With all this talk lately of “the one,” true love and marriage, this week I offer you a review of a book about lesbian Happily Ever Afters. Or at the very least, Happily Ever Bent Overs. Featuring four erotic novellas by authors Barbara Johnson, Karin Kallmaker, Therese Szymanski and Julia Watts, Once Upon a Dyke: New Exploits of Fairy Tale Lesbians is not your grandmother’s Sisters Grimm. These sexy retellings of well-known fairy tales are a mixed bunch, but pack a little something interesting for just about everyone. There’s gender-bending alongside wicked step-mothering, bearded ladies and lusting femmes instead of dwarves, and in lieu of jousting or swordplay, plenty of foreplay and a healthy dollop of good old-fashioned fisting.


In “La Belle Rose,” Julia Watts shakes things up from the get go by setting Beauty and the Beast in a Depression-era circus freak show, a move I found somewhat inspired. Unfortunately, the writing did not quite do justice to the author’s promising premise. The narrative structure falters in places, waxing precious at times, and I found the characters to be rather two-dimensionally drawn. The villainous brother in particular is, at best, a walking stereotype turned plot monkey.

Therese Szymanski’s “A Butch in Fairy Tale Land” was a case of love at first glance thanks to the title. Sadly, like so many such loves, my enthusiasm waned mid-affair. As delighted as I was to find a story here from a butch point-of-view, I was less delighted at the ramblingly long, loose structure of this tale. It quickly devolves into an unending series of fuckfests in which the protagonist’s main aim is to prove her Supah Lovah Stud prowess over and over again. Despite its cheesier moments, and what I found to be decidedly coarse, unsexy language and description during the some of the sex scenes, the butch main character did provide an amusing commentary on her whacked-out fairy tale land surroundings. And this femme has kissed enough butch frogs with savior complexes to wholeheartedly appreciate Szymanski’s portrayal of one butch learning that not all femmes need rescuing.

Putting her own stamp on Cinderella stories, Barbara Johnson helps Once Upon a Dyke hit its stride in “Charlotte of Hessen.” This is a sweet story, prettily told — quite the kind of thing I was expecting and looking forward to when I picked up this book. The writing is solid, the characters are full of good intentions and pluck, and the sex has an aura of sensual innocence wholly appropriate to the young heroines. The ending may have been a tad predictable, but this is Happily Ever After we’re talking about. All in all, a very satisfying read.

The final offering of the bunch is Karin Kallmaker’s “A Fish Out of Water.” Over-flowing with beautiful writing, depth, seriously hot sex and angsty dyke drama, this Little Mermaid story is the crown jewel of the collection. My lone gripe with this piece is that Kallmaker uses Ariel and “Erica” as the main character’s names — a move just corny enough that I half-expected Ursula hentai to ensue at any moment. All kidding aside? This tale was surprisingly edgy and downright delicious. I look awfully forward to reading more from Karin Kallmaker.

Once Upon a Dyke: New Exploits of Fairy Tale Lesbians by Karen Kallmaker, Therese Szymanski, Julia Watts & Barbara Johnson
Bella Book (Bella After Dark), 2004
ISBN: 1931513716
320 pages, Paperback