Back in 2005, a group of motorcycle-ridin' women in San Francisco applied for -- and were granted -- a trademark for the name "Dykes on Bikes." It was official recognition for a name that had been around for years, not to mention way catchier than their other name, the "San Francisco Women's Motorcycle Contingent."



A dyke-hatin' man then went to court to claim the dykes were man-hatin'. (Funny how that works, innit?) Attorney Michael McDermott filed a complaint with the U.S. Patent and Trademark office, saying the club's name was "disparaging to men," not to mention -- gasp! -- "scandalous and immoral." It's inexplicable that he did not also describe the name as being "wicked and of unsound character," or "appallingly dishonorable," or some other 19th-century phrase that makes him sound like a total wiener.



Mr. McDermott was not penalized for co-opting that tired old argument that whatever sweet little thing the gay community wants to do -- like name their motorcycle club, or get married, or whatever -- somehow makes straight people's lives much worse. Personally, I cannot imagine how a motorcycle club's name could possibly affect Mr. McDermott, unless they named it the Please Pinch Michael McDermott Hard club. That, I could understand the objection to. I would also join it.



Anyway, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit ruled last week that Mr. McDermott's complaint had no merit. In a unanimous decision, the court declared that anyone bringing such a case needs to show "a reasonable basis for a belief that he would be damaged," something Mr. McD failed to do. And he probably didn't help his case by referring to the annual Dyke March in his filing as "the Annual Illegal San Francisco Dyke Hate Riot," which makes him sound like a parody of himself. He's obviously never been to a Dyke March, because they're all about the love, baby.

To paraphrase a Hookup reader, Stop drinkin' the Haterade, Mikey! Instead, head on down to the nearest biker bar and have a Michelob Ultra with some dykes. You'll probably find your ex-girlfriends down there.

(photos: Getty Images)