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Outta Town Ass
May 15, 2008 - 7:28am — Gloria Bigelow
Recently singled — i.e. bitter, confused, grieving and feeling generally unloved BY THE WORLD — my OTA entered at exactly the right time.
Three days of passion, three days of care, three days of feeding my girly girl and an endless amount of happy thoughts to cushion the blow of a break-up. Outta Town Ass is better than the rebound, or the overlap, or the endless lonely nights. It may even be better than chocolate… if it’s done right.
Now I know, it’s hard for us dykes to not jump into another relationship. Holler if you hear me. But with an OTA, the practicality of distance is a much-needed buffer to keep you from taking that plunge into another marriage.
Different from a booty call, an OTA is essentially a three-day holiday — a mini relationship one visit at a time. You get all of the perks of a relationship — the romance, the sex, the cuddling and such — but with very little of the relationship trappings — the negotiation, the compromising or the “let’s just turn in, I’m tired,” or the constant needing to shave your legs. When you’re away from the OTA, you don’t have to shave, trim or groom nothin’. You can sit up on the phone talking to the OTA and looking like Sasquatch, and she’s none the wiser. Very little detail, no negotiation, no dirty socks and no PMS if you plan it right.
Along with the Sasquatch selling point, the lack of responsibility and consideration and negotiation is very attractive when your defenses are down and you think the world is against you after a break-up.
The OTA has very little to negotiate:
“What time does your flight get in?”
“9 p.m.”
“I’ll pick you up.”
Settled. You don’t have to negotiate about the bills, the cat litter or the woman who was flirting with you at the bar the night before. OTA wasn’t at the bar the night before, she was outta town where she belonged.
You don’t have to compromise with OTA:
“Do you mind stopping by a friend's house. They’re having a little house party.”
“Sure.” She kisses your neck.
“Party? What party?”
Everyone wins!
Sex is usually great with an OTA.
Note: don’t have an OTA if the sex is not stupendous. The word Ass is a part of the equation for a reason.
Ass is not just a part of it because you just have to have sex, although that’s alright too; but Ass is an important variable because sometimes the right kind of kiss on the back of your neck — or wherever else — can remind you that you’re alive. Sometimes, the girl needs to be awakened and a weekend in bed can do it.
Along with great sex, there are a couple of important noteworthy variables in the OTA scenario:
The visits must be short. I suggest no more than three days, the same amount of time that I allow for a visit with my mother. Three days is very fulfilling, and everything starts to grow back after that time.
Also noteworthy is the joy and excitement that comes with the anticipation of the OTA’s return. You get to plan things. You count down the days until they arrive. You pull out cute outfits and, with them only being there for a matter of three days, you can actually stretch your cute clothes out for several months instead of several weeks! But key is the feeling of excitement that you thought was dead after your last relationship!
Also of note is the relief when the OTA is gone. It’s just you, and that’s a really good thing. After your three-day holiday, you are then left alone with warm feelings and a warm bed. A warm bed where you can grieve, dumpster dive on MySpace and roll around in your own tears and spittle moaning like the Sasquatch that you really are.
Three days of passion, three days of care, three days of feeding my girly girl and an endless amount of happy thoughts to cushion the blow of a break-up. Outta Town Ass is better than the rebound, or the overlap, or the endless lonely nights. It may even be better than chocolate… if it’s done right.
Now I know, it’s hard for us dykes to not jump into another relationship. Holler if you hear me. But with an OTA, the practicality of distance is a much-needed buffer to keep you from taking that plunge into another marriage.
Different from a booty call, an OTA is essentially a three-day holiday — a mini relationship one visit at a time. You get all of the perks of a relationship — the romance, the sex, the cuddling and such — but with very little of the relationship trappings — the negotiation, the compromising or the “let’s just turn in, I’m tired,” or the constant needing to shave your legs. When you’re away from the OTA, you don’t have to shave, trim or groom nothin’. You can sit up on the phone talking to the OTA and looking like Sasquatch, and she’s none the wiser. Very little detail, no negotiation, no dirty socks and no PMS if you plan it right.
Photo. www.ehow.com
Along with the Sasquatch selling point, the lack of responsibility and consideration and negotiation is very attractive when your defenses are down and you think the world is against you after a break-up.
The OTA has very little to negotiate:
“What time does your flight get in?”
“9 p.m.”
“I’ll pick you up.”
Settled. You don’t have to negotiate about the bills, the cat litter or the woman who was flirting with you at the bar the night before. OTA wasn’t at the bar the night before, she was outta town where she belonged.
You don’t have to compromise with OTA:
“Do you mind stopping by a friend's house. They’re having a little house party.”
“Sure.” She kisses your neck.
“Party? What party?”
Everyone wins!
Sex is usually great with an OTA.
Note: don’t have an OTA if the sex is not stupendous. The word Ass is a part of the equation for a reason.
Ass is not just a part of it because you just have to have sex, although that’s alright too; but Ass is an important variable because sometimes the right kind of kiss on the back of your neck — or wherever else — can remind you that you’re alive. Sometimes, the girl needs to be awakened and a weekend in bed can do it.
Along with great sex, there are a couple of important noteworthy variables in the OTA scenario:
The visits must be short. I suggest no more than three days, the same amount of time that I allow for a visit with my mother. Three days is very fulfilling, and everything starts to grow back after that time.
Also noteworthy is the joy and excitement that comes with the anticipation of the OTA’s return. You get to plan things. You count down the days until they arrive. You pull out cute outfits and, with them only being there for a matter of three days, you can actually stretch your cute clothes out for several months instead of several weeks! But key is the feeling of excitement that you thought was dead after your last relationship!
Also of note is the relief when the OTA is gone. It’s just you, and that’s a really good thing. After your three-day holiday, you are then left alone with warm feelings and a warm bed. A warm bed where you can grieve, dumpster dive on MySpace and roll around in your own tears and spittle moaning like the Sasquatch that you really are.
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70 Comments
As a busy working college
As a busy working college student in a small town (South Georgia)...I don't have the time to play the guessing game with the lezes down here.
It's too much...so I AM THE OTA!
I love it! When I voyage to Atlanta (not just for booty...I see my mommy too!) I am thrilled at how much is put into my arrival. Both off the highway and in the bedroom (or kitchen,or patio, la la la)
VIVA OTA!!!
I'd LOVE a girlfriend, but it's not happening down here so I'll get enough love and affection three days a week, a month to last me until I double over from lonliness!
OTA?? hmmm
been there - doesn't really work for me. what if you will fall in love with your OTA, who lives hundreds of miles away, and there is no way you two can be together? spending ridiculous amounts of money on phone calls and skype credit, apart from plane tickets. It's gonna turn into a long-distance relationship which almost never a good thing.
stomp stomp stomp
My dearest Gloria, from reading your other blogs it seems like to me your OTA is going to get her heart stomped on. An OTA only works when you are not still in love with your ex or not trying get back with them(keeping that door open for when they are ready to come back).....what you have my dear is a friend with benefits. When you are done with your OTA, send her my way;)
Good luck witht your ex.
no stomping here...
Gloria Bigelow
I don't currently have an OTA or anyone who is getting stomped on
no ex
no stomping
no friends with benefits
and certainly no passing anyone anywhere
...it is all love where I am.
had an ota , it didnt work
had an ota , it didnt work out i didnt feel better . in fact i even talked about my ex with her and started to cry !she started to cry too!loool
it was the best night ever!
i hate dick cipline
hilarious
but I guess so true tho..I gotta get one of those..lol
OTA
LOL
That was good. :)
If I need one someday.. it would be perfect way of not thinking that I'm lonely but still horny.
I can't wait...
to be someone's OTA, or even OCA, since I'll be coming all the way from France to the US in September!... I need to have some fun...
All this time...
All this time...and I thought I was just good at LTR! LOL I was just good at OTA! Thanks for bringing it to my attention Glo! Now to get rid of the OTAS (Otta Town Ass Stalkers!) Ahhhh Ha Ha Ha Ha!
I only have one at a time! They don't over lap!
Keep us rollin!
FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS
Aren't FWB's an option. Cheaper too LOL!
Enjoyed the blog!!!
Midlook
do FWB's have any romance?
Gloria Bigelow
I've never had a friend with benefits kind of thing, is there any romance involved with it. An OTA will send you flowers...hmmm
Just HOT sex with FWB...
no romance...that leads to the dreaded U-HAUL....YIKES!!!
PUMA'S FOREVER
BUBBA LOVE
BETTE:"Tell him that all great art is a response to small minded corporate fascists trying to impose their ignorance on the sheep-like masses."
"The Promiscuous One"
Well...
depends. Ass is ass, whether it's in town or "outta" town.
FWB's, like OTA's is that hookup between relationships, it's just that FWB's are usually across town and it's simply a lust thing. You probably disagree on politics and such, but can hang out and be nice to each other. Flowers with an FWB could lead to a relationship. She(FWB)is NOT the one; The bedroom and a nice lunch only LOL!!! :-)
Midlook
Oh if only I'd had a clue!
Woman! Don't I wish I could've just hitched up my boots and rolled like you Gloria. So far though, with my break-ups I grieved, healed up and moved on clueless to the rejuvenating power of OTA. If only I'd known. But I'm thinkin that at the time of my relationship demises, I was too wrapped up in snarky bitterness and French Vanilla ice cream to give a hooty about patootie. So dangit, I missed the potential of OTA. What a concept tho!
I am OTA!
I had 2 end it because she wants to uhaul!!!
YEEEEESSSSS!!!!!!
OTA is definitely good for the EGO when a relationship goes MIA however I find it best to be up front about it because just as easily as I can have OTA, I could as easily be someone's OTA, and I prefer to be in the KNOW! I'm a big girl who can handle it so I prefer a like minded OTA:-) Knowing you're someone's OTA is not so bad...C'mon we ALL know it's best to know what a "thing" we're having with someone IS and ISN'T!!! YOU BETTER!!!! or your OTA can easily turn into a LDR and who needs that when you're just trying to have a little F U N!
variation on a theme....
I was thinking along the lines of lesbian tour guide. If you live in a cool city with lots of tourists (I'm in Paris) you can show them around, introduce them to local lesbian culture, and if things go well, hook up somewhere along the way?
p.s. If the girls from ourchart who I just showed around read this, that was not my intention in meeting with you, but showing you around made me think that a similar experience could end romantically. ;-)
If you deny any affinity with another person or kind of person, if you declare them to be wholly different from yourself, you have, in fact, alienated yourself...~Le Guin
lol
Hmm...
My OTA became my LDR...
Geez, Gloria-
I wish your blog had come out 14 months ago when I started having an OTA. If I could've listened to your wise advise of limiting visits to three days and knew to call it an OTA instead of calling it a LDR (Long Distance Relationship)....I don't think I'd be hurtin' so much right now that we have broken up.
Is it wise for me to have another OTA to help get over my original OTA? Or in this situation, would finding local ass be better?
How you know your LDR should have stayed OTA
- imagine your LDR living in a really awful location - do you still want to see them? did the magic suddenly evaporate?
FWBs. there's a thought. maybe too close to home though.
a pliable one ?
Does any foldable (or/and pliable) OTA exist in order to put it in the pocket and take it out whenever you need to fuck-snuff ?
PS: I do my weekly abdominals' practice with you Gloria, laughing. I have a chocolate bar on my belly since I have been reading your blogs.
THATS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!
aint nuthin like some Over Time with your OTA..Now thats the true meaning of "WAITING TO EXHALE"...
Bravo!
Now for me to get some OTA is my next mission.
Always enjoy the blogs Glo.
dude...
cheers to some OTA.
i'm convinced it's a must in life.
My London OTA
Somehow I have ended up with a full time almost cohabitational GF and an OTA in London that is rapidly becoming a OTGF. How do I get myself in these situations? All I can say is that every time I get a comment about the huge pile of laundry or get a lecture about not returning movies on time, a little OTA sounds wonderful. Some days I think that just one more comment would find me eating fish and chips wrapped in paper across the pond without my knickers on.
well i don't have a OTA
i have a OCL or OSL or OCTF or OSTF(yes thats TF not FT!) lol
and she (from the USA) will be ariving here (to the NL)
20 may and leaving 4 june
this time trip is bit shorter but still
whoopyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
I don't know if I could do
I don't know if I could do OTA. A few OTAs and it could be a U-haul when you're not looking.
rovermom :)
Life is a 3D puzzle and everyone has a piece!
NEW! OurChart Photo Assignment and My Blog
Moved back
Yea, my OTA ended up MOVING back to NY, then hinting about U-Hauling as soon as she moved back! Sadly, I had to cut off my perfectly good OTA (which became Local-Ass) for that reason.
I don't know ,local as is
I don't know ,local ass is better than no ass(lol).
Three-day Holiday
LOL! You make a little OTA sound pretty good, Gloria. :)
You down with OTA...
I love it! And I think it could serve a variety of purposes. Besides the post-break up OTA, you could also have a post-getting fired OTA, or a post-final exams OTA, or a post-(insert similar traumatic experience here) OTA. No muss, no fuss, and a toe-curling good time will be had by all? Yeah, I'm down :)
It's also great because I'm
It's also great because I'm not really much of a relationship person, I'd much rather a weekend of wonderful sex, then be able to go do what ever I please after those days are up!
Ahhh, the joys of freedom.
Counting down...
5 days till my OTA arrives!
It is a wonderful thing isn't it??
do they know...
Gloria Bigelow
do they know they are an OTA? cause you know how we can get?
lovin OTA
Lovin the idea of OTA... No relationship booby traps! FYI--I'm down with OTA will travel!
Damn...
You mean I don't have to keep moving??? They will come and then leave, brilliant!!!!
N!k
yup...
Gloria Bigelow
that can be arranged.
More than one OTA?
Can you have one in several town if you're a rabid vagrant and travel constantly?
that sounds wonderful...
Gloria Bigelow
can you imagine three day holidays everywhere you go?
:)
Dream with me Gloria!
Hiding out
Gloria, I'm hiding out over here on your OTA blog because I don't want to get married. *Wink*
understood...
Gloria Bigelow
but should you want to california is taking applications- yay!
Maybe you should be over in
Maybe you should be over in Staceyann's Visuals and Vaginas instead.At least you'd be having fun while you're hiding out sticking stuff in your honeypot:)
Yeah for marriage!
this is the most fucking
this is the most fucking brilliant idea EVER!!! copyright the term!
OMG!!
i'll be accepting applications to become some lovely lady's OTA right..... NOW!
according to the comments...
Gloria Bigelow
there may be a couple of mutual OTA's out there
I always leave your blog....
I always leave your blog with a cheshire cat grin on my face.Even on my PMS days!I'm just sayin'.....
that makes me
Gloria Bigelow
that makes me smile!
UH OH!
I think that I have been treating my girlfriends like an OTA! No wonder I am single..pondering..
*Please do not use that self help jargon on me. I will barf*
I love it!
I learned a new term today - OTA!! ;)
******
"Change is created by those whose imaginations are bigger than their circumstances." Unknown