Am I the only one who finds the employees at sex toy shops to be annoying?

In her 1985 hit "Conga," Gloria Estefan sang: "Everybody, gather 'round now/let your body feel the heat/Don't you worry if you can't dance/let the music move your feet."

Recently, I was sitting at a bar with this girl who I only kind of know. We’d hung out on a couple of occasions prior and I felt like I had some grasp, however puny, on who she was.

Yesterday my phone was stolen by a junkie in an antique shop, so I've had to get a new one — my sixth in four months.

As far back as 1999, the '80s were already making a comeback. Suddenly, neon and shoulder pads and paint-splattered t-shirts were cool again.

So it's about that time again. The sun is out, it's getting warmer, and I no longer have the luxury of hiding my winter-sized rumpus beneath a roomy parka.

Two summers ago, I had a one-night stand with an extremely tan French drag king who chanted "Oui" on repeat as we fucked.

Ah, the joys of Dinah Shore Weekend! Good ol' fashioned fun in the sun, if you will.