in junior high school plus I fancied myself a writer. So I filled up notebooks brimming with how much she meant to me, what she had brought to my life, yada yada yada. All seen through my 14-year old eyes. When the notebook was full, I'd give it to her and start another. Years later, her husband found them and asked "is your friend gay? she sounds like she was in love with you." Nah! Ya think? I wonder what historians in the future will think of my angst-filled diaries?
Don't send flowers! Send your girl sex in a basket!
ComeTogetherGiftBaskets
but, the post office is often too far away!
charles dickens says it well, she'll vish there was more, and that's the art o' letter-writin'
i recommend:
Dear Sappho: A Legacy of Lesbian Love Letters by Kay Turner
also, i love getting and sending mail. if any ourcharters are interested in pen-paling and finding cool, cheap japanese gifts in a nearby mailbox, well let me know!
Love letter
It's one of my fav part in a love relation, unfortunatly, it's not very fashion this time, you can't send one of those without make your love subject think you totaly nuts.
in a nut shell
the worst is no reaction.
if pulling one's confession of love, from one's heart doesn't make one nuts, the no reaction will.
love is insane
rovermom :)
Life is a 3D puzzle and everyone has a piece!
NEW! OurChart Photo Assignment and My Blog
what's wrong with "totaly nuts"?
yonks, embrace your inner madmanlywoman
Tu peux parler avec ta bouillabaise
Beside, we are actually so deep in to an "annus horribilis"(with one "n") That i allow you to make fun of me without représailles, i don't want you too depress.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wkzH3Upp9c&feature=related
t'as vu ça?
et encore ce n'est que bouillabaisse actuellement
and Mrs Ireland pointed out I'd misspelled TROLLOP, which is sacrilij
i'm so glad
you are magnanimous enough to forgive my "orgueille blessé"
now i know you're dyslexic
i have to forgive you everything
blackwell
totally nuts doesn't work for all of us... its reserved for only the most special among us.
wordless
in your MoonGlow
Dear Inner Lesbian Pen Pal
I cannot wait until you draw your New England Hills around my homosocial spaces.
fondest, dearly, sweetly
yours
magic
oh, right. that seems to have been a typo, but you made magic from senseless wordplay! thanks, editor!
THAT made me LOL.
THAT made me LOL.