In the gayest wedding Crawford, Texas ever did see, first daughter Jenna Bush said “I do” this past Saturday. I am delighted to inform you that our gay agenda was happily advanced by the beautiful evening nuptials. Despite her father's and other social conservatives' attempts to continue their efforts to ban same-sex marriage, the former party girl, Jenna Bush, 26, was representin’ for the gays:


As a lover of weddings and the gays, I thought it my duty to investigate the nuptials of our president’s daughter and scrutinize them for gay content.

My findings:

"Jenna's twin sister, Barbara, is maid of honor, and 14 other women are part of the 'house party.'" (Associated Press)

Please note the use of “house party” to describe what is customarily called the bridesmaids or the wedding party. But nooo, Jenna Bush referred to this group of women as the “house party.” Well, I don’t know about you, but the last time I was part of a house party, I wound up taking Jell-o shots and making out with a woman in a corner. Gay, suspiciously gay!

“The women in the house party are in seven styles of knee-length dresses in seven colors that match the palette of Texas wildflowers, including blues, greens, lavenders….” (Associated Press)

Of importance in this gay tidbit is the not-so-subtle reference to the seven-striped gay flag adopted in 1978 after the assassinations of San Francisco Mayor George Moscone and Harvey Milk. Hidden by a veil of a love for Texas wildflowers, our dear Jenna gives yet another nod to the gay community by dressing her “house party” in a giant rainbow flag.

Jenna and her new husband were married… on a ranch… where roads are named Cattle Drive and, the kicker… in Texas. Is it me or does that not scream Brokeback Mountain? I’m telling you, at every turn, Jenna is trying to subconsciously scream to the media and the world that gays ought to be able to marry too. I want to personally thank Jenna for the gaying up of her oh-so-important day.

But fortunately, Jenna was not enough for me. I wanted to know how other important White House children felt about the Texas brokeback nuptials. I traveled last night down to Great Falls, VA to get a very exclusive interview with Mary Cheney and her partner of over 15 years, Heather Poe. I sat down with the lovely couple and asked them about the pending nuptials of Jenna Bush.

“Mary, thank you so much for agreeing to speak with me.”

“Ummhmm.”

“Well, as you know, Jenna Bush is getting married on Saturday. I’m sure that you have heard about the wedding, as this is one of the highlights of this president’s presidency. Do you have any thoughts or insights that you’d like to share with the OurChart readers?"

“Her cake is said to be buttercream. Buttercream will melt. They are in Texas. Everybody knows that.”

Mary then got up and walked away from the interview. Her partner of over 15 years whispered in a barely negligible tone.

“If we were ever allowed to get married, we would have simply done chocolate. It doesn’t melt, it’s fun and everybody loves chocolate.”

I nodded in agreement and excused myself from the lovely couple.

While on the train, I uncovered the final jewel of why our dear Jenna Bush is a fan of the gays.

Now, of course, some people say that the wedding is the bride's day: Jenna’s bush. Some, of course, say that it is the parent’s day: Laura’s bush. But I say it is a day for all bushes and people who love them... and so, as an homage to all bush lovers out there, take a little time to celebrate and love on your bush and the bush next to you. Do it honor of Jenna... she would want you to.