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I Don’t Heart Huckabee

For my high school graduation, I asked for and received a doctor’s supervised diet. After the weigh-in and the weekly shot of “vitamins,” my doctor, who was later disbarred for amphetamine abuse, gave me a thought for the week. One week his homily was about the flames of hell. He told me that they burned very verily hot because of all the fat.

People have a grudging respect for Bush because he’s been able to maintain his weight for seven years. That’s all he’s been able to maintain. Remember all the hooting at the pictures of Bill Clinton in his jogging shorts? Now that he has a perfect body mass index, he is internationally beloved.

Primary voters can say what they want, but the reason they like Huckabee is that he lost one hundred pounds. You can never be too thin or too insane. On foreign and economic policy he is a lightweight, but the spirit of a fat guy is still in him. Not Santa. No. Jerry Falwell might have blowed up real good and died, but his ideas are alive and well in the reverend Huckabee.

Forget the homophobia once removed of the debate on gay marriage. The rev goes right for the gays. Though it pains him to say it, he must say that homosexuality is an aberrant, unnatural and sinful lifestyle. He’s dragging out that claptrap about love the sinner: hate the sin. And don’t kid yourself, he hates them both, the sinner and the sin. For him, quarantining people with HIV is not a matter of homophobia. It’s a matter of public health and safety. Don’t do me any favors, former fat boy.

One undecided voter in Iowa said that Huckabee lost her vote when he scoffed that there is no global warming in Iowa. She said they used to have snow, now they just have ice storms. Her business, Bees of Iowa, has been harmed by the global warming.

Although I am a secular fundamentalist, tonight before I go to sleep, I am going to eat two Twinkies and pray for a Huckabee Colony Collapse.

6 Comments

Huckabee

Let's see...

Opposes a woman's right to make her own reproductive decisions, even when her life is at stake, and even goes so far as to oppose birth control.

Believes same-sex couples should have no legal recognition whatsoever, and believes sex outside of a legally recognized marriage for purposes other than procreation is wrong.

Advocated for the forced isolation of HIV+ persons, while opposing governmental research into vaccinations, treatments, and cures for all sexually transmitted diseases (until he announced his run for President).

Advocated for and approved the release of a convicted rapist despite opposition from victims' advocacy groups, prosecutors, law enforcement, and the parole board he forced into the decision. Felt the sentence for brutally raping a 17 year old woman was too harsh and politically motivated (she was a distant Clinton relative). Said rapist would rape and murder another woman, and is suspected in the murder of a third. He's dead now, but Huckabee refuses to apologize to those who's lives he destroyed in his politically motivated release of the animal.

Is the typical "pro-life" hypocrite, caring only for the fetus, but not what happens after the child is born. Supports liberal application of the death penalty, depending largely upon the political persuasion of the accused and the victim (see above).

Supports the elimination of all federal taxes, the abolishment of the IRS, and the establishment of a regressive "national sales tax" of 23% on each and every item purchased.

Believes in forced school prayer, teaching of creationism, the merging of Church and State, that the universe is 6,000 years old, and that God guides his every move.

And he won Iowa, is the likely winner in New Hampshire tomorrow, is almost sure to take South Carolina, etc.

Just goes to show what the GOP really stands for if this is their nominee.

Ugh!

Can't stand him either, but I think that Huckabee forum is a spoof. Just too over the top to be real.

I cannot BELIEVE he did well in Iowa. It's because he's folksy and "cares more about the working class than the other GOP candidates". Well, okay.

Don't think we have anything to worry about once the South Carolina primaries are over. Most Americans are not going to buy his claptrap.

Confusion 101

That's the course I feel like I've enrolled in every time I look at the primaries.

Huckabee was wildly unpopular here in AR when he left office. About every conversation I have about him goes something like this:

"So, you hear about how well Huckabee is polling in Iowa? He's raising a lot of cash."
"Huh, that's wierd. He was a pretty crap governor."

One unfortunate conversation with a well-educated, very liberal friend quite frighteningly went like this.

"What's your problem with Huckabee? Debate me. I'll make you love him. For every complaint, I can tell you why his economic policies or whatever are a good idea."
"He supports a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage."
"But that'll never happen."
"Ok, how about this... he supports a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage because he finds me repulsive and believes I should go to hell and shut up until I get there."

I really can't see him on the Republican ticket though, not successfully anyway.

How'd the diet go?

I thought maybe you were gonna tell us about dieting and how the good(?) doctor's "vitamins" totally screwed up your metabolism for life. But, if you can eat Twinkies and look like you do either you're still taking those vitamins or you found a different diet doctor.

Lady Moor

Ugh. Huckabee. The guy's got

Ugh. Huckabee. The guy's got a cult-like following that is scary. You wanna' be entertained... or disgusted, lurk through the Huckabee forums. I shit you not, they have "prayer" threads praying for Jesus to strike down other candidates, they pray for their death saying it's not murder, it's justified. It's really, really sick. I'm not kidding.

http://www.mikehuckabeeforum.com/index.php?PHPSESSID=5e4c1482a79461c6164...

Oh, and gotta love Huckabee's comment "a wife is to submit graciously to the servant leadership of her husband". Whoa.
And his involvement in the release of a rapist/murderer, who just happened to be a distant cousin of Bill Clinton, who upon his release went out raped and murdered two more women.
And that's not all. I think the most recent on the news was telling how his son had hanged, stoned and burned a dog, or something like that. You can look this stuff up on the mainstream. Guy's surrounded by some really weird shit. And this guy wants to be our president. *rolls eyes*

Eat two twinkies for me, too. ;o)

This man

Is worse then Bush x10 God help us if he is the Prss in 08,I say to anyone look this man up on has website and what he believes ,I would much ratter be stuck with Bush then him and that is saying a lot for me because I don't like Bush at all.