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A Tit Doused in Ink
April 11, 2008 - 2:23pm — Katie LiedermanAh, the joys of Dinah Shore Weekend! Good ol' fashioned fun in the sun, if you will. It's about time I regaled you with a tale or two of the un-glamourous debauchery that took place at this finely publicized event. You know you're in a special place when you find yourself being straddled by an old leathery femme in a silver lame' bikini and it's totally fine. She's trying to ram her weathered tongue down your throat, you're clutching a martini in one hand as you try to beat her off of you with the other and your limbs are flailing as you twist your face away from hers. Your co-workers from GO magazine are taking pictures so that they can blackmail you later. On paper it sounds like a fucking nightmare, but in one context, it's a-okay. This context is known as Dinah Shore, the cheesy yet delectable event that has hordes of dykes trucking out to Palm Springs each year, khaki visors and freshly purchased tankinis in tow.
When we arrived at the hotel, our furry-cheeked bellhop escorted us to our rooms. He was grumpy and stout, and saw it fit to inform us where we were to sleep. "You can sleep here," he said to me, gesturing to the lumpy pull-out couch in the living room. "And you," he said, jerking his head towards my succulent cousin, "can sleep in there." He pointed authoritatively towards the bedoom. As if I wasn't gonna sleep in the same bed as my cousin. Thanks for breakin' it down for us, buddy!
Soon after dropping off our bags, we moseyed over to the pool at the Doral, one of the official host hotels of event. This is where I was attacked by the geriatric femme. This is also where I imbibed enough vodka to fill a Subaru Outback, and thus felt comfortable galavanting topless around the peanut-shaped pool with a chlorinated weave sticking straight up off my head like hay-colored porcupine quills. Why did I do this? Because it was Dinah Shore! And that's the kind of thing you're supposed to do there, right? To prove just how zany, wild and fun-loving you are! My logic may have been lacking in, well, logic, but at the time, doing the Macarena (in spite of the fact that the DJ wasn't playing the song) seemed like the obvious course of action. My medium-sized tits were in plain view of everyone. And people were looking at them as if they were weird.
Okay, we all have our insecurities. I'm not that into my butt, and my hands are the size of personal pan pizzas. But my tits are nice, goddamnit. Even my mom says so. I figured that the ladies of Dinah Shore were wincing at the sight of my suit-free rack because they were envious, but no. A pen had exploded in my bag earlier in the day, and the ink stain had settled into my bikini top. The top that I had been wearing earlier in the day in the pool. The top that was now off. I finally looked down. "OH MY GOD!" I screamed. My boss started laughing. "You knew it was like this the whole time?!" I asked her. "Yup," she answered.
My right tit was bathed in jet-black pen ink, making me look like someone with either a rare skin disease or a grossly fucked-up avant garde tattoo artist. My tit looked like it was in blackface. I put on a t-shirt and skulked back to my room. "Whatever," I thought. "Tomorrow is a new day." And it was (tune in Tuesday for more on Dinah).
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40 Comments
must admit i not red this post ?
lol i got stucked looking at that darn martini glass
yummyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
winks and cheers
topless....
wow...........what a good atmosphere there......!! LOL!!!
i thought u gonna post pict about it K....:):):)
SHOLLY FOR LIFE..
"Tell me, How could i leave beautiful creature like u..?"
Welcome to the Time Machine
Guess what, dear. You, too, will some day be the "leathery" nightmare you described. Tongues may weather and Tits may fall. The real question is, what kind of Sister are you after the "cute" wears out. And what kind of crazy-wild-ass-wicked-lover are you when you've been through it all, learned, taught, and survived to laugh about it? At 57, my Lesbian Identity is about more than who I fuck, or how. It's more than just "a pretty face." (In fact, that seems pretty much a guy-thing, don't ya think?)
Got endurance? Know what it's like to have marched and lobbied for the priviledges you apparently take for granted? Not even 30 years ago, The Dinah would have had to be an underground affair. (But that's probably beyond your barometer right now.)
Youth is great - enjoy it. Because one thing is for certain. It will wear out. When you have passed a certain threshhold, how will you feel about yourself then, if that is the reflection you have for your older Sisters now?
MsQueer
also
she was femme. maybe that was a bit of an inside joke, but i don't do femmes. diana cage and i accidentally french-kissed a couple weeks ago, but generally speaking, i don't.
How do you "accidentally"
How do you "accidentally" french kiss someone? ;-)
yeah wouldn't you like to know?
i sure as hell would
lol
Katie I laughed at the femme
Katie I laughed at the femme part,because if any one has read your blogs on this site they would know you only do butch(lol)That info in itself eliminated Ms.Thang.
hi msqueer
I am not an ageist, nor do see how you interpreted my antics at Dinah Shore to mean a.) that my lesbian identity is solely about who i fuck, b.)that i take priviledges for granted (am i not allowed to have non-clandestine fun with my queer "sisters?" isn't that one of the reasons as to why women of your generation marched and lobbied in the first place?) c.) that i should be ashamed of the fact that getting dry-humped by a woman more than twice my age (far older than my mother) didn't turn me on that much?
I've gotten responses about this post, responses that make me question how accepting i'm obligated to be just cause i'm gay. if a man in his mid-to-late sixties was doing the same thing, people would be like, "Not okay!" but if it's a fellow dyke, i'm supposed to think it's hot? Msqueer, you say you're 57. Would you like to have sexual relations with a woman who is 114? probably not.
d.) i fight for gay rights day in and day out, in a variety of ways. every single day. in the future, please don't make assumptions based on zero factual information.
e.) i've had amazing sex with a 47-yr. old lesbo, so it's not like i have an aversion to all women past their 20s.
I'm New to OC...
... and will admit to being (gasp) over thirty-five. (My exact age, for the purpose of this post is immaterial.) Do you know how I found out about this Dinah Shore blog of yours? It may surprise you to know that it was a subject of some discussion over at the apparently rather new 'Forty Up' forum (that a new 'friend' here told me about), and not in glowing happy terms, trust me.
So I had to check out this particular blog of yours for myself. I've read a few of your more recent blogs, so I "get" the tone of your writing - funny, mocking, "I'm a wacky party girl with a brain, that silly shit happens to...", yeah, yeah, I get it.
But to say you are NOT ageist when you turn the phrases "when you find yourself being straddled by an old leathery femme in a silver lame' bikini" and "She's trying to ram her weathered tongue down your throat", then, newbie as I am, I gotta say something.
You have every right not to be turned on by this older woman and not want to make out with her - I don't dispute that one bit. You do NOT have the right however, to describe her as some kind of monster simply BECAUSE she's an older woman. (I thought I was reading a description of one of the witches in 'Macbeth' for cryin' out loud!) Imagine how rightfully horrified your readers would have been if you had characterized a person of color in this fashion to whom you also happened not to be attracted? Well, you just wouldn't have done it, that's all, and you know it. But apparently you think it's okay to have at it about one of your older sisters. It's ageism pure and simple and it's as repugnant as racism, sexism, or homophobia.
I make no assumptions about your politics or your appreciation or lack of thereof for the political strides made by your older sisters. But your description of this older woman makes me question your respect for older woman in general, lesbian or not. Did it never occur to you that you might be offending your sisters on this site and older sisters everywhere by your descriptions? Your only defense was that you had "amazing sex with a 47-year old lesbo". Yeah, that certainly shows us you're not ageist and how!
One last thought. Did you know that the beautiful, classy Jennifer Beals will turn forty-five in December? Yup. Forty-five. (That fact should stun some of the younger women on this site that think that forty-five is practically ancient.) And she has all the gay/bi (and I suspect even some of the straight) women of the L Word audience, even twenty-somethings, drooling over her. It's because her appeal is ageless. Imagine if IC hadn't cast her six years ago because JB was thought to be too old to be the centerpiece of a frankly sexual series about lesbians in LA (LA! the ageist capital of the world!). What a shame that would have been.
Women of all ages are beautiful. Do I have to have sex with all of them, even the ones I'm not attracted to? Hell no! Do I get to insult one of my sisters because of her age? Well, I think you know my answer to that...
geez louise
a few things (and i say them not defensively, but for clarity's sake):
1. "leathery" in my mind denotes a certain cheesiness, a women who looks as though she's spent a better part of her life in a tanning booth or roasting herself, excessively, in the sun. this is not attractive to me. i am not judging those who find it attractive, it is just not attractive to me.
2. i respect older women tremendously and am a staunch feminist. when i offhandedly mentioned that i "had amazing sex with a 47-year-old lesbo," it was short-hand for the following: i've had a very beautiful and intimate relationship with a woman in her late 40s. doesn't this refute your assumption that i find women older than myself to be unattractive?
3. rusty hit the nail on the head when she said what she said about double standards in regard to older men and older women. the woman's advances were inappropriate for a number of reasons (i.e. i wasn't interested, made that clear, and still she persevered), but I'm having a hard time understanding why people are deducing that "weathered tongue" translates to an attractive, respectful woman who happens to be over 30. She was an unattractive, disrespectful woman who was probably in her late sixties. Excuse me if I found her aggression, and the age difference, off-putting.
all this being said, i never meant to offend anyone and am sorry if i did.
Leathery Old Femme Alert
I think the snarky description came from what sounds like the forced nature of the encounter NOT the woman's age.
Let's all for a moment imagine how any one of us would have described an older male exhibiting the exact same behavior with a woman young enough to be his daughter?
I vote "wrinkled drunk old goat."
PS And unless there was more than one running around the Doral, I think I know who Katie was talking about. In which case, she was being pretty literal in her description.
Your friend,
Rusty
[lesbian humor; what a concept]
+ + + + + + + +
“Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
I'm with you Rusty.There
I'm with you Rusty.There seems to be different rules when women are involved versus men.I vote "wrinkled drunk old goat" too.
Absolutely there's a double standard...
... old men (make that old white men) are not generally an oppressed group.
LGBTs are. Older LGBTs get a double whammy. I'm just asking Katie to choose her words more carefully next time. Is that so hard?
Penance
Katie, feel free to make out with this 54-year-old lezzie next time we meet as penance for offending the 40 and over crowd. Wink.
~Love, Minnie
So the Fortyups are trying
So the Fortyups are trying to build sisterhood by stirring that pot, huh? Nice to know that every older woman coming to this site will be informed of the supposed ageism on this site....via this ONE blog instead of formimg her own opinion about the site and Katie. Good job ladies.
Interesting conclusion(?)
but why not deal with me instead of making a broad generalization. I am not the "Forty Ups". Nor am I ladies, plural.
I am one woman, with one opinion and I am not a category. And I was stirring no global pot with respect to this site, only taking issue with this one. single. blog.
There is not one blog or post that could possibly define this whole site for anyone. And I do believe that we are all capable of forming our own opinions, aren't we?
I'm new here, but I have faith that this site can withstand some differing opinions. Wouldn't it be a bloody bore if we all agreed all the time about everything? Sisterhood is diverse.
P.S. I've just started reading on the Forty Ups forum and so far there are almost as many posts from younger women as from women over forty, FYI. All just expressing their opinions...
well thats your conclusion?
good job ladies?
and seems your stirring a pot to only for a different reason
and i don't know about you but i believe any one coming to this site is able to form and has there own opinion etc.
i know i can and do
besides as i recall that forum don't exclude people under 40
My opinion
My opinion it is: Let's all lighten up! C'mon, let's all frolic together, young and old and in-between.
lol if i lighten up more then i already do ...
then im gonna be on fire
winks
and i have no idea what i am : young / old / in-between?
in-between what?
hey minnie whats frolic?
ain't that dog food?
lol
wishing all nothing but the best
p.s. want a group hug minnie?
Frolic
Kit, hahahahaha, "Ain't that dog food?" Well, I know "Friskies" is cat food.
Frolic means to play boisterously, but we can be frisky too.
well my name is Kit
so ... yeap ill take frisky
winks
http://www.frolic.nl/
p.s. thanks 4 the explanation
i don't think she was generalizing about the whole site...
her response seems to be more about one line in this particular blog. she's not necessarily making a blanket judgment about the writer.
when someone shares a point of view that might not have been considered, it helps to expand the receiver's point of view, perhaps.
and whether the receiver agrees or not, the expansion necessary to even consider the alternate point of view is usually a good thing.
Hey thanks...
... for the gracious note of tolerance for a differing opinion. :)
of course...
you are welcome :).
right on.
right on.
Living in Stereo
No matter what anyone posts today, The Cars (Living in Stereo) is playing, and Phoebe Cates is s-l-o-w-l-y getting out of the pool. :)
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Well, Katie, I can say that
Well, Katie, I can say that you were nice to this 50+ tomboy. :-)
DAMN!!
Can we please just enjoy these ladies stories. Every blog I've gone to on this site someone is bitching. They are sharing with us there point of view...do you have to agree with it..NO...however I do think we should respect what they do! If they aren't sharing..we have no site to come to. I agree that everyone deserves to be represented and they are working on that..like everything else it takes time.
This for me is entertainment...Katie the way you spin a story is brilliant..is it going to offend people...maybe. It's your story you tell it like you want. I always take something away from each story on here...good,bad or ugly!
To all thanks for sharing!
FOREVER MUSHY
LAKE
TINA:"You know it's not like I didn't go for months at a time without having sex when we were together"
BETTE:"OUCH!"
I see.....a butterfly masturbating
Okay. So, now am totally going to refer to you as `rorshack rack` .....until you get angry and strike me down with your mighty Liederman powers and Julia yells at me for pissing you off...
I missed it
Oh, gosh, how did I miss commenting about this? Katie, I must have been getting something to eat or napping in my room at the Doral when this incident occurred because I'm sure I would have remembered it. :-)
Haha
Niiiiiiice K! Makes me wonder what the hell I was doing in Florida when I could've been in Palm Springs observing a tit covered in ink. I miss all the good stuff. Well, I think that means you should post the pics since we all didn't get to see. It's only fair. Haha. ;-)
fortunately
no one got a picture of it. but i'm sure a picture of a similar nature will be posted on this blog soon, so no worries.
LOL
You are so funny, Katie! :)
Haaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!
I agree, soooooo FUNNY! :) Peace, Jodie
Going topless in front of
Going topless in front of your boss?? What kind of magazine do you work for?? One the one hand, that could be totally cool, on the other, though, it could be really eww-inducing. Hope it was the former and not the latter.
fortunately, it was not ew inducing
my boss is my (sort of) ex-girlfriend, and we're great friends.
Ha
OMG that was tooo funny. I love your co-workers are smart enough for blackmail pics as well...
Only you Katie,only
Only you Katie,only you!(lol) You and Diana must be twins,because this is the type of stuff that happens to her regularly:)
not twins
i just worship her from afar. well, not so much afar, cause we're friends, but my friend-crush on her is unsettlingly large (neither of us bump purses, a phrase that a tranny friend of mine brilliantly coined).
LMAO!! that is a great
LMAO!! that is a great story!