I’m a Dinah Shore virgin. This doesn’t mean I’ve never had sex at Dinah Shore — well I guess it means that too — but I’ve actually never been to the event. Am I going to get my lesbian membership card revoked for admitting that?

This year is going to be different. I finally made the move to L.A. 10 days ago after much procrastination, and it just so happens that Dinah is next weekend. I’m going to hop in my 2001 forest green Honda CRV, throw on my shades and head to Palm Springs.

I’m a little nervous. The website shows what looks to be thousands upon thousands of women scantily clad in bikini’s swarming around a huge swimming pool. Does this mean I have to wear a bikini? I don’t think I can recall wearing one of those since I was six or seven, and that one had Wonder Woman on it. Does this mean I also have to be a good swimmer? Do half of the women lounge by the pool sipping mojitos while the others, who have more of a serious and competitive temperament, swim laps?

And what about the parties? There seem to be tons of them, each one costing over $50 a pop. How do you choose where to go? One you wear white, another has celebrity guests, another is for women of color, another has strippers — who can be expected to make a decision?

I have always prided myself on being a horrible decision maker, so I’ve been thinking about this for a couple weeks. I am a black lesbian who likes to swim and doesn’t mind watching strippers. Is there a way to get all my needs met at once without dropping $300?

I mentioned my dilemma to a friend, also a black lesbian, who shook her head and rolled her eyes at me: “You have to go to the women of color parties. You have to support your peeps.” I chuckled because, whenever she says that word, I think of those yellow mushy marshmallow Easter candies in the shape of baby chicks that I can never bring myself to stomach.

So, I went online to get tickets to the so-called WOC parties and noticed that they weren’t on the website. I called my friend back. She was irritated because I interrupted her from the season finale of LOST.

“Are they really still on that island?" I joked with her. She didn’t find it funny.

“It’s so much more complex than that. If you haven’t been following it, you wouldn’t understand. Hold on.” She sighed loudly and put the TIVO on pause.

“I’m sorry for interrupting,” I told her, “but I went online and I couldn’t find the parties for women of color”

She chuckled as if she had a delicious secret she couldn’t wait to let me in on. “They aren’t on the Dinah website. They are separate special events. It’s kind of like the white lesbians have their parties and the women of color have theirs, and so the color parties are separate form the main parties.”

Suddenly I felt like I was thrown back to the early 1900s. Color parties? Separated from the main parties?

“I don’t get it? Why can’t they just throw one big party, and all the dykes under the big gay rainbow can dance the night away under an umbrella of stars?”

“Wow. How poetic. Are you really that corny and naïve? That’s life. Why should it change just because it’s a lesbian party in Palm Springs? The rules are still the rules. It doesn’t change just because the game does.”

Wait a minute? I could have sworn I heard those lyrics in a Doctor Dre song. “Okay,” I said. “I get what you are saying, but you would think since gays know what it is to feel discriminated against that the rules WOULD be different?”

“We still get to have our parties. So, in the end, it all works out; and there are some events there that are somewhat mixed, but people are drawn to what they are familiar with and who they feel comfortable around, no matter if they are gay or not.”

So, I hung up the phone and thought about this. Since I have arrived in L.A. have the gay places I’ve been hanging out been integrated? And, if so, was there still internal segregation going on amongst the different circles of girls? What about in other cities I’ve been to — Chicago, New York, Indianapolis, San Diego — maybe she was right? And how do I fit into all of it? I’m bi-racial, but identify as black. I was adopted and raised by white parents who went the extra mile to make sure I identified with my blackness. I like dancing to hip hop, but I also like to groove to house and the Indigo Girls.

Should an event like Dinah Shore include these parties as part of their event or should they invite these promoters to join in with them so everyone can hang at the same party? Is that even realistic? Like my friend pointed out, people like to hang where they are comfortable and will have a good time — no matter if they are gay or not. So, maybe people like it the way it is. And maybe I’m a naïve lesbian who’s grown up in some sort of fake, interracial utopia. The world really isn’t like that, so why should a lesbian gathering in Palm Springs be any different?