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The L Word Monologues: A Call For Stories
April 12, 2008 - 6:27am — ilene
JENNIFER BEALS AND ILENE CHAIKEN WANT YOU… TO WORK WITH US… TO CARRY ON TELLING THE STORIES OF OUR LIVES
This weekend, Jennifer and I are in New Orleans to take part in V to the 10th, the V-Day event of the decade, a celebration and a continuation of the V-Day movement to end the worldwide epidemic of violence against women and girls, to grow our power and to change the collective story of our lives. (Please go to http://v10.vday.org/anniversary-events/arena for more information about the event itself.)
Over the course of the weekend, Jennifer and I are also beginning a new project, a project that is, in many ways, a continuation of the job we’ve been doing for the last six years. The L Word has been a gift to us — rewarding and meaningful. We’ve talked about it often — how incredibly gratifying it’s been to tell these lesbian stories, to represent and bring visibility and, through entertaining, to take part in also illuminating, building bridges and creating change. We’ve also been moved and motivated by letters we’ve each received and by stories we’ve been told by people whom we’ve met along the way. We’ve heard stories of hardship and overcoming, discrimination and intolerance and resistance in the face of hatred and misunderstanding. And we’ve been warmed and heartened by love stories and family stories and stories of great achievement and triumphing over adversity. And we came to realize that we want to carry on telling these stories and to keep aloft the spirit and the progress and the dynamic purpose that The L Word has come to signify in our lives and, as you’ve let us believe, in many of yours as well.
In “The Red Tent”, on the floor of the New Orleans Superdome, on both Friday and Saturday afternoon at approximately 4 p.m., Jennifer and I are going to begin by hosting an LGBTQ storytelling circle. We will be listening with a view towards developing a theatrical piece inspired by the stories we hear. We are going to continue this call for stories over the summer, at Pride events across the country. We, and perhaps other L Word cast members, will travel and participate and conduct more sessions and collect more stories as we evolve and shape the project. These stories will all be archived here on OurChart for all of us to partake of and to share with one another, and as well we are inviting you all to participate. Here on OurChart, we will be putting forward a series of prompts — themes on which to write and share the significant events of your own lives. First inklings. Coming out stories. First experiences. Early experiences. Sexual awakenings. First love. Otherness. Homophobia. Workplace discrimination. Harassment. Bashing. Intolerance. Resistance. Acceptance. Forming families. Reconciliation. Changing minds. Moving hearts. Self-definition. Self-determination. Gender identity. Finding community.
Your lives have informed our L Word stories, and your passionate support has enabled us to go on telling those stories for six wonderful years. We hope some of you will be inspired to share with us your personal stories and participate in the next phase of our storytelling adventure.
This weekend, Jennifer and I are in New Orleans to take part in V to the 10th, the V-Day event of the decade, a celebration and a continuation of the V-Day movement to end the worldwide epidemic of violence against women and girls, to grow our power and to change the collective story of our lives. (Please go to http://v10.vday.org/anniversary-events/arena for more information about the event itself.)
Over the course of the weekend, Jennifer and I are also beginning a new project, a project that is, in many ways, a continuation of the job we’ve been doing for the last six years. The L Word has been a gift to us — rewarding and meaningful. We’ve talked about it often — how incredibly gratifying it’s been to tell these lesbian stories, to represent and bring visibility and, through entertaining, to take part in also illuminating, building bridges and creating change. We’ve also been moved and motivated by letters we’ve each received and by stories we’ve been told by people whom we’ve met along the way. We’ve heard stories of hardship and overcoming, discrimination and intolerance and resistance in the face of hatred and misunderstanding. And we’ve been warmed and heartened by love stories and family stories and stories of great achievement and triumphing over adversity. And we came to realize that we want to carry on telling these stories and to keep aloft the spirit and the progress and the dynamic purpose that The L Word has come to signify in our lives and, as you’ve let us believe, in many of yours as well.
In “The Red Tent”, on the floor of the New Orleans Superdome, on both Friday and Saturday afternoon at approximately 4 p.m., Jennifer and I are going to begin by hosting an LGBTQ storytelling circle. We will be listening with a view towards developing a theatrical piece inspired by the stories we hear. We are going to continue this call for stories over the summer, at Pride events across the country. We, and perhaps other L Word cast members, will travel and participate and conduct more sessions and collect more stories as we evolve and shape the project. These stories will all be archived here on OurChart for all of us to partake of and to share with one another, and as well we are inviting you all to participate. Here on OurChart, we will be putting forward a series of prompts — themes on which to write and share the significant events of your own lives. First inklings. Coming out stories. First experiences. Early experiences. Sexual awakenings. First love. Otherness. Homophobia. Workplace discrimination. Harassment. Bashing. Intolerance. Resistance. Acceptance. Forming families. Reconciliation. Changing minds. Moving hearts. Self-definition. Self-determination. Gender identity. Finding community.
Your lives have informed our L Word stories, and your passionate support has enabled us to go on telling those stories for six wonderful years. We hope some of you will be inspired to share with us your personal stories and participate in the next phase of our storytelling adventure.
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My not coming out story
I do not have a coming out story....yet. But well, I still have a story.
Things would have been easier if I was gay. But I'm not gay - I'm bi. When I look back now, I can see that as a kid I had crushes on girls or women - for instance, my best friend during fourth grade, or my fifth grade teacher. The problem is, I had no idea what a crush was supposed to feel like - plus I knew I was supposed to have crushes on boys, not girls. So, when at the age of 16 I fell for a guy and had sex with him (which is probably when I would have realized that "it doesn't work for me" if I was gay, except it did work for me), it seemed things had cleared up. But this was not the case. Things did clear up when I got to be 22, hugely in love with my music teacher, wanting to make love to her more than anything. Right there and then it was clear to me that I am bi. A year later, we (finally) got to make love. I decided that, if things worked out between us, I would tell my friends. I knew they would be somewhat overwhelmed, but they would not ditch me. However things never worked out. Instead, after a few months of a blurry "relationship" (something between friendship, occasional sex and music lessons) I was left alone and heartbroken.
At the time, I decided to not talk about it to anyone. The last thing I needed, on top of feeling like shit, was to have to discuss my sexual identity issues. Later on, at times I thought about coming out to my friends, but it just seemed pointless - why tell them I like women, if there is no particular woman I like at the time and if there is always the possibility of me falling for a man next time? Plus, my female friends would be considerably more shocked to know I like "women" in general, as opposed to "a certain woman".
As for my parents, coming out to them seems even harder: for years now, they have been trying to establish whether "the abnormality of being gay" is an incurable illness (better yet, disease) or a manifestation of perversion and sexual promiscuity - and to my parents' universe, sexual promiscuity equals immorality. Luckily, they lean towards the first option - so if "I am gay", I am obviously sick but at least not immoral. "Being bi" is just out of question - this would be both sick and immoral - I would be sick to want to have "abnormal" sex with women, and "promiscuous= immoral" to act on it, since I could just as well have "normal" sex with (god forbid, not "too many") men. These are not just speculations of mine - it's their opinion whenever we get to talk "generally" about the "gay issue". In some strange way however, their behavior tells me they may "know" I am gay, even if they are in denial. After all, to them it would only make sense: in my 24 years of age, I have never talked about my sex/love life (well, even when it comes to straight relationships, I find it truly uncomfortable to share with them), which could only mean there is something that I'm keeping a secret. But if they want to stay in that "don't ask, don't tell" mode, why ruin it for them?
So for now, it seems there is no reason for me to come out. But as I quietly sit in my closet, I sometimes can't help but think of the time I will fall in love with a woman again: next time, she will not run over me. She won't make me suffer. She will make me happy and I will know I finally got it right. And I will be able to walk up to my friends and family and say "You know what? I am in love with a woman." Or well....maybe there won't ever be another woman and I won't need to tell anyone anything. That's life. That's me.
So that's my story....sorry for my rambling and thanks to whoever actually got to read the whole thing.
The Evolution of Acceptance
I came out, involuntarily (another story), at the age of 17 to very suburban conformist, disapproving parents who shuttered at the thought that anyone would find out their daughter was a lesbian lest their friends, relatives, acquaintances, neighbors, grocery store clerks, etc. would believe that my "rebellious character defect" was their fault. I never won their approval anyway as an actor, artist, musician, horrible jr high & high school student and now afflicted leper who embraced the love that dare not speak its name.
For demonstrative purposes only, my mother didn't want my sister (7 years younger than me) to find out that I was gay apparently in the event that it was contagious (an erroneous belief that our religious conservative right wing fanatical friends like to propogate). Consequently, she did not allow my sister and me to have an independent relationship without her presence (I have to take some ownership and say that i did not allow myself to defy my mother's prohibition because I feared further rejection). This prohibition essentially severed my relationship with my sister for 14 years. This is one of many examples of the extreme disapproval of my parents (even though my father is a clinical psychologist). On another humorous occasion my mother came to me with terror in her eyes saying her brother-in-law (who she believed to negatively judged her because of his narrow-mindedness) had asked if I was dating anyone, and asked me in an accusatory manner, "what am I supposed to tell him..." I told her in a brave moment to just tell him to ask me. That comment stopped further overt ascerbic remarks from her. As you can imagine, there are many more episodes to this story of repression that may later be told.
While I was lead singer/songwriter/musician in a band in some dive I met a woman 22 years my senior with whom I spent 11 years which horrified my mother who was one year older than my girlfriend. During that relationship I went to college, was at the top of my class, then went on to law school and became a trial lawyer (which is even better than being an actor because you get to be the writer, director, actor, producer and...you have a captive audience) and an adjunct law professor, teaching law students as well as lawyers across the country trial advocacy skills. See footnote #1 below [footnotes are an irresistible compulsion].
Becoming a lawyer gave my parents something positive to boast about diverting attention away from my perverse deviance.
But...what I have just described is a snapshot in time, a finite movie that ends. The relationship between my girlfriend of 11 years dissolved, my brother committed suicide, and my parents fell in love with my current partner of twelve years whose magnetic personality and compassion captivate even the most vehement extremists. Their icy exterior melted a little bit as they became willing to introduce her to their friends/relatives as "my friend" [a step in the right direction] and the complete acceptance of me by my partner's entire family began to soften their fear and shame as they were invited to holiday functions and even hosted these family functions of their own. My partner's family really served as role models for my parents.
From a caterpillar into a butterfly
People do evolve if given the opportunity and so have my parents. I cannot entirely blame my them for their prolonged fear and shame of me which fueled their secrecy and rejection because I too had internalized their shame and allowed their rejection to limit my life as well as theirs.
The last frontier with my parents was the fear that I would have children, which I had always wanted. They were absolutely aggressive in their vehemence against my parenthood because of their fear and shame that they would be irrevocably "outed". For y e a r s I denied myself the opportunity of pursuing parenthood until my biological clock had just about turned my coach into a pumpkin. At the age of 41 I was finally undergoing artificial insemination when the most amazing thing occurred...My partner and I had one month's notice before Anni was born to become a parents through a completely unexpected private adoption (a whole other story). During that month I was blessed with the opportunity to see our daughter through ultrasound and most importantly to be present at her birth...to diaper her, feed her and spend the night with her at the hospital. Thus, my parents had one month notice to convert their fear and shame into pride and acceptance. In that moment of reality when I tangibly came face to face with my fears, I finally summoned up the courage to tell them that we were not going to raise our daughter in an atmosphere of shame, that we were not going to walk around acting like one of us was not Anni's parent and that Anni would grow up with the knowledge that she had parents she could be proud of who love her and will always provide her with the most enriching, honest and loving environment possible. I told them that I had found in my social life, my work life and every other facet of my life that if one presents themselves honestly, without fear or shame, other people, even bigots, will follow. That day my mother and I went shopping for a crib, baby clothes and other accoutrement of newborn babies. In that month of glorious anticipation, my mother's church ladies and best friends gave us a baby showers!!! The relatives she thought would reject her because of my sexuality were delighted at Anni's birth and happy that my parents would have grandchildren in the same city. And every one of these people, when given the opportunity to see me as a three dimension person, were once again enchanted by my partner's engaging personality and happy that I had my own family who they confidently believed would provide our daughter with a safe, secure, loving home. In fact, even before she was born, Anni had transformed all of our lives in ways we never anticipated.
Now my parents have no hesitation introducing my partner and I as Anni's parents. They proudly display family pictures of the three of us throughout their house and make wallet sized pictures of us to show their friends. We have never in the 2 1/2 years that we have been Anni's parents encountered bigotry or negativity from anyone we have met or encountered and I believe it is because of our forthright truthful presentation as a bona fide family is lucky enough (according to one of my mother's friends) to have two mothers. The diverse people (bigoted and not) we have encountered have embraced us and validated us and I believe we have transformed them by putting a human face on an alien concept.
The bottom line is people do change if given the opportunity...Over the twenty seven years that I have been "out" (27+17: yes I'll proudly say that I am the same age as Jennifer Beals and that we both have daughters the exact same age...so how can I be old???), my parents have slowly yet steadily evolved like the mighty Colorado River s l o w l y transformed the plateau of northern Arizona into the beauty of the Grand Canyon. And the painful journey has given me the strength, maturity and wisdom to be a better parent and a better person.
As corny as it sounds I wrote a song recently that wasn't directly intended to relate to this subject but does. The song is called "Mighty River". Here are the words:
Life is like the rain beating down on the plain. Grinding rock into river filled with droplets of pain. Cutting deep into canyons exposing your very soul. Releasing the beauty trapped deep down below.
Oh Mighty River of Life oh won't you wash right over me. Only you know just where I'm goin', only you know who I be.
Life will beat you down, dissolve your will, capsize your schemes; then fill you up with the essence of life that can transcend your childish dreams.
You cannot run, you cannot hide, cling to the side or swim upstream. No you can't dam that Mighty River, it's who you are, your destiny...
You cannot run, you cannot hide, cling to the side or swim upstream, no you can't dam that mighty river, it's your life, your destiny. No you can't dam that might river it's whoo you are, your destiny.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Footnote #1: When I was in high school I won the talent portion of chancellor's award for theatre at a local prestigious university but didn't get the scholarship because of my high school grades. This changed the history of my life since I didn't have the guts to go to New York on my own. Years later when I ran a youth mock trial program, parents would come and tell me that they were worried about their children's ability to go to college because of terrible grades. I told them that if I had been a better student I wouldn't be a lawyer today!!!
i love these stories...
your story gives me faith. i have theories about the way things are/should be, but when someone shows me theory in practice, it resounds inside of me.
i, too, believe in the transformational power of water over rock. water is so strong, but completely fluid. i model myself after water. it's a teacher to me. there are many secrets to be gleaned from its presence.
thanks for your generosity in sharing your story. it's truly inspiring.
Hey... WOW! This is so
Hey...
WOW!
This is so beautiful, almost surreal. My moms still in denial...my sister is ok with it though.
Im hoping i can have the courage to live my life like u did and im sure eventually everything will turn out just fine.
Thank u for this story!
oUt.
thank you.
you just don't know how this helped me discover a new me.. :) good job.
My story
If being gay isn't hard enough, try being an only child and the hopes and future of your parents who raised you to believe you could be anything you dreamed of... married with kids... but anything you want! That is of parents who tried for years and years to conceive.
That's me in a nustshell. The day I told my parents was the day I stood on my own two feet and broke my mum's heart. It's a bitter sweet story that grows everyday but everyday you learn more about yourself and those who surround you. You learn to live life in a whole new way and be grateful you have each day to look forward to. And you learn a parent's love never waivers regardless of the choices you make in life.
To live is to love, To love is to live
Unrequited Love or is it?
The girl i love is getting married to a man.
I mean nice to know that considering she never made any vows to me. She never told me she was gay, she never made any commitment of any sort. Well, she did occasionally hug me and kiss me which led me to believe that there was hope. She always did have a boyfriend, but i was told she loved me more than anyone else (but she never said in what way)
According to her she is getting into this as a compromise. She would not want to go against her parents wishes...thats how most of the stories end in India.
It hurts to see the one u love go away with someone else even if it is not what they want.
The thought of someone else actually being with her in a way that i wanted to kills me.
My first reaction when she told me she was gonna get engaged was that i told her to F*** off from my life and i did not speak with her for 2 weeks. She tried to call me and text me but i wouldnt hear anything of it...she sent me smses like i miss u and i need u and stuff and it made my heart go weak...but i still did not talk to her.
I was gonna join film school in LA in December, but i decided to pre-pone it and now im going next month.
I always thought such things happen only in the movies, but they don't. They happen in reality...she does not understand why i am behaving the way i am and she will not until she understands the way i love her.
She told me that she would like me to come to her engagement party and i refused. She cried and i cried and she asked me to explain why i would not. I did not have the courage to tell her that i cannot see her go away with anyone else. I did not know how to explain to her.
I have seen her swollen eyes everyday at work, the last 2 nights she has cried on the phone with me for hours. I don't know what to do about this and i know she cant be mine...the pain and the hurt is for real...i feel like someones ripping my heart out, squishing it to pieces and asking me to smile!
I don't understand why she cries for me, or why she says that she loves me and hasn't loved anyone in this way before.
Whatever the case might be, she is still getting married to someone else and i am still gonna leave this country because i cannot see her with anyone but me.
Storyte"L"ling
I am a lesbian psychoanalyst (alas, I can not put much personally revealing information out for all to read), but I would love to hear/know more about your storytelling groups. I have been running storytelling groups for many years, and will begin a new one this fall for lesbians and other queer women. It seems that you agree strongly with my belief that opportunity to share our stories: our coming out tales, our traumas, our successes, our fears, our triumphs, our families, both biological and created, provide those who "tell" and those who listen with the invaluable opportunity to be heard, seen, validated, celebrated. As those with whom I work tell their stories they connect with themselves and find common space with and bask in the appreciation of others. It is wonderful that you and Jennifer will expand this idea as your "next project." There are so many rich, heart-warming, healing stories to be told, shared, held, celebrated.
On another note, with respect to your ground-breaking and much-adored work on the L word, I am not a TV watcher, ever, but have loved seeing my life and the lives of my friends and created family mirrored in the many stories that you and your wonderful cast of actors have brought to life. I am a tina with an adored bette in my life. Like your characters, there is rarely more than a degree of separation between the women in my life. I love how you have so accurately captured the intensity and connectedness of the community, even if we can't all sit around our own "Planet" having coffee every day.
Finally, while I imagine that Season 6 has long been scripted as you must be near your production start date, I urge you to consider that you have the opportunity to validate the significance and commitment in our relationships along with the drama. Not only must Bette and Tina (and hopefully Alice and Tasha) survive the challenges that relationships bring, you must demonstrate that your relationships are resilient and can thrive, in spite of challenge. Further, you have the invaluable opportunity to undermine the widespread belief in Lesbian bed death. Many of us continue to have sexually exciting relationships even after many years and the arrival of children (not that it is ever easy!!!). Bette and Tina have had a powerful reunion, but their sexual connection need not stop with the affair that has brought them back together. They, like your other characters, must continue to have healthy, passionate, sexual connection. It is not only a means to an end, but such an integral aspect of our lives, always.
Would love to hear more about your storytelling!! jlichtsteinlcsw@gmail.com
story..
the L word teach a lot people like us to understnd our partner well, i used to be like shane but i settle down after i found my partner..me n my partner arent single people.. at that time, we had our own life(partner) my partner had couple with my closes aunt n cousin, n they telling me how great the girl is. Then 1 day, i had a chance to meet her n she notin like what my aunt or my cousin told me.since that, i hated her so much cause she hurt the people i love. after a few week, i meet her again while i was dating with my partner, N there we are chating n talk about each other life. There is 1 day, the telecommunication had problem n all the people can call all their freind without any charges. so there i was try to call my partner but i failed to reach her. so i try 2 call her, n i get through the line. since the called are free, so we chat on the phone for about 4 hour. i realise that she is something special but where. N then, there is she trying to play a game that will risk my relationship. she want to play "who love who first". the rules is simple,the game is only have two parties( u n her), who falling love 1st will loose.my partner doesnt know abt this but for me, i know i can handle it n i did well. we try hard to tackle each others n while that happen im having trouble with her ex partner n partner. 3 of us wanted the same thing. at the end i got her n the result is a tie..we fall in love with each other. we both are ex-player. n now, we are stil together with beutiful house n greet life. im still a student n she the one who pay me beside my parent.
L-LOVE
I cannot tell you how much I love the show and how hurt I was when I found out it was coming to an end. Actually my girlfriend called me on the phone and was like ....We need to talk..I was like oh no! She was like I need you to sit down and be calm but blah blah and it was hard to hear it. N E way these stories are amazing and it shows so many strong women. I will miss it :(
But again thanks again for sharing all those stories and exposing lives that hollywood sees as merely entertainment.
Sorry for the spelling Ladies.
my coming out story
my friends all through high school had been telling me that i am a lesbian, and at the time i didn't want to admit it, simply because of the school i went to. Warilla High School was full of homophobs, and coming out would mean more bashings and threats then i already got, for being different from the popular group, i was into art, and sports that the popular group weren't into. anyway and my best friend in the year above me came out around then and continuosly got bashed for it. so i decided that coming out was a big no no, so i dated boys, and my last b/f turned out to be gay also,(i didn't find this out till afta we broke up)and i didnt date after that, it wasn't till i finished school that i came out and my friends were like "yeah we already knew that", i was like ok, so your cool with it? and of course they were. the next step was my family, i told my cousin first and she told me that whatever makes me happy she is fine with it, she then outed me to my grandma who was very much ok with it, all she wants is me to be happy, which i was and still am, my mum came next so i thought it was best to ease her into it by telling her im bi-sexual, that did not go down well at all, there was yelling, and her exclaiming that i would never meet a nice guy if i a a bi-sexual and i was thinking that i don't want a guy i want a woman. not long after that episode i came out to her as a lesbian, and she went into complete denial, constantly asking me if i would change and will i be with a boy agsin, i told her no, and to please just acceprt that i am gay, and that yes it is possible for you to get grandchildren, because there is such a thing as a sperm donor......that also didn't go down well either, i danced around the subjectwith my dad, i think he knows, but wont say anything about it with me, as i told my step-mum knowing that she would imediately tell dad. I am 24 now and it was only recently that my mum came to me and said she was sorry for all the nasty things she said about me being gay, and can we choose who the sperm donor and the genes that the kids will gain from that donor? well when i heard that i went into complete shock!!!!!! in the years that i have been out i have struggled eith finding a partner, i hav had some small flings, but nothing serious.
(No subject)
My Story
I am 37 now and came out when I was 25. I was with a guy for 10 years engaged for two. From a very young age I was attracted to women, but I also loved men. When my fiance and I broke up, when I was 25, it broke my heart. One night after being single, I went out with my cousin to a straight bar to have fun. My cousin and I got out on the dance floor and was having a good old time. As I was dancing and a few drinks in me, a very cute butch girl was on the dance floor and we started to dance. Before I knew it, we started kissing on the floor. I was blown away. It felt so good and so right. We started dating, a few months into it she said her cousing was coming down from florida to visit. Well, that's when my life turned upside down and all around. The moment the cousin and I meant, sparks flew. I pulled a Bette and basically cheated on my girlfriend with her cousin. I could not help it. She was femme and beautiful just like me, and I guess that's what I really wanted a femme beautiful girl, like myself. Our chemistry was so hot. I ened up moving down to floria with her. Our sex lives was something like in a movie. We had sex in public places to parking lots. I was blown away. We lasted three years. I think we loved each other so much it was dangerous. We got into a few fights that were like Bette and Tina's (season one where tina found out bette was cheating), although we did not cheat. It was just intense, and too much so eventually it ended. To this day I still think of her, wondering what if. When my dad found out i was with women, he stopped all contact with me which hurt my mom and me very much. He had a massive stroke a few years later. That killed me, but after his stroke he cried and told me I will always be his little girl. From that day on he loved me more than ever. He passed away a couple years ago. I have a new partner and life is pretty good. Things still hurt like the guilt family puts on me about my life style. Although I try to live my life to the foolest and just be happy sometimes it does not always feel so, with all negativity and stereotypes about lesbians and gays. But through all the heartaches of relationship and life, I know my life is special like everyone elses in this world (gay or straight) and with story lines like the L Word it makes life a better place. Thanks Ilene Chaiken for the show.
Finally!
Hey...
Ive written on this blog earlier...i wrote about how difficult it is being gay in India and how i would never come out...but u know what?..i did!
Well i got an opportunity and i did...
Last night, while sitting and chit chatting with my mother and sister we talked about marriage and life outside of India and how things are going from bad to worse here. And then suddenly my mom asks me very gently if i have issues with my sexuality...i was caught off guard...my sister then told us a story about how her friend who was gay and has been for the last 6 years..she was the first person he confided in. He said it was like someone had taken about 1000 kgs off his back...she felt for him...and she said that u cant help it and everyone has a right to be who they are..so gender is a very very small thing in our lives...life is short and all of us have a right to be who we are without people butting in...she said she dint care about the world..and all of us have a right to be happy..i was completely stunned at her thinking...shes about 4 years younger than i am and i knew she would support me but i dint think she would become my advocate!
Well i told mom and my sister that i was gay..and i wasnt interested in boys...my sister took it pretty well and said that ur gonna be the butt of many of my jokes now..she cried and said that she feels guilty for not being able to generate enough faith in me..and she felt guilty that i had no one talk to all these years...and she was sad because she and mom both knew somewhere in their heart that maybe i was gay but they had no proof, they had no way of knowing for sure..my moms still absorbing it..shes been pretending to be ok about it...but i know shes not and i also know she loves me more than anything else and eventually she'll come around..shes been crying i know..and i dont like her swollen eyes but i also know she will be happier knowing fer sure than being left in the dark...it will take time adjusting...esp now cuz she will be answerable to all our relatives and friends as to why im not getting married (this indian thing)...but i guess im relieved..im not afraid anymore...as long as my family is with me, i dont care about anyone else!
congratulations girl
congratulations girl :):)
its time to fly high in the sky...move freely as you want, just rock on!!
thanks man! U've been my
thanks man!
U've been my biggest support over the past 6 weeks! I probably would have gone into depression had u not come along...ur a great great friend!
Congratulations!
The most importent thing of your story: they still love you! :)
oh yes...fer sure...that
oh yes...fer sure...that gave me courage. My sisters spiel while the discussion was going on, made me realize they would love me no matter what. The best part is that they realize that its not my fault..its something i cant help..its something thats an essential part of me...im happy that it came out..a friend of mine told me that my sister was my angel from heaven...and i so agree that her visit came at a time when i needed it most...she is my guardian angel, she is the most precious thing to me!
Love for my Elderly Parents, Never Forget Your History
Never Forget Your Family History
(My greatest love & respect is for my parents)
I’m Eurasian, I’m of Dutch-Indonesian descent, third generation. My parents and brother were born in Indonesia. In World War II my parents were concentration camp prisoners during the Japanese occupation of Southeast Asia. My parents didn’t know each other yet. My father was a POW and was one of the many thousands of prisoners who were forced to work on the Burmese railroad. Both my parents saw and experienced horrible things during that time in their lives. Growing up my father, who is since deceased, would tell me stories of that time. He showed me the scars on his legs where Japanese soldiers had tortured and punctured him with bamboo spears whenever prisoners were not working hard enough or began to feel faint in the miserable blazing heat of the noon sun and having to work twelve hour days. My mother would tell me stories of the atrocious things she witnessed, one of them a friend of hers being tortured in front of her eyes. I would often ask them how they had the will to live, how they kept going and if they had lost all faith in humanity. I don’t think anyone who has never experienced war will be able to understand it. They would tell me that the only thing you thought about was trying to survive each day. You did not think about tomorrow. I cannot even imagine coming out of that time a sane, normal person. I have much admiration and respect for my parents but most of all for keeping their faith in humanity after having experienced such brutality from their fellow human beings. After the war my parents immigrated to the Netherlands. The Japanese invasion and subsequent occupation ended Dutch rule and Indonesia claimed independence. People of mixed blood, as my parents, were not very welcome there anymore. Many immigrated to the Netherlands during this time. The reason I wanted to give a bit of history of my parents is to show that they too “experienced hardship and overcoming, discrimination and intolerance and resistance in the face of hatred and misunderstanding”. After all, my parents were the ones who brought me into the world and for me to ignore a most important and tragic part of their history to describe my own would be, for me anyway, disrespectful.
My First Attraction to a Woman
I was born shortly after my family arrived in the Netherlands. I recall my very first encounter with my attraction to a woman. It was 1959 and I was 4 years old. A family friend dropped by to give us our first record player, the portable and foldable phonograph. Her name was Christine and she also brought along a record. It was Harry Belafonte’s Kingston Town song. I remember watching her put the record onto the phonograph as I gazed at her with interest and delight. The music began to play and she took my hand and we began to dance. I was so happy, overjoyed and so into that moment never wanting it to end. After the dance she swooped me up in her arms and gave me a fat kiss on the cheek. She was sweet, pretty, soft, and smelled of honeysuckle. From that day on every time she would visit I would feel a rush come over me. If she had not visited for a while I would ask my mother if Christine was coming any time soon (a little lesbo already starting to show herself). There was another experience that will forever stay ingrained in my memory because for the first time it made me feel so alone and separated from everyone else. We had immigrated to the U.S. in 1962, I was 6 and started first grade that same year. Our teacher asked the class to draw a picture of a family participating in any kind of activity we wanted to draw as long as we drew a family. The teacher went around to look at each students’ drawing and had continuously made positive comments. I was anticipating, as kids do, for her to come by and make positive comments on my drawing as well. When she looked at my drawing I noticed she looked a bit confused, perplexed. She asked me to describe the picture. I told her it was of a happy family pushing their baby in the stroller in front of their little house with their dog in the yard. She still looked confused, I got worried, I didn’t know what to think. She then asked me why the two people pushing the stroller were both wearing dresses. I told her that they were a couple and that they just had a new baby. She repeated her question of the couple both wearing dresses. I didn’t understand why. All I could keep telling her was that they were a family and very happy because they just had a new baby. The teacher was silent for a moment and then, without saying anything more, walked away. I was stunned and hurt, I didn’t know what was wrong. I felt like crying but I dare not in front of my classmates. All I could do to keep from crying was try to keep that lump down my throat as long as I could. It was painful. As I got older and thought back on that memory of course I realized why she was confused. However, then it was the biggest hurt I’ve ever experienced, at such a young age, especially from my teacher who I had always looked up to. Strange, I was only 6 and I already knew what my world looked like but it was clear from my teacher’s reaction that my world wasn’t anything that anyone around me understood. As I got older the repression of my feelings began to frustrate me. In junior high I had such a bad and deep crush on one of my girlfriends that I started to think something was very wrong with me. Each day I would come home from school lock myself in the bathroom and cry. I would keep telling myself that tomorrow would be different and that tomorrow I would no longer be attracted to girls and I would find a boyfriend. But of course, nothing became of it. I internalized all of my sadness, kept it hidden and then just tried to play the game, dating boys in high school that I didn’t even care about or found attractive in any way. It was awkward, it was a foreign world. The boys I dated, with their testosterone on full speed ahead, were really into it. The sex I found interesting but overrated and it wasn’t something I found all that stimulating. I soon realized that I was just going through the motions without any real pleasure, pleasure that was powerful, pleasure that spoke to me, pleasure that I could relate to. I didn’t want to play the game anymore. Through high school I continued to have secret crushes on some of my girlfriends and a few of my teachers. As much as these crushes brought me joy they mostly brought me sadness. I hated it because I didn’t know what to do, how to move forward. After all, I couldn’t act on my feelings with any of my girlfriends, I couldn’t even let them know. I felt jealous of the relationships that boys had with girls, the playing around, the teasing and flirting. It was lonely. During my college years I took a summer job and met a woman who to this day is my best friend. She was the first person I came out to. As a friend I felt a connection, I felt comfortable with her even though I knew she was straight. Later she confided in me that she might be bisexual. Those were the days that we used to drive across the bay to San Francisco on Friday and Saturday nights and go to various lesbian bars to drink and dance the night away. I was never really attracted to her but we had a good time and we cherished each other’s company. Later in life she confessed that she was very attracted to me, at that time in our past, but she knew that it would not be reciprocated. I told her that I probably could not have reciprocated her affections but that she would always be my best friend. She has since married and has two grown kids and she continues to be my best friend. Today, being in my early 50’s, I've had short-term relationships but I’ve only had two serious and long-term relationships with women in my life. Currently, I’m single. The best companionship I’ve had in times of consolation has been with my pets. As I was growing up in the painful realization of my attraction to girls it was my pets that kept me feeling safe, warm and loved whenever I’d felt sad. For reasons having nothing to do with my lesbianism (so I think) I cannot handle relationships. I get too emotionally involved and become co-dependent and I cannot stand myself. I lose myself completely in a relationship and I’m a stranger to myself, I lose respect for myself. On the other hand, being single I am at my best, I am very independent, love my freedom and really like myself so much more. It’s seems I’m at the extreme ends of the spectrum when I’m in a relationship and when I’m not. I’m still learning to find a middle ground when it comes to relationships. Perhaps I’ll never learn to find it and perhaps my life on this earth, at this point in time, is for a different reason not for being in a relationship but to learn other things. I can accept that. I find life to be so unique, so wonderful and extraordinary living on this planet earth in this infinite and amazing universe. What very small creatures we are in this vast universe, how insignificant yet how extraordinarily significant ! I love my life and I love all the people in my life. Being a gay woman is who I am and I’m proud and being a human being living on this unique and beautiful planet, in this period in time, is a gift. I’m thankful for both.
i'm thankful too :):) and
i'm thankful too :):) and thank you for sharing this with us - some things were inspirational and some i could connect myself to.
Coming Out, I'm Not Special
This is really a two part coming out story.
My daughter' coming out story:
After the divorce from her father, my daughter lived with her father for awhile and then with me. At the age of 15 my daughter seemed a bit more withdrawn than normal for a 15 year old girl. One night she woke me around 2 a.m. crying the horrible sob that you sometimes hear from a small child. That one where they can't get their breath. She crawled up the bed from the end and looking at her, hearing that heartbreaking cry I heard her say, "Please don't hate me!" My immediate thought was that she was pregnant. In a split second, I thought that I was not ready to be a gransmother. My beautiful, intelligent daughter was not ready to be a mother and how this news was going to radically change our lives. Through her tears came the words, "I'm gay." I sat straight up in bed, "OH THANK GOD! So am I!" I can't describe my relief. We went out on the porch, smoked a cigerette and talked. I don't smoke but it seemed appropriate at the time.
She was the only girl in school with two moms, the school got over it. It's odd that my partner is often mistaken as her birth mother. My partner looks nothing like my daughters father, my ex-husband! :-)
My Coming out:
At the age of 43, having been "released" from the confines of white, middle class, suburbia, being the always dutiful daughter, doing what I was supposed to do because that is what all the girls I knew did, married life, I came out. I had met my partner (now of 11 years) at work. We were in love and after my daughter graduated from high school, we were going to live together. Before we moved in together, I decided it was time to tell my mother first. She was a staunch republican, she could squeeze 10 penny's out of a nickle and I was her baby no matter how old I got. None of the boys I dated was good enough for me and the one I married, she nearly disowned me over (he was the lessor of the evils for me).
I had a standing date with my parents for dinner at their home on Thursday night. My mother had been house bound with Parkinsons for several years and after dinner my father would run his weekly errands. Once he was gone, the moment had arrived. I knelt down next to the chair my mother was sitting in. I wanted to be near enough to hug her if she cried. When I knelt down, she knew something was up and would not make eye contact with me. I said to her, "You're not looking at me." To which she replied in the whishper of a voice she still had left, "I don't like bad news."
I had to smile to myself. "I don't think it is bad news mom." The only response I could muster. She still held her forward looking gaze. So I went for it. "Mom, I am gay and Cha Cha (not her real name) is my partner." Without missing a beat her response was, "You better let me handle your daddy on this one." I hugged her later, not because she cried but because Cha Cha was the only person I had ever dated that she approved of. She also told me, "Don't think you are special", we have a lot of character in our family.
As for my father, it was never discussed. Not because he didn't care, because it didn't matter. I was his daughter and he loved me. I know how lucky I am!
more seasons
hey i justed wanted to say i dont think you should stop making this amazing show
i only started watching it like 2 mothns ago and i have already seen up to season 5 and bought 3 of the dvd from season 1 -3
keep making it
go on you know you want to
Season 6
Ilene, just want to say, this is the most exciting, meaningful ,beautiful and the best show ever in America and should have won lots of awards. Why does it have to end this soon? We really thank you and Showtime for givng us L Word. We are hoping for a miracle, somehow maybe Showtime and you will change your mind about ending L Word. There's still so much story you can tell. But please don't make Bette have a baby on Season 6. Just tell us the love story of Tibette, how it will evolve and more of Tibette and no more new characters.
We, the Fans will truly support L Word, we want Showtime to make money by subscribing to Showtime and buying the DVDs of L Word. I have bought DVD's of all the 4 seasons. All Fans should realize we can't just beg for more if we don't do our part. Like some would say they watch it from source that are free. Of course, Showtime is not seeing the numbers although, half the world are watching.
So please, it's not too late, all Fans of L Word, I beg you to support L Word by buying the Legit DVDs and if all of us buy 1 set of Season 4 right now, it might change the mind of Showtime.
Poor Ilene.
Whilst I fully appreciate how popular and successful 'The L Word' has been and how much it will be missed, to me it feels as though it has run its natural course, the stories have been told, the relationships nearing their conclusions, season six will serve to tie up the loose ends. I got the impression that the writers were themselves suffering from 'L Word fatigue' demonstrated by the story within a story which seemed just a little bit lazy, my only criticism, apart from Papi seeming to vapourise into thin air :)
Has it not occurred to some of the fans that Ilene et al has told these stories and enjoyed the success but she has more strings in her bow and other fish to fry? She deserves to be given the respect and freedom to move on and extend her skills and repertoire. Let's not reduce this brilliant and innovative show to the level of a monotonous soap opera!
All good things must end and so must 'The L Word'. Fear not, it has shown the industry that there is a demand for quality LGBT drama and the torch will be passed onto other enterprising writers, producers, directors and actors- but stop begging and pleading with Ilene to create a mini 'soap opera', what if she continued with season 7...it would never be enough for some, season 5 was clearly a penultimate season with the Tibette story finally being concluded, season 6 is already set for only 8 episodes, the writing was on the wall people, please don't spoil it by trying to make Ilene feel guilty, we should be celebrating her 'baby' not preparing for some major bereavement. Show some respect for her integrity and desire to focus on new projects which will undoubtedly be of equal quality and interest, give her a break. Also, what about the actors? They have proven their skill and masterfully helped create this wonderful show but they too need to diversify and meet new challenges, they are not objects to be manipulated and bullied into pleasing us, allow them the freedom to practice their craft and develop their careers.
Thank you Ilene for the 'L Word' and I wish you every success with new ventures which I look forward to with eager anticipation.
Peace and respect. x
Let's buy the DVD !!!!!!!!
It's done !!! Even if I'm French and we have only 3 Seasons with french subtitles , I have already bought 4 Seasons ( The 4th only in english !! ).
YES !!! The L.Word is THE BEST show I've ever seen !
The L word Final Series
Hi,
First of all just found out about the L word Series 6 being the last, I am absolutely gutted. Then found out Jennifer Beals is coming to the UK Convention so this cheered me up so much you would not believe. Still thinking of a question to ask her.......... Any suggestions would be grateful. :)
So endings to the final series would have to be for me as follows:-
Bette & Tina Get Married have another baby.
Shane has to choose between Molly & Carmen.
Alice is confused about Tasha, and that new girl she has met, (BTW who cast the new girl because her and Leisha have no chemistry at all.........Sorry)Anyway Alice starts to dream of Dana.......... (Erin coming back for final season) In these dreams they start out really funny like a Dallas scene where Dana is in the shower and tells Alice she was just dreaming, then Dana carries this theme on doing different movie scenes with Alice (Alice not finding this funny, but Dana getting her own back for stalking her, then sleeping with the soup chef after she died). Dana is trying to direct Alice to her true love, this ends up to be..............Helena...........remember the back to back quote to Helena when she went to see the futune teller.
Jenny, well I think Marina should come back and sweep her off her feet and the both of them run off into the sunset.
Kit should fall in love with and marry Danzel Washington, he could make a guest appearence.
Max should stay with his boyfriend, Jodie's interpreter.
Jodie forgives Bette and Tina and becomes friends with them and is a part of Angie's life.
Cybil and Joyce live happily ever after...........
The End
The L Word Forever
Hi I am new to Our Chart but The L Word has definately keep me glued to my laptop to watch the show on Sidereel.com. I have watched Season 1-5 & looking forward to the final Season 6 (though I wish it can keep going..I love TiBette). I must admit I understand alot more what happens in a Bi-sexual, Lebian & Gay relationship better since watching this show. As the Singapore government is not very receptive towards this sort of openly/out show of same sex on our local tv programmes I am grateful for Sidereel.com & Alluc.org for making it possible for me to watch them. Thanks again for a great show which makes me more aware of what's happening out there. I must admit this show trigger a nice feeling in me though I am sure am straight as an arrow..haha Thanks again for the greatest show on earth (well at least since Wonder Woman..haha)& let's keep producing huh..Cheers fm your biggest fan in sunny Singapore!! Would be lovely if I can get a picture autograph of the cast members especially of LH & JB 9thought I'dd try my luck..haha)
The L word
I am luigina54.I am one of favorite of The L Word I am hoping that we could keep Bette and Tina,Alice and Tasha
and the rest of crew to stay on the show.All my friends straight,gay and lesbian they want the show to keep going .So please keep it on for us please and thank you.
L Word Movie
I am wondering if L Word has any plans of making a movie?
Sarah
i think this would be the
i think this would be the perfect way to give me closure lol... after season 6 (i cant bring myself to say final just yet) a movie would be something to look forward to... i hope it doesnt get the kind of reception it did in the l word though... all the gay and lesbian movies i own are on dvd and i find out about them through planetout etc...
Life is a circle and karma is a bitch
Latin American Stories
Hello everyone
I decided to create a blog to share some Latin American stories with you girls. Go to my page to access it.
And… Enjoy!
Livia Maia
From Brazil
thanks!
hey thank you very much!
i was looking forward to more stories!
once again, THANKS!
V 2 ah 10th
A story eh? I find myself a 27 year old, first born Asian American, in a committed lesbian relationship. I came out my second semester of Freshmen year in college. After High School I enlisted into the USMC (Marines).My second week of college as I was walking on the sidewalk looking at the ground I walked up to a sidewalk chalked sign that read "Gay and Lesbian Alliance Meeting..." It was like a light that light up; so this is what it was. I'm a gay, I'm gay, I'm gay. I went to the meeting, then it just all made sense from then on. I would feel as though I had to duck into a department store when I would see my cousins and high school friends at the mall. I didn't want them to see me with other gays fearing it would get back to my family. When I went home for break to visit my family for the second semester, I finally broke down and admitted to my sister, mom, and dad. My sister first words were "so does this mean my kids aren't going to have any cousins?" My dad is the only one that took it hard, even to this day. After coming out to my family, I found myself drifting away from my cousins and friends. I didn't want to go to straight clubs, I mean I just came out...I was ready to celebrate. So I partied, and partied...then partied some more.
I grew more and more interested in activism, equality, and spreading awareness. I became co-chair of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance @ the university. Then after two years transfered to a Louisiana State University and became co-chair of the LGBTQ group there (Spectrum Alliance). I remember wanting to get a tattoo; but was indecisive about what I wanted. My roommate said make sure you get something that means something of value to you, because that also would be going to your grave with you. The tattoo artist asked me to sketch a picture of what I wanted on my back shoulder. So I did and handed it back to him. He said you want two bars on your back, I replied with "no I want an equal right sign on my back." I am a huge Human Rights Activist today. I received news today that the company that I work for is going to have a seat for me on May 17 for the 2008 Human Rights Campaign Gala Dinner.
My partner and I were actually sent up through our colleagues at work. Nola is more political then me. We can get into heated debates about how can I be an activist if I'm not political or vise versa. She actually programs the tv to automatically pop up to when "real time with bill maher," comes on. I consider us to have a normal living style with the dogs, family, and friends. My sister called me and said that my parents are happy for me.
I did attend the Vagina Monologues. Amazing. I went once in college; but that was years ago. So I kind of remember some of the skits that were performed. It's so empowering to be surrounded by so many other people who have the same views and understanding.
Sleeping on the Couch
And so it happened. I knew it was going to. I felt it coming and it did.
I blew up. But I exploded today - not tomorrow like I thought.
I know how freaking scary it was for me to feel that way - like I have been feeling for the past few days.
It's like I had so much pent up energy in me - like a humongous balloon that was to pop at any second - as just more and more air was being blown into it.
I knew it was going to happen and I was freaking out as I didn't how BIG the explosion was going to be. I didn't know if it was just going to be a bad fight with someone, a horribly hurtful thing I said to someone I care about - or worse case scenario - a relapse - which is a fucking nightmare, as I lose everything then.
I lose my job (which I love), the few new friends I've cultivated recently (my old ones usually stick around albeit with lesser faith in me) and my general freedoms (every move and communication has to be accounted for).
I feel relieved now after the explosion - which was quite nasty. I took a time-out and am just lying down here on the couch, trying to reflect. My heavy breathing slowed down to calmer inhalations. I teared a little. And the storm inside of me - with racing thoughts and battling emotions and paralysing fear - has gone. And I can think clearly again.
A moment of peace at last.
Being bipolar, I sometimes feel like I have to choose between being the party or the plague. On a good day, I'm beautiful, confident, uplifting, hilarious, charming and kind. On a shitty day, I'm like a dark cloud that's engulfing the earth. I have middle-of-the-road days too but I hate feeling like the plague.
I don't want to talk about the fight. Not in detail anyway. Why was I all angsty? Well, first of all, I stopped taking my prescribed meds for bipolar. Which is basically a major tranquiliser. I'm walking around doped up - so that I'm a smaller hazard to those around me - easier to live with basically.
And so I stopped. Cuz I hate feeling retarded in a dance class when I can't even do a simple hop-step. Cuz I hate being given mundane tasks at work, when I know I'm capable of doing more. Cuz I hate not being funny and charming with my friends.
And so now the consequences.
It's not only that. There's work - that's been challenging. For me, staying calm at work has been a challenge, for many reasons.
My boss remarked (or joked) to everyone, the other day, before I told him I had bipolar, "Should never spend too much time with Eliza." He's a great guy - he probably didn't understand why I was gloomy at times.
I know what he meant. There is a part of me that's so dark, I'm not sure how to get rid of it.
Thinking about finding a life partner now - I think I have lost some faith in the whole process - seeing who I am.
Forget that I'm gay. Forget that most of my family will probably not accept my relationship. Forget that I'm also a Christian (with liberal views). Forget my country's traditional views and laws. Forget all that.
If I can't love a person - and let that person feel loved, the love she so rightly deserves - then what is the fucking point? If being with me is like heaven and hell - will anyone really want any part of that? There are days when I see people who look into my eyes, and they get drawn into a morbid depression. Just by being in the same room, talking to me (sometimes arguing) and looking into my eyes.
I've had almost relationships ruined because of that. One girl said to me - "It was perfect and you ruined it."
I really don't know why I'm like this.
Maybe I need time to learn how to cope with my energy imbalances and not overreact so much. Maybe I really need to move out.
Back to the fight I just had with someone from my family.
It was all about money.
I see now, it needed to happen.
So here I am. On the couch. Thinking about the fight. Wondering about my life partner. If that never happens - will I be ok?
Results are a Fruit of Intention
hey Noop and LongBeachDogLover and other doubters
Just wanted to thank you guys for being cynical and vocally questioning of the intentions of the OCstaff in the collection of stories.
I think the world would be a sad, more dangerous place without cynics and doubters. It's courageous for you to voice your conce